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Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 690528" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>I just knew you'd end up going! Yes! I have a strong feeling that everybody is going to be relaxed and peaceful. Does your trip involve this? <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/playingball.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":playingball:" title="playingball :playingball:" data-shortname=":playingball:" /> I can <em>feel</em> your relief & excitement that son is going. And, I think your husband is going to soften up, how could he not? You already posted an example, when he came home from work for lunch the other day.</p><p></p><p>I wonder if your husband is a bit jealous of the emotional attention, energy, that your son receives from you? The worry, concern, sadness, etc. that he sees you feel, on a daily basis, <em>for your son</em>. Maybe your husband feels like he should be getting more of that attention? Just a thought here=). I often wonder if my own husband, who is NOT a jealous person, occasionally feels a pang here or there. I also sort of feel like some resentment is there, from husband towards son, for being such a 'preoccupation' for me. This is an 'assumption', it's never been said or really expressed in any way. But, how could he not feel some semblance of resentment? To be honest, if the tables were turned, I would feel resentment toward that (step) difficult child. I mean I am almost <em>daily, </em>semi-consumed with my son's whereabouts, safety, sobriety or lack of. I also am sometimes moody because of the stress. In the past 9 months, since son got kicked out of Grammy's & ramped up his drinking/using...there have been many days where I've walked around the house like a 'zombie'! For a man, my husband is very tuned in to me and my moods (sometimes annoyingly so<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/wornout.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wornout:" title="wornout :wornout:" data-shortname=":wornout:" />)...and so he DOES notice!</p><p></p><p>I totally get your worry for your son's life. I am <em>right there with you</em>. I have also had many moments of heart-gripping fear that something has or is going to happen to him. It's just AWFUL. There were many days where I'd not be able to reach him or didn't want to talk to him (stressful) and so in order to get some 'peace' for myself, I'd literally call the 3 main hospitals in his town, just to rule out his name as a patient. Then, I would know that he was ok and could try to enjoy my day. Until the next one. It's sad, isn't it? <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/alien.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":alien:" title="alien :alien:" data-shortname=":alien:" /></p><p></p><p>As I've posted in the past, in the past 9 months, he had called me (500 miles away) one or 2 times, in psychotic and hostile rages, while on hard liquor and/or speed pills. He shared with me last month at Family Session that when he called me and hub that one awful time, many months back, in a violent sounding rage...he was on <em>'speed pills'</em>. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite9" alt=":eek:" title="Eek! :eek:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":eek:" /> He also swore to me, at Family Session, that he has never, ever used a needle. Pfewf! I was relieved to hear that.</p><p></p><p>I wish strength for you and me and all of us on CD. And, mostly, strength and willpower for our boys (men!), who are both in recovery right now. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/inlove.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":inlove:" title="inlove :inlove:" data-shortname=":inlove:" /></p><p></p><p>Have a wonderful, beauteous time with your family. I am SO happy that this was the outcome. Truthfully, I felt very, very strongly, that your son needed to attend with y'all on this 'once-in-a-lifetime trip.</p><p></p><p>Regarding your husband, who seems to have some bitterness going on in his heart, I thought I'd post this, one of my favorite quotes from Mother Teresa, <em><strong>for you</strong></em>:</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #0000ff"><em>"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Teresa</em></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 690528, member: 19966"] I just knew you'd end up going! Yes! I have a strong feeling that everybody is going to be relaxed and peaceful. Does your trip involve this? :playingball: I can [I]feel[/I] your relief & excitement that son is going. And, I think your husband is going to soften up, how could he not? You already posted an example, when he came home from work for lunch the other day. I wonder if your husband is a bit jealous of the emotional attention, energy, that your son receives from you? The worry, concern, sadness, etc. that he sees you feel, on a daily basis, [I]for your son[/I]. Maybe your husband feels like he should be getting more of that attention? Just a thought here=). I often wonder if my own husband, who is NOT a jealous person, occasionally feels a pang here or there. I also sort of feel like some resentment is there, from husband towards son, for being such a 'preoccupation' for me. This is an 'assumption', it's never been said or really expressed in any way. But, how could he not feel some semblance of resentment? To be honest, if the tables were turned, I would feel resentment toward that (step) difficult child. I mean I am almost [I]daily, [/I]semi-consumed with my son's whereabouts, safety, sobriety or lack of. I also am sometimes moody because of the stress. In the past 9 months, since son got kicked out of Grammy's & ramped up his drinking/using...there have been many days where I've walked around the house like a 'zombie'! For a man, my husband is very tuned in to me and my moods (sometimes annoyingly so:wornout:)...and so he DOES notice! I totally get your worry for your son's life. I am [I]right there with you[/I]. I have also had many moments of heart-gripping fear that something has or is going to happen to him. It's just AWFUL. There were many days where I'd not be able to reach him or didn't want to talk to him (stressful) and so in order to get some 'peace' for myself, I'd literally call the 3 main hospitals in his town, just to rule out his name as a patient. Then, I would know that he was ok and could try to enjoy my day. Until the next one. It's sad, isn't it? :alien: As I've posted in the past, in the past 9 months, he had called me (500 miles away) one or 2 times, in psychotic and hostile rages, while on hard liquor and/or speed pills. He shared with me last month at Family Session that when he called me and hub that one awful time, many months back, in a violent sounding rage...he was on [I]'speed pills'[/I]. :eek: He also swore to me, at Family Session, that he has never, ever used a needle. Pfewf! I was relieved to hear that. I wish strength for you and me and all of us on CD. And, mostly, strength and willpower for our boys (men!), who are both in recovery right now. :inlove: Have a wonderful, beauteous time with your family. I am SO happy that this was the outcome. Truthfully, I felt very, very strongly, that your son needed to attend with y'all on this 'once-in-a-lifetime trip. Regarding your husband, who seems to have some bitterness going on in his heart, I thought I'd post this, one of my favorite quotes from Mother Teresa, [I][B]for you[/B][/I]: [SIZE=5][COLOR=#0000ff][I]"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Teresa[/I][/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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