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Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689861" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It sounds like your son is handling things well. </p><p></p><p>This is my take: There needs to be clear communication with the three of you. And husband needs to talk directly to son about his feelings, not put you in the middle. </p><p></p><p>If husband had agreed from the beginning that son be a part of the getaway, husband needs to take responsibility for his change of heart and work it out with son. At the same time son needs to hear his stepfather's concerns about him and to understand why. </p><p></p><p>This is part of a functioning family, that stuff not be harbored, hidden away, so that it festers. I do not know if you checked with husband before renewing the invitation to son, again. </p><p></p><p>On the other hand I think that because son did not commit for a long time to the getaway, it is on him, if he is unable to go.</p><p></p><p>In the end it all comes down to clear and open communication and taking responsibility for one's part.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I will even go across town to speak to M, who I live with, to ask him if it is OK that my son spend the night!! I have worried if my son feels hurt, jealous or resentful (because my relationship with him far precedes that with M) but I put that aside. </p><p></p><p>My son in his heart knows why I go to these lengths to involve M in all decisions that affect him. Because my son has created havoc for the both of us, and my son has and continues to triangulate. That is the problem you are involved in right now. The question is, how to clean it up.</p><p></p><p>Clear communication and the sense by all that they are respected in decision making, and as part of a family is more important than any trip. This does not mean that your husband is not responsible for his own feelings, too, if they are not reasonable. He needs to hear that from you, if he is putting you in a spot that is difficult for you, caught between son and husband. He needs to hear how hard that is for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689861, member: 18958"] It sounds like your son is handling things well. This is my take: There needs to be clear communication with the three of you. And husband needs to talk directly to son about his feelings, not put you in the middle. If husband had agreed from the beginning that son be a part of the getaway, husband needs to take responsibility for his change of heart and work it out with son. At the same time son needs to hear his stepfather's concerns about him and to understand why. This is part of a functioning family, that stuff not be harbored, hidden away, so that it festers. I do not know if you checked with husband before renewing the invitation to son, again. On the other hand I think that because son did not commit for a long time to the getaway, it is on him, if he is unable to go. In the end it all comes down to clear and open communication and taking responsibility for one's part. Sometimes, I will even go across town to speak to M, who I live with, to ask him if it is OK that my son spend the night!! I have worried if my son feels hurt, jealous or resentful (because my relationship with him far precedes that with M) but I put that aside. My son in his heart knows why I go to these lengths to involve M in all decisions that affect him. Because my son has created havoc for the both of us, and my son has and continues to triangulate. That is the problem you are involved in right now. The question is, how to clean it up. Clear communication and the sense by all that they are respected in decision making, and as part of a family is more important than any trip. This does not mean that your husband is not responsible for his own feelings, too, if they are not reasonable. He needs to hear that from you, if he is putting you in a spot that is difficult for you, caught between son and husband. He needs to hear how hard that is for you. [/QUOTE]
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