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Need advice on detaching from daughter in difficult family dynamic
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 636903" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Rosebette. I'm sorry you are struggling with your daughter's responses and behaviors. </p><p></p><p>I am an advocate of detachment under most of the scenarios that present themselves here on the PE forum. However, that said, and with the recognition that your daughter may seem entitled, somewhat selfish and opinionated, perhaps more communication would be the first step before more drastic steps are taken. Generally speaking detachment is a process we go through when all other options have been tried.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has been favored by you, as you mentioned, and perhaps that might be a way to start a conversation, the recognition of that, the desire on your part to change it so that more equality exists, a more healthy connection........rather then telling her she is not welcome in your home. I may be totally off base here, but that seems like a drastic stance to take at this time. It sounds more like you and she need to change your dynamic so that she understands others feelings and has empathy for them, which sometimes entitled kids lack. But she is accomplished and taking care of herself and seems successful in many ways, so opening up a dialogue which includes her rather then excludes her, seems to be appropriate.</p><p></p><p>You may not have mentioned all of the scenarios but with what you've mentioned, it appears you and your daughter might be able to make the changes necessary with some guidance from a counselor, or maybe even by simply talking and letting her know how proud you are of her, but that her recent actions have scared you, or upset you or whatever the truth is and give her the opportunity to hear you out, listen and perhaps see what you are saying and make some honest efforts to change. </p><p></p><p>This is of course, my opinion, I am not in your shoes, but communication of honest feelings can go a long way in making change possible between family members. You've both contributed to the present dynamic, perhaps give her the opportunity to make the changes with you, as opposed to you drawing a definitive line in the sand that she has no vote in. I would guess if you do that, she will feel abandoned by you and be pretty angry too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 636903, member: 13542"] Welcome Rosebette. I'm sorry you are struggling with your daughter's responses and behaviors. I am an advocate of detachment under most of the scenarios that present themselves here on the PE forum. However, that said, and with the recognition that your daughter may seem entitled, somewhat selfish and opinionated, perhaps more communication would be the first step before more drastic steps are taken. Generally speaking detachment is a process we go through when all other options have been tried. Your daughter has been favored by you, as you mentioned, and perhaps that might be a way to start a conversation, the recognition of that, the desire on your part to change it so that more equality exists, a more healthy connection........rather then telling her she is not welcome in your home. I may be totally off base here, but that seems like a drastic stance to take at this time. It sounds more like you and she need to change your dynamic so that she understands others feelings and has empathy for them, which sometimes entitled kids lack. But she is accomplished and taking care of herself and seems successful in many ways, so opening up a dialogue which includes her rather then excludes her, seems to be appropriate. You may not have mentioned all of the scenarios but with what you've mentioned, it appears you and your daughter might be able to make the changes necessary with some guidance from a counselor, or maybe even by simply talking and letting her know how proud you are of her, but that her recent actions have scared you, or upset you or whatever the truth is and give her the opportunity to hear you out, listen and perhaps see what you are saying and make some honest efforts to change. This is of course, my opinion, I am not in your shoes, but communication of honest feelings can go a long way in making change possible between family members. You've both contributed to the present dynamic, perhaps give her the opportunity to make the changes with you, as opposed to you drawing a definitive line in the sand that she has no vote in. I would guess if you do that, she will feel abandoned by you and be pretty angry too. [/QUOTE]
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Need advice on detaching from daughter in difficult family dynamic
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