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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 204704" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I would say something about this conversation not being appropriate in front of other people, including me. I also would have to tell him that I would not have him talking like that to my daughter in front of me. He could take ME on, but he would have to leave my daughter alone in front of me. That is just how I am made.</p><p> </p><p>They can be as ugly to each other as they want in private, but not in front of me. I had to do the same thing when my father in law was being UGLY to my husband in front of me. It was in our home twice, and I flat out said that that kind of talk wasn't welcome in my home. Then father in law tried it in his home. I spelled out the relationship - his son didn't ever bring up visiting, I did. With that kind of talk I would NOT be bringing up visits, nor would I be cooperating with them, or letting my child come on visits where people are that UGLY to each other.</p><p> </p><p>My father in law got angry, we were asked to leave (well, I was and husband said that if I left, he and Wiz were too - the ohter kids were not born yet.) The next few months they saw I meant what I said when I said no to a couple of invites, after checking with my husband. They came around, and now we have a really good relationship. And father in law ISN"T ugly with ANYONE around me because he is afraid I will leave - and I would.</p><p> </p><p>I REALLY REALLY think you should take your daughter to an al-anon or narc-anon meeting. SHE was as affected by your son's drugging as anyone else in the family and SHE needs to face up to that, and learn other ways to relate to people. You can't problem get your sister in law to go, but your daughter problem learned this was OK behavior because your son treated you and others like that and was not forced to stop. I know you wanted to change your son's life, but you really changed your other kids' lives by letting that behavior continue. Your daughter will need time and help to learn healthy ways to relate to others and how to change the way others treat her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 204704, member: 1233"] I would say something about this conversation not being appropriate in front of other people, including me. I also would have to tell him that I would not have him talking like that to my daughter in front of me. He could take ME on, but he would have to leave my daughter alone in front of me. That is just how I am made. They can be as ugly to each other as they want in private, but not in front of me. I had to do the same thing when my father in law was being UGLY to my husband in front of me. It was in our home twice, and I flat out said that that kind of talk wasn't welcome in my home. Then father in law tried it in his home. I spelled out the relationship - his son didn't ever bring up visiting, I did. With that kind of talk I would NOT be bringing up visits, nor would I be cooperating with them, or letting my child come on visits where people are that UGLY to each other. My father in law got angry, we were asked to leave (well, I was and husband said that if I left, he and Wiz were too - the ohter kids were not born yet.) The next few months they saw I meant what I said when I said no to a couple of invites, after checking with my husband. They came around, and now we have a really good relationship. And father in law ISN"T ugly with ANYONE around me because he is afraid I will leave - and I would. I REALLY REALLY think you should take your daughter to an al-anon or narc-anon meeting. SHE was as affected by your son's drugging as anyone else in the family and SHE needs to face up to that, and learn other ways to relate to people. You can't problem get your sister in law to go, but your daughter problem learned this was OK behavior because your son treated you and others like that and was not forced to stop. I know you wanted to change your son's life, but you really changed your other kids' lives by letting that behavior continue. Your daughter will need time and help to learn healthy ways to relate to others and how to change the way others treat her. [/QUOTE]
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