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Need advice about kicking 18 year old out of our house, Help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 458988" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to the board pinevalley.</p><p></p><p>Signorina makes a good point. A difficult child leaving the nest might solve many of the immediate and in your face problems, and it may (and probably will) create new problems for both you and difficult child. Not that moving him out is necessarily a bad thing, don't get me wrong. Just helps to take the time to think things through and come up with a plan that may work best for the 3 of you. </p><p></p><p>Have you re-evaluated the house rules to suit an adult child rather than an under age child and adjusted them accordingly? Now for me, that wouldn't be much adjusting as I still expected my grown kids to let me have some idea of where they were when not at home (in case of emergency) and they still lived by a curfew as I'm not going to sit up all hours waiting for even my grown child to finally wander home. (let's face it, grown or not we'd be up waiting) </p><p></p><p>But living at home is a privilege as an adult, unlike being a child. If he is at home he should be paying rent, doesn't have to be a ton, but a decent amount so he feels the responsibility. If he's not working or plans to go to college full time then he needs to stick to going to class and make passing grades while helping out around the house. And of course he has to follow house rules.</p><p></p><p>Although your son is driving you bonkers right now, putting him out onto the street with a learning disability and processing deficit will most likely make you feel like a major behind unless you research some alternatives first. Some areas have assisted living apartments and halfway houses to help ease the transition into adult responsibility while having someone who checks on them daily to make sure they're eating, bathing, and getting bills paid on time. </p><p></p><p>Ultimately, you have to do what you can live with. If the situation at home is a war zone, even non violent, and you and husband are miserable and it doesn't look like editing house rules for an adult child would work? Then certainly difficult child no longer belongs at home. You've done your job for 18 yrs, at this point you've every right to peace in your own home. </p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 458988, member: 84"] Welcome to the board pinevalley. Signorina makes a good point. A difficult child leaving the nest might solve many of the immediate and in your face problems, and it may (and probably will) create new problems for both you and difficult child. Not that moving him out is necessarily a bad thing, don't get me wrong. Just helps to take the time to think things through and come up with a plan that may work best for the 3 of you. Have you re-evaluated the house rules to suit an adult child rather than an under age child and adjusted them accordingly? Now for me, that wouldn't be much adjusting as I still expected my grown kids to let me have some idea of where they were when not at home (in case of emergency) and they still lived by a curfew as I'm not going to sit up all hours waiting for even my grown child to finally wander home. (let's face it, grown or not we'd be up waiting) But living at home is a privilege as an adult, unlike being a child. If he is at home he should be paying rent, doesn't have to be a ton, but a decent amount so he feels the responsibility. If he's not working or plans to go to college full time then he needs to stick to going to class and make passing grades while helping out around the house. And of course he has to follow house rules. Although your son is driving you bonkers right now, putting him out onto the street with a learning disability and processing deficit will most likely make you feel like a major behind unless you research some alternatives first. Some areas have assisted living apartments and halfway houses to help ease the transition into adult responsibility while having someone who checks on them daily to make sure they're eating, bathing, and getting bills paid on time. Ultimately, you have to do what you can live with. If the situation at home is a war zone, even non violent, and you and husband are miserable and it doesn't look like editing house rules for an adult child would work? Then certainly difficult child no longer belongs at home. You've done your job for 18 yrs, at this point you've every right to peace in your own home. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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