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Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 690003" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We think differently.</p><p></p><p>Son has hurt everyone in his family. Knowingly. He is 24, not ten. When does HE have to start caring about other's feelings?</p><p></p><p>The best way to resolve old family issues is processional family therapy. To me, whether or not he and WSM's goes or if they talk about, with no guidance or neutral party and some probably not able to communicate well, it will probably turn into a finger pointing fight that will make it worse.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, for me it's time for WSM son to stop hurting his family. My younger kids were terrified of daughter when she used. Has he called a family meeting and apologized for HIS scary behavior? Why does he get to be the victim? He needs motivation to stay clean. He is not out of the woods yet. And he probably hurt his step dad, his mother and younger siblings more than this vacation mess could urt him. After all, he chose a girlfriend over the family THEN wanted to go only after they broke up. He wasn't pining to go when he was with her.</p><p>I jjust don't see why this should be all about this one person in a large family.</p><p>This one incidrnt will not heal the family, no matter how it turns out. It would take months to years of therapy, with no guarantee they this adult child will even participate...would he care enough? In the future, will he even stay clean? The marriage could implode and the younger kids could lose their father.</p><p>As one who lived it from the stepfather to having younger kids dealing with the drugs, I believe the son is continuing the selfishness of an addict.</p><p>Why doesn't he just say, "mom, I know I put all of you through so much. I'm a man now. Please go without me. Ill be fine." He doesn't say it, as an adult, because he is still selfish, like all addicts.</p><p>Either way, the 23 year old can feel he is in control. in my opinion not good</p><p>Well, well see how this plays out.</p><p>WMS, you need to do what is best for you. You are not a professional family counselor and should not feel pressured to fix your entire family. I know you'd like to. Wouldn't we all? But there are five of you??? You cant possibly expect to fix all the hurt in your family, much due to 23=son.</p><p></p><p>I hope you have a peaceful night. This is not your doing and whatever bfinally happens, you will not please everyone. Nobody can sweep up the mess of a family illness...drug addiction...alone. Yes, it affects everyone. It will take a long time to heal and your son will need to prove to all that he can stay clean and grow up and make amends before there is a real healing.</p><p></p><p>You can take him on a vacation with family next year if he stays off heroin and away from dealers. Even a camping trip with family is a vacation. This particular vacation in my opinion is not to punish him, even if he sees it that way. Once he is long time sober, he will understand. My daughter harbors no anger for what happened when she used. She gets it and our family went through a lot, but are close and caring now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 690003, member: 1550"] We think differently. Son has hurt everyone in his family. Knowingly. He is 24, not ten. When does HE have to start caring about other's feelings? The best way to resolve old family issues is processional family therapy. To me, whether or not he and WSM's goes or if they talk about, with no guidance or neutral party and some probably not able to communicate well, it will probably turn into a finger pointing fight that will make it worse. Anyhow, for me it's time for WSM son to stop hurting his family. My younger kids were terrified of daughter when she used. Has he called a family meeting and apologized for HIS scary behavior? Why does he get to be the victim? He needs motivation to stay clean. He is not out of the woods yet. And he probably hurt his step dad, his mother and younger siblings more than this vacation mess could urt him. After all, he chose a girlfriend over the family THEN wanted to go only after they broke up. He wasn't pining to go when he was with her. I jjust don't see why this should be all about this one person in a large family. This one incidrnt will not heal the family, no matter how it turns out. It would take months to years of therapy, with no guarantee they this adult child will even participate...would he care enough? In the future, will he even stay clean? The marriage could implode and the younger kids could lose their father. As one who lived it from the stepfather to having younger kids dealing with the drugs, I believe the son is continuing the selfishness of an addict. Why doesn't he just say, "mom, I know I put all of you through so much. I'm a man now. Please go without me. Ill be fine." He doesn't say it, as an adult, because he is still selfish, like all addicts. Either way, the 23 year old can feel he is in control. in my opinion not good Well, well see how this plays out. WMS, you need to do what is best for you. You are not a professional family counselor and should not feel pressured to fix your entire family. I know you'd like to. Wouldn't we all? But there are five of you??? You cant possibly expect to fix all the hurt in your family, much due to 23=son. I hope you have a peaceful night. This is not your doing and whatever bfinally happens, you will not please everyone. Nobody can sweep up the mess of a family illness...drug addiction...alone. Yes, it affects everyone. It will take a long time to heal and your son will need to prove to all that he can stay clean and grow up and make amends before there is a real healing. You can take him on a vacation with family next year if he stays off heroin and away from dealers. Even a camping trip with family is a vacation. This particular vacation in my opinion is not to punish him, even if he sees it that way. Once he is long time sober, he will understand. My daughter harbors no anger for what happened when she used. She gets it and our family went through a lot, but are close and caring now. [/QUOTE]
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