Sort of quick update since the home computer crashed 1 1/2 years ago.... Characters: EG - Enabler Grandma (my mother in law, husband's Mommy) Has legal custody of difficult children, husband had serious drug problems when difficult children were babies. EG took custody and husband got help. He got clean, he got his kids back, but EG kept custody...always had some excuse and husband refused to sue EG for custody...one doesn't sue mommy easy child(son) 19 - currently in College in the Midwest, coming home for Christmas. Studying to be a pychologist... no surprise there. difficult child 1(son) 19 - currently living with friends, holding down a job, trying High School one more time. Comes to visit me often. Smokes, drinks and does pot but not around me. Doesn't fight with me, is very respectful even. Tells me he loves me with his whole heart and wouldn't pick anyone else to be his Mom. Has come a long way since he was 14 and EG pulled the custody card and took him away from us. He's been on his own since he was 17. difficult child 2(daughter) 17 - currently living with EG, Again the custody card was pulled this summer when difficult child 2 ran away because she failed second UA and out-patient program was talking in-patient rehab again. Now that she'd living with EG she doesn't have to do out-patient program, doesn't have to see her psychiatrist, doesn't have to take any BiPolar (BP) medications, goes to the public high school, is hanging out with all her druggie friends that we banded her from seeing...etc.... husband - currently on East Coast, will be home for a week during Christmas. Great guy in every way but one. He reminds me of the abused spouse that might call the cops but always drops the charges. EG has pulled stuff a thousand times (verbal/emotional abuse), husband gets mad and won't talk to her (call to cops), but after a few weeks starts talking to her as if nothing happened (dropping charges)...after all, EG didn't to in on purpose, she still loves us, she's a good person and blah, blah blah...whatever. Until difficult child 2 ran away this summer, we thought difficult child 1 was causing a lot of issues and manipulating everyone. After difficult child 2 ran away, difficult child 1's girlfriend showed us a lot of text messages from difficult child 2 that she had saved. All the issues we had were orchestrated by difficult child 2. She is a fantastic actress...academy award for sure. She was playing everyone against each other. The boys hadn't talked to each other for almost 2 years because difficult child 2 was playing one against the other. difficult child 2 has been playing extended family against us ever since she went to live with EG. Most of my sister in law's refuse to talk to me anymore because of how evil I have been to difficult child 2. Now for the reason I came here... I need advice/sounding board. In the past, every time husband went back to EG, I stood by his side. I clenched my jaw, held my head up, was the better person and rose above. Each time it has gotten harder and harder to do. Now Christmas Eve is a couple of weeks away and husband wants to attend EG's yearly party. I don't want to go. I think husband should go and have a happy...me? I don't want to be a part of it. I am tired of pretending that everything is okay and EG is a wonderful mommy and all that junk. Of course, part of me wonders if EG will think she's won, but she has to think that every time we come crawling back to her. What do you think?? Also, husband wants difficult child 2 to come home and spend the holidays with us...no conditions or anything since we haven't seen her since summer and she must love us even though she hasn't so much as sent a text message all this time. I told husband, Christmas Day dinner only. What is your opinion on that issue too??? Thanks in advance.