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Need Advice on Abandonment Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="PatriotsGirl" data-source="post: 647073" data-attributes="member: 15796"><p>I would have to agree with you. Doesn't seem like it is even in his best interest to be with her. In a way, I can't help but wonder if that is easier. Here, difficult child cries about Connor and it makes me feel <em>so</em> bad. I know she is devastated and heartbroken. I know she will want to be back with him and I cringe when I think about the transition that will need to happen when it is time (NO rush - husband and I discussed this again and we do NOT want to do anything to mess his head up so we are going to tread <em>very</em> carefully about when that timing will be). I almost wonder if it would be easier knowing Connor was with us to stay and she would be out of the picture. </p><p> </p><p>So, if I was in your shoes, I would definitely ask her to think long and hard about whether she wants to be a mother or not for HIS sake. If she doesn't, at least you <em>know</em>, you can get him help to get past the abandonment issues and he will grow up in a loving, stable home. It is the being in limbo that stinks...</p><p> </p><p>husband and I came to the conclusion that we cannot be selfish when it comes to Connor and difficult child can't either. Yes, it is awful that she is missing his second year of life and she won't see him as often but she <em>did</em> create those circumstances. Yes, we have no life anymore besides work and Connor. BUT, he is the most important person in all of this and we think plucking him from the only home he has ever known (and he is beyond attached to me - I am his security blanket, I swear) and away from us would devastate him. Looking back we can see that when we thought he had separation anxiety, it was actually abandonment issues, because that behavior has been gone a while now. To put him through that again, even though he would be with his mother, I think would traumatize him. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>Again - I really really wish we lived close!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PatriotsGirl, post: 647073, member: 15796"] I would have to agree with you. Doesn't seem like it is even in his best interest to be with her. In a way, I can't help but wonder if that is easier. Here, difficult child cries about Connor and it makes me feel [I]so[/I] bad. I know she is devastated and heartbroken. I know she will want to be back with him and I cringe when I think about the transition that will need to happen when it is time (NO rush - husband and I discussed this again and we do NOT want to do anything to mess his head up so we are going to tread [I]very[/I] carefully about when that timing will be). I almost wonder if it would be easier knowing Connor was with us to stay and she would be out of the picture. So, if I was in your shoes, I would definitely ask her to think long and hard about whether she wants to be a mother or not for HIS sake. If she doesn't, at least you [I]know[/I], you can get him help to get past the abandonment issues and he will grow up in a loving, stable home. It is the being in limbo that stinks... husband and I came to the conclusion that we cannot be selfish when it comes to Connor and difficult child can't either. Yes, it is awful that she is missing his second year of life and she won't see him as often but she [I]did[/I] create those circumstances. Yes, we have no life anymore besides work and Connor. BUT, he is the most important person in all of this and we think plucking him from the only home he has ever known (and he is beyond attached to me - I am his security blanket, I swear) and away from us would devastate him. Looking back we can see that when we thought he had separation anxiety, it was actually abandonment issues, because that behavior has been gone a while now. To put him through that again, even though he would be with his mother, I think would traumatize him. :( Again - I really really wish we lived close!!! [/QUOTE]
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