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Need a little anxiety advice
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 637019" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I read that book and found it useless also. The anxiety and phobia workbook only helps if you actually do the exercises even if they seem stupid at the time. Some did to me, but i stuck it out. It really did help a lot. </p><p></p><p>I know you work with some people and know some others like your mom and ex who love to tear you down and tell you how bad you are at everything. been there done that and then I learned some things that helped me cope bettr with them. If they are tearing you down, it is because they feel bad about themselves and don't know any better.</p><p></p><p>Years ago a really great therapist told me this:</p><p></p><p>Imagine we each have a bucket inside of us. This bucket is how we feel about ourselves. WHen it is full, we feel really great and when it is empty we feel really bad about ourselves. We also have a ladle to fill or empty our bucket with. When the bucket is low, we can try to reach into another person's bucket to get their water to fill our bucket with. We do this by saying bad things about them. While we may get some of their water, we have to lean over so far to grab a ladle of their water that we spill whatever water is in our bucket, so we end up feeling worse about ourselves. When we take a ladle of our water and reach over to give it to someone, we end up not only NOT spilling our water, but finding our bucket has more water in it than it did before we gave some away. By giving of our water, we find we have more water, but by stealing others' water, we spill ours all out.</p><p></p><p>It is a visual I have kept for many years. I can look at someone being ugly to me and while that hurts, it doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. I know that they are just futilely trying to fill their bucket and just making things worse. By responding with kindness, I end up feelign better about myself than if I ranted and raved at them. </p><p></p><p>It takes time to make this a habit, but keeping those buckets in your mind's eye really does help. I also try to remember, esp with my gfgbro, that when he is ranting about how awful I am, he is actually saying what he things ABOUT HIMSELF. That took a LONG LONG TIME, but it really has helped me to realize that. in my opinion this is true about your mom too. Who taught you to be a mom and a woman? If she tells you that you are a failure, what is she saying about herself? She is probably not feeling good about herself deep down, and is just lashing out because she doesn't know how to cope. Remembering this may take some of the sting out of her words.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 637019, member: 1233"] I read that book and found it useless also. The anxiety and phobia workbook only helps if you actually do the exercises even if they seem stupid at the time. Some did to me, but i stuck it out. It really did help a lot. I know you work with some people and know some others like your mom and ex who love to tear you down and tell you how bad you are at everything. been there done that and then I learned some things that helped me cope bettr with them. If they are tearing you down, it is because they feel bad about themselves and don't know any better. Years ago a really great therapist told me this: Imagine we each have a bucket inside of us. This bucket is how we feel about ourselves. WHen it is full, we feel really great and when it is empty we feel really bad about ourselves. We also have a ladle to fill or empty our bucket with. When the bucket is low, we can try to reach into another person's bucket to get their water to fill our bucket with. We do this by saying bad things about them. While we may get some of their water, we have to lean over so far to grab a ladle of their water that we spill whatever water is in our bucket, so we end up feeling worse about ourselves. When we take a ladle of our water and reach over to give it to someone, we end up not only NOT spilling our water, but finding our bucket has more water in it than it did before we gave some away. By giving of our water, we find we have more water, but by stealing others' water, we spill ours all out. It is a visual I have kept for many years. I can look at someone being ugly to me and while that hurts, it doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. I know that they are just futilely trying to fill their bucket and just making things worse. By responding with kindness, I end up feelign better about myself than if I ranted and raved at them. It takes time to make this a habit, but keeping those buckets in your mind's eye really does help. I also try to remember, esp with my gfgbro, that when he is ranting about how awful I am, he is actually saying what he things ABOUT HIMSELF. That took a LONG LONG TIME, but it really has helped me to realize that. in my opinion this is true about your mom too. Who taught you to be a mom and a woman? If she tells you that you are a failure, what is she saying about herself? She is probably not feeling good about herself deep down, and is just lashing out because she doesn't know how to cope. Remembering this may take some of the sting out of her words. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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