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<blockquote data-quote="Etude" data-source="post: 315895" data-attributes="member: 8281"><p>Thank you, thank you, thank you for your posts.</p><p> </p><p>tiredmommy -- I do try to talk to her without being judgmental about her father. And I will continue to try. However, when she asks me something (like "Why did you and Daddy break up?") I try to be truthful but she shuts down and tells me "I can't listen anymore. I am going to cry." My truthful is a gentle truthful and not a full-on,tell-it-like-it-is truthful. I will continue to try, gently, and maybe years from now she will hear what I am saying.</p><p> </p><p>Marg -- I will get her to a counselor. I worried about the AD thing because I didn't know if she felt "better" because it is what she really needs, or if she was "high" from them, or if it mellowed her out from the arrest drama. Her godmother took her to her house after the arrest and didn't let her go back to her father's. Her godmother said her behavior was terrible and it was the first time in 13 yrs she couldn't wait for my daughter to leave. </p><p> </p><p>I've tried to be a good mom and let her have a relationship with all these people in spite of all their addictions/dysfunction because they are family. However, they have never given me any credit for raising her on my own. When they disrespect me and put me down, all I have ever wanted to say is "Have any of you people ever looked in a mirror?" </p><p> </p><p>It is time I start being a b**** because this is my daughter's future that is at stake. Maybe I just needed to hear your support. Thank you for that. In my heart I know I have worked hard and taken responsibility for her life. </p><p> </p><p>You know, sometimes when I tell people (like the courts) what has transpired over the last 13 years, I know from the looks on their faces that they think I am exaggerating or just making it up. I was humiliated in court by the judge once over child support (the one and only time I went or will go back) when I told him that I understand money is tight, but the father always has money for his next pack of cigarettes but his daughter needs a winter coat. (Actually, he always has money for drugs but I didn't say that.) The judge smiled -- make that smirked -- through the whole thing in a courtroom full of male defendants. I was the only plaintiff present and the only female in the full courtroom. When I tried to speak, he allowed my ex to interrupt me, laugh at me, and make fun of me through the whole thing. His only comment was "Well, you two are going to have to work this out yourselves." ???? If we could work it out, we wouldn't have been standing there. My only satisfaction is that eventually they did put him in jail for six months for non-payment. That was years ago. I needed the money then and didn't get it. I don't need it now but he isn't smart enough to go to court and ask for a reduction. He needs to be a victim, so I let him be one.</p><p> </p><p>Let me get back on target here: thank you again for your advice. I will follow up on counselling. Thank you, Marg, for letting me know I am NOT enabling her. Sometimes I think I just need a reality check: yes, her father really isn't keeping her safe.</p><p> </p><p>Bless you all,</p><p>e</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Etude, post: 315895, member: 8281"] Thank you, thank you, thank you for your posts. tiredmommy -- I do try to talk to her without being judgmental about her father. And I will continue to try. However, when she asks me something (like "Why did you and Daddy break up?") I try to be truthful but she shuts down and tells me "I can't listen anymore. I am going to cry." My truthful is a gentle truthful and not a full-on,tell-it-like-it-is truthful. I will continue to try, gently, and maybe years from now she will hear what I am saying. Marg -- I will get her to a counselor. I worried about the AD thing because I didn't know if she felt "better" because it is what she really needs, or if she was "high" from them, or if it mellowed her out from the arrest drama. Her godmother took her to her house after the arrest and didn't let her go back to her father's. Her godmother said her behavior was terrible and it was the first time in 13 yrs she couldn't wait for my daughter to leave. I've tried to be a good mom and let her have a relationship with all these people in spite of all their addictions/dysfunction because they are family. However, they have never given me any credit for raising her on my own. When they disrespect me and put me down, all I have ever wanted to say is "Have any of you people ever looked in a mirror?" It is time I start being a b**** because this is my daughter's future that is at stake. Maybe I just needed to hear your support. Thank you for that. In my heart I know I have worked hard and taken responsibility for her life. You know, sometimes when I tell people (like the courts) what has transpired over the last 13 years, I know from the looks on their faces that they think I am exaggerating or just making it up. I was humiliated in court by the judge once over child support (the one and only time I went or will go back) when I told him that I understand money is tight, but the father always has money for his next pack of cigarettes but his daughter needs a winter coat. (Actually, he always has money for drugs but I didn't say that.) The judge smiled -- make that smirked -- through the whole thing in a courtroom full of male defendants. I was the only plaintiff present and the only female in the full courtroom. When I tried to speak, he allowed my ex to interrupt me, laugh at me, and make fun of me through the whole thing. His only comment was "Well, you two are going to have to work this out yourselves." ???? If we could work it out, we wouldn't have been standing there. My only satisfaction is that eventually they did put him in jail for six months for non-payment. That was years ago. I needed the money then and didn't get it. I don't need it now but he isn't smart enough to go to court and ask for a reduction. He needs to be a victim, so I let him be one. Let me get back on target here: thank you again for your advice. I will follow up on counselling. Thank you, Marg, for letting me know I am NOT enabling her. Sometimes I think I just need a reality check: yes, her father really isn't keeping her safe. Bless you all, e [/QUOTE]
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