Need Advice on visitation issues

[Jen]

My difficult child has 3 children with his ex fiance. We went to court and was awarded visitation rights. The rigts say we have the kids once a month for what we can work out with ex, and an occassional holiday. Holidays hasnt happened because my son has no rights to see them, and that makes for an awful mess.

Our problems lies in the monthly visits. When it was originally set up we would have them on a weekend that she worked which was always opposite of mine. Then she took another job which landed her on my weekends. So when we take them my husband has them both days with-o me because I am at work, and am tired at night to really enjoy them. This month I asked for a weekend when I would be off, which is her same weekend, because my hubby would be home, and would keep them into the next week for 2 days. Well she has a boyfriend that the kids basically call Dad, fine. He called me one night after I was in bed, cussing me out, and calling me a liar thinking I gave my difficult child the house phone number at their house. Now mind you I barely knew this guy, they are not engaged let alone married. Now he wanted to discuss all this coming up plans saying " She gave me the OK to talk about this with you". I told him why I am calling and just to have her call me back. His response was, " Well I thought you agreed to take the kids once a month on the weekend that she works. "Just have her call me, I said". I waited a few days then called her and explained all in detail and that I wont talk with her boyfriend because he still owes me an apology. She said, I will let you know". They had no plans and the kids would not miss fireworks because not until the following weekend. Tonight he calls, my husband is all nice to him, and No they now have plans, and will have to be the first weekend in july , when the fireworks were happening there???????/.

I am so upset to with my husband because by acting like this it shows he does not support me, and lets this jerk dictate.

Do you think I should call my lawyer?

Jen

 

[WhymeMom?]

Not sure your lawyer is going to be able to get anywhere with the condition "we have the kids once a month for what we can work out with ex, and an occassional holiday." That is pretty vague and it is totally up to ex and what SHE decides.

Looks to me like you are the one who is going to have to bend over backwards to make this work. You may have to arrange a different weekend off. It would probably work out better if you set up something like you get them every third weekend of the month. Keep to the schedule and don't waiver.

Unfortunately you will always be at her mercy....and I wouldn't hold my breathe for an apology from the boyfriend. I don't envy you dealing with this situation.

 

[DammitJanet]

I agree with trying to get the visitation set in as concrete terms as you can get it.

If you can only do things one weekend a month and you have to hash it out, then try emailing her if that is possible with a schedule saying...We would like to get the children every third weekend or every second weekend of the month on a set schedule. Then maybe say...these are the holidays we would like them in the upcoming year. Give plenty of notice.

You can say...we would like to have them on xmas eve or the day after xmas or maybe easter or valentines day or whatever.

We dont yet have this problem with Keyana but it could come to this at some point. We get her at least every other weekend if not every weekend.

 

[Hound dog]

Jen

I'd say it's either bend over backwards, or go back to court and get visitation nailed down specifically. With visitation orders so vague difficult child's ex can tromp all over your rights to see the kids. Right now it's set at her whim which isn't right.

My aunt, with a good lawyer, got her grandparent's rights so set in stone that when her grandkids were adopted out of the foster system by their foster parents she and her husband still had their visitations.

Hugs

 

[Jen]

I understand what you are saying. But there is no where in the written up court order visit that involves her boyfriend to arrange or make the decsions, and he calls us. That aprt I know we wont hve an issue on. We will now have to stipulate because as I said befroe there wasnt a problem with weekends at the beginning because she worked opposite ones. We have ben also conducive with taking them on the weeekens that she and I work, that leaves me seing them 8 hours out of 48 hours of seeing them. This is the first time I have asked to switchit, and would keep them an additional 2 days when she worked.

Jen

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Jen,
I was reading your signature. I don't know much about your situation, so please don't think me nosey or uninformed.

Is the only thing stopping a proper visitation order a set of classes that your son needs to take? Is that something that can happen soon? I agree with you that the boyfriend has no right to dictate visitation times, but if it weren't him, it would be difficult child's X doing it. I think this is just a way of sticking it to ya.

There are very strict laws preventing custodial parents from keeping children away from non custodial parents, but they may vary from state to state.

My prayers are with you and your family, and especially with that baby.

 

[DammitJanet]

Jen...I realize you dont want to deal with the mothers boyfriend but you really just need to let that go. He is part of her life and part of the kids lives now and you just have to act like all is hunky dory and make nice. I tell this to Cory all the time when he cops an attitude with his babys momma and her new boyfriend about Keyana. He cant stand it that the new boyfriend buys Keyana anything. Well who cares? Its life.

In these days of broken families there are gonna be tons of significant others in the kids lives that you have to deal with. Just deal with it. Act like what comes out of his mouth is coming out of the mothers mouth. It might as well be. Obviously she has told him to tell you this. Its not something I would get bent out of shape over.

Does it really matter if you get told by him or her what weekend you get the kids?

 

[Jen]

I spoke with my lawyer today, adn he agrees the court order doesnt involve th boyfriend and he has no say in this. I have no problems with him being a parent for these kids, but this court order is what it is.

The lawyer says it is not going to be a problem to take this court and get it cleareed. As far as the weekend , I am willing to meet them halfway and keep the weekens the way they are except every 3 month be on a weekend that I am off so my visits are a 48 hour expereince, not 8 hours because of my work and sleep schedule.

Jen