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Need advice about kicking 18 year old out of our house, Help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 459666" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Pinevalley, </p><p></p><p>Hi there. Being in an alternative school, and being that it was legal marijuana? I'm pretty sure the reason they didn't call the police is because the substance 1.) isn't illegal and 2.) has not been addressed to the district, parents and children in a formal manner in their student handbook which would probably have made it a civil liberties issue. Believe it or not seems to me calling the police would have violated HIS civil rights. So if they gave him the "business" over the "stuff" they were doing it with bravado to put a fear into him UNLESS it has been addressed in writing - and then he is very lucky school wise, but it's not an offense they could call police for (not an illegal substance) just a suspendable substance in that particular case. in my opinion. </p><p></p><p>With regards to his processing speed? How long does it take him to understand the house rules? Are these new rules? Did you just change the board game of life? Have you been pretty much consistant in your parenting and what can and can't go under your roof? I mean he's 18 years old - in 18 years? Something had to sink in. He's processed how to eat, take a bath, get dressed, find his way home, buy fake dope, get one over on teachers - so yeah I think trying to skirt the house rules in his favor stating he can't process things fast enough is a load of manure. Moving on. If we're talking about processing things school-work wise? He has to have an IEP if he's in alternative school. Under an IEP the district can give you an EMERGECNY IEP meeting. In that meeting you can request that he be given a SHADOW. Shadows watch him from the time he gets to campus to the time he is supposed to get on the bus. They also help him with homework, class work and when he is "stressing out" can take him OUTSIDE for a walk -or even the rare OFF CAMPUS for a smoke to calm his nerves. THEN back in the classroom to finish his work so there is NO homework. NO HOMEWORK can also be written into this IEP if he has a shadow. THIS IS ALL AT THE COST OF THE DISTRICT. Shadows make sure they are not TRUANT. They could go to the gym shoot some hoops - go outside sit and talk.......GET WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS? </p><p></p><p>If he has a big brother? He may be less likely to blow up at home - YOU..........do not ASK anything about his day or his talks with the shadow. It's NUNYA -------Other than You getting along? Yes - Good. Great.....</p><p></p><p>HE........cooperates, and hopefully - has someone that helps him in class, gets him OUT when he's frustrated..........keeps him on task...........and kicks his butt when he's a jerk........and gives him advice about how to handle being a jerk at home........</p><p></p><p>If you are lucky........you get a SHADOW that has therapy/counseling background in his history...........and enjoys the same things as your son - Your son can be a part of the interview process and you and the school counselor and the DISTRICT PSYCHIATRIST work this out ahead of time. DISTRICT PSYCHIATRIST input VERY important. </p><p></p><p>As far as second chances........etc.........etc........etc........and drugs? Test him. Make it part of the condition to live at home. </p><p></p><p>NUMBER ONE THING here -------GET HIS DIPLOMA............</p><p></p><p>ALSO - have you considered ------------------</p><p></p><p>MAKING HIM GET A PT JOB and working with the school with a shadow through a GED on line program ------talk to the HS counselor about alternative programs where kids get out early and earn money at jobs they used to call it OWE - Occupational work experience.......Go to school 1/2 a day - Go to work the other half. </p><p></p><p>ALSO ...................</p><p></p><p>There is TECH school...........TALK TO THEM.........and find out NOW what classes they have avaliable and TAKE HIM FOR A TOUR............ASAP --------</p><p></p><p>Let him see WHAT THERE IS FOR HIS FUTURE............</p><p></p><p>HE may.........completely flip when he sees the auto shop and love body work.........the CNC shop and love machine shop -..........electronics................or ART CLASS and want to be a tattooist..........or graphic artist...</p><p></p><p>DO NOT groan or moan about whatever he is excited about because he will change his mind 100 times.........but he will get excited, possibly stay in school and work towards something if you are lucky..........</p><p></p><p>EVEN ...........CDL class for truckers............take him to a truck driving school...........</p><p></p><p>SHOW HIM WHATS OUT THERE and LET HIM GET A TASTE OF SOMETHING BESIDES DOPE..........or fake dope..........get him interested in something...........</p><p></p><p>THEN........if you see no desire in anything.......if you see no ambition..........if you see no drive............you and your husband get to a therapist........talk over a strategy...........(exit strategy for your son) write it out, present it to your son...........stick to the plan and let him have life like HE wants it - and know you offered him alternatives.........not just the door. THAT WAY??????? YOU HAVE no guilt. ANd you sleep at night. </p><p></p><p>You went the long mile - drug tested.......knew if he was using........worked with the school..........gave him choices for life.............and the rest were HIS choices for HIS LIFE. </p><p></p><p>And you did it - with the help of a trained professional who explains to you all the while..........HE IS AN ADULT --------living in your home.....and if he were NOT your son? Would YOU TOLERATE THIS from anyone else? </p><p>HECK no.......and how to deal with the feelings and waves of emotions you are going to have - because if you just throw him out ---------and do NOT seek professional help ----ONE of you will feel and harbor resentment towards the other for a long, long time---------about your choices and sometimes THAT can be worse than having them there tearing you apart....and sometimes that's why you try to keep them because what you know seems easier than what you don't know. </p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts - </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 459666, member: 4964"] Pinevalley, Hi there. Being in an alternative school, and being that it was legal marijuana? I'm pretty sure the reason they didn't call the police is because the substance 1.) isn't illegal and 2.) has not been addressed to the district, parents and children in a formal manner in their student handbook which would probably have made it a civil liberties issue. Believe it or not seems to me calling the police would have violated HIS civil rights. So if they gave him the "business" over the "stuff" they were doing it with bravado to put a fear into him UNLESS it has been addressed in writing - and then he is very lucky school wise, but it's not an offense they could call police for (not an illegal substance) just a suspendable substance in that particular case. in my opinion. With regards to his processing speed? How long does it take him to understand the house rules? Are these new rules? Did you just change the board game of life? Have you been pretty much consistant in your parenting and what can and can't go under your roof? I mean he's 18 years old - in 18 years? Something had to sink in. He's processed how to eat, take a bath, get dressed, find his way home, buy fake dope, get one over on teachers - so yeah I think trying to skirt the house rules in his favor stating he can't process things fast enough is a load of manure. Moving on. If we're talking about processing things school-work wise? He has to have an IEP if he's in alternative school. Under an IEP the district can give you an EMERGECNY IEP meeting. In that meeting you can request that he be given a SHADOW. Shadows watch him from the time he gets to campus to the time he is supposed to get on the bus. They also help him with homework, class work and when he is "stressing out" can take him OUTSIDE for a walk -or even the rare OFF CAMPUS for a smoke to calm his nerves. THEN back in the classroom to finish his work so there is NO homework. NO HOMEWORK can also be written into this IEP if he has a shadow. THIS IS ALL AT THE COST OF THE DISTRICT. Shadows make sure they are not TRUANT. They could go to the gym shoot some hoops - go outside sit and talk.......GET WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS? If he has a big brother? He may be less likely to blow up at home - YOU..........do not ASK anything about his day or his talks with the shadow. It's NUNYA -------Other than You getting along? Yes - Good. Great..... HE........cooperates, and hopefully - has someone that helps him in class, gets him OUT when he's frustrated..........keeps him on task...........and kicks his butt when he's a jerk........and gives him advice about how to handle being a jerk at home........ If you are lucky........you get a SHADOW that has therapy/counseling background in his history...........and enjoys the same things as your son - Your son can be a part of the interview process and you and the school counselor and the DISTRICT PSYCHIATRIST work this out ahead of time. DISTRICT PSYCHIATRIST input VERY important. As far as second chances........etc.........etc........etc........and drugs? Test him. Make it part of the condition to live at home. NUMBER ONE THING here -------GET HIS DIPLOMA............ ALSO - have you considered ------------------ MAKING HIM GET A PT JOB and working with the school with a shadow through a GED on line program ------talk to the HS counselor about alternative programs where kids get out early and earn money at jobs they used to call it OWE - Occupational work experience.......Go to school 1/2 a day - Go to work the other half. ALSO ................... There is TECH school...........TALK TO THEM.........and find out NOW what classes they have avaliable and TAKE HIM FOR A TOUR............ASAP -------- Let him see WHAT THERE IS FOR HIS FUTURE............ HE may.........completely flip when he sees the auto shop and love body work.........the CNC shop and love machine shop -..........electronics................or ART CLASS and want to be a tattooist..........or graphic artist... DO NOT groan or moan about whatever he is excited about because he will change his mind 100 times.........but he will get excited, possibly stay in school and work towards something if you are lucky.......... EVEN ...........CDL class for truckers............take him to a truck driving school........... SHOW HIM WHATS OUT THERE and LET HIM GET A TASTE OF SOMETHING BESIDES DOPE..........or fake dope..........get him interested in something........... THEN........if you see no desire in anything.......if you see no ambition..........if you see no drive............you and your husband get to a therapist........talk over a strategy...........(exit strategy for your son) write it out, present it to your son...........stick to the plan and let him have life like HE wants it - and know you offered him alternatives.........not just the door. THAT WAY??????? YOU HAVE no guilt. ANd you sleep at night. You went the long mile - drug tested.......knew if he was using........worked with the school..........gave him choices for life.............and the rest were HIS choices for HIS LIFE. And you did it - with the help of a trained professional who explains to you all the while..........HE IS AN ADULT --------living in your home.....and if he were NOT your son? Would YOU TOLERATE THIS from anyone else? HECK no.......and how to deal with the feelings and waves of emotions you are going to have - because if you just throw him out ---------and do NOT seek professional help ----ONE of you will feel and harbor resentment towards the other for a long, long time---------about your choices and sometimes THAT can be worse than having them there tearing you apart....and sometimes that's why you try to keep them because what you know seems easier than what you don't know. Just my thoughts - Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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