Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need advice about kicking 18 year old out of our house, Help!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 458944"><p>Our situations sound very similar.... I have definitely been where you are at. My son is now almost 20. We did kick my son out when he was 18 and a half for very similar reasons. I think we did the right thing for a couple of reasons... things were terrible at home, we were all living in a war zone. Him not being here has been very good for my younger daughter and it was nice to enjoy coming home again. I also felt strongly that him learning that he could continue to flagrantly disobey all our rules (which were pretty minor and obvious) and get away with it was not the lesson I wanted him to learn. </p><p></p><p>So he started to learn the hard way. After several arrests he spent 2 weeks in jail. You can't be out in society, break all the rules and continue to get away with it. He really hated jail and that got him to rehab which was a help for a while.... but he came back to the area, got a job, did sort of ok for awhile and then slid back again. He did end up homeless and finally got himself into a sober living house... and then recently checked himself in to a psychiatric unit.</p><p></p><p>So I guess the moral of my story is that things did get really tough on him by being kicked out... yet we continued to let him know we love him, continued to support him when he was making good choices (we paid for rehab, we are paying rent at the sober house, i helped him check himself into the psychiatric unit). And he is slowly learning how the world really works...... is he learning enough. I am not sure. He recently got arrested again and if he is not more careful he is going to end up in jail......</p><p></p><p>However I know I have done all that I can do. I am not sure we could of prevented any of this by him living at home. I think if he had stayed here it would have been really bad for my daughter and she is now doing great. It is definitely better for my husband and myselfs relationship and my health to not have the stress of him being here. My relationship with my daughter is great and would not be good if he was here.</p><p></p><p>And my relationship with my son is better too. on the other hand my heart is broken for him, but on the other hand now I can be loving and supportive and not try and control his behavior or actions.... I no longer feel responsible for him or his stupid moves.</p><p></p><p>So you have to do what you think is best for all of you.... but it sounds to me like kicking him out may be your only option. If you do let him come home I suggest you write out a very clear contract of the rules and if he breaks them then out he goes. So yeah there is nothing wrong with giving him one more chance but it should be clearly spelt out so he knows what the consequences are and then you have to follow through.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 458944"] Our situations sound very similar.... I have definitely been where you are at. My son is now almost 20. We did kick my son out when he was 18 and a half for very similar reasons. I think we did the right thing for a couple of reasons... things were terrible at home, we were all living in a war zone. Him not being here has been very good for my younger daughter and it was nice to enjoy coming home again. I also felt strongly that him learning that he could continue to flagrantly disobey all our rules (which were pretty minor and obvious) and get away with it was not the lesson I wanted him to learn. So he started to learn the hard way. After several arrests he spent 2 weeks in jail. You can't be out in society, break all the rules and continue to get away with it. He really hated jail and that got him to rehab which was a help for a while.... but he came back to the area, got a job, did sort of ok for awhile and then slid back again. He did end up homeless and finally got himself into a sober living house... and then recently checked himself in to a psychiatric unit. So I guess the moral of my story is that things did get really tough on him by being kicked out... yet we continued to let him know we love him, continued to support him when he was making good choices (we paid for rehab, we are paying rent at the sober house, i helped him check himself into the psychiatric unit). And he is slowly learning how the world really works...... is he learning enough. I am not sure. He recently got arrested again and if he is not more careful he is going to end up in jail...... However I know I have done all that I can do. I am not sure we could of prevented any of this by him living at home. I think if he had stayed here it would have been really bad for my daughter and she is now doing great. It is definitely better for my husband and myselfs relationship and my health to not have the stress of him being here. My relationship with my daughter is great and would not be good if he was here. And my relationship with my son is better too. on the other hand my heart is broken for him, but on the other hand now I can be loving and supportive and not try and control his behavior or actions.... I no longer feel responsible for him or his stupid moves. So you have to do what you think is best for all of you.... but it sounds to me like kicking him out may be your only option. If you do let him come home I suggest you write out a very clear contract of the rules and if he breaks them then out he goes. So yeah there is nothing wrong with giving him one more chance but it should be clearly spelt out so he knows what the consequences are and then you have to follow through. TL [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need advice about kicking 18 year old out of our house, Help!
Top