I need help, I cannot afford a treatment center for my son in today's economy. I have not had much luck on our state funded places because he has to want to be there and at this time he refuses to go get help. I can send him to out of state place where they will have to keep him but they are thousand and thousand of dollars that I dont have. I have been trying for over 6 months to get insurance that covers substance abuse, but have not had much luck. Any suggestions on where to get insurance or how I can get him help that I can afford. He has mental health coverage, if he is depressed as some think can I start with that? I am thinking the drugs are because of another issue not the other issues are because of the drugs. I need any advise, he will be home tomorrow and I have to plan my next step.
Need Advise on Placement
- Thread starter M0MTY
- Start date
buddy
New Member
I know this will sound like I am joking, and I know it is a LLLLOOOOONNNNGGGGG shot, but any chance one of those reality shows....like Intervention or even Dr. Phil? I wouldn't like to go in public myself, but I dont know how i would feel if I couldn't find anything....I think it not only addresses the addiction story but the insurance story in our country. (not to mention the county systems) I doubt that is helpful but just throwing it out there....
Here are the angles that are novel in my humble opinion: He is near 18 so you are in a crunch (am I remembering that right?), public system puts you in a catch 22 situation, insurance problems. Again, I know it is not for everyone and even if it is they maybe get thousands of requests, but they always say at the end of the shows, if you know someone who is struggling, call or email....
You have my thoughts and prayers in any event....HUG
Here are the angles that are novel in my humble opinion: He is near 18 so you are in a crunch (am I remembering that right?), public system puts you in a catch 22 situation, insurance problems. Again, I know it is not for everyone and even if it is they maybe get thousands of requests, but they always say at the end of the shows, if you know someone who is struggling, call or email....
You have my thoughts and prayers in any event....HUG
keista
New Member
Hi and welcome!
How long until he's 18?
I'm a firm believer that "issues" come before addiction and the addiction - whether drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, or caffeine - is a way to self medicate those issues. If you can get him treatment for depression through insurance, definitely start there. If docs argue with you, insist that the depression came first and fueled the drugs, and insurance pays for depression and not drugs, so HELP!
Anyway, back to the 18 thing. If he refuses to admit he has problems and needs help, start preparing him for the reality that once he turns 18, he is NOT your responsibility anymore, and if he refuses to help himself, YOU will not help him either. Help = a place to live, food, transportation, clothes, money, etc.
How long until he's 18?
I'm a firm believer that "issues" come before addiction and the addiction - whether drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, or caffeine - is a way to self medicate those issues. If you can get him treatment for depression through insurance, definitely start there. If docs argue with you, insist that the depression came first and fueled the drugs, and insurance pays for depression and not drugs, so HELP!
Anyway, back to the 18 thing. If he refuses to admit he has problems and needs help, start preparing him for the reality that once he turns 18, he is NOT your responsibility anymore, and if he refuses to help himself, YOU will not help him either. Help = a place to live, food, transportation, clothes, money, etc.
exhausted
Active Member
Has he been through any trauma? Is there depression in the family? What issues might be causing his drug use? Drugs are almost always self-medication. Can you afford a loan to get him help in an out of state placement? Have you checked out Boy's Town-it is a United Way funded program. Is he working on GED? Will he go to a psychiatrist to be seen? Ours would drug test and insurance covered that. It actually stopped the drug use when she was being tested.
T
toughlovin
Guest
Just a comment on drug testing.... kids who really want to get high will get around drug tests in various ways. My difficult child has been drug tested for awhile and passes.... because it did make him stop smoking pot since that stays in your system for a long time... however other OTC medications are not tested for or other things such as alcohol don't stay in your system a long time. So even though a kid starts passing drug tests doesn't mean they are not using... they might be.
TL
TL
Ephchap
Active Member
If he's not going to go willingly and has not been court ordered, I'm not sure what the options are.
In my son's case, he had just turned 17 and had finally agreed to sign himself into an adolescent rehab. Here in Michigan, there is such a grey area, as 17 is considered an adult by the law, but it is considered a juvenille/adolescent by the medical and rehab places. He went into a short term place, where the game plan was to keep him for 21 days while we looked for a long-term placement so he could go directly to the long-term facility from the rehab place. The facility released him on day 12 and he was arrested that very night on a drug related felony.
It took a few weeks to get the long-term placement in place, but he did agree to go, as he knew he had run out of options. We were able to find an adolescent dual-diagnostic (psychiatric and sub abuse) secure (yes, locked) facility. I had made countless phone calls to hospitals, rehabs, agencies, etc. and was finally able to find this one. We went through our county's MHMR agency and they put us in contact with an agency that worked with them for placements. He was evaluated (once in their office and once in our home) and after filling out countless forms, they actually put him in through social security. It was based on his income (which was 0) and most of his residential was paid for. They did ask us to fill out financial forms, and based on our income, gave us an amount they thought we could afford. We disputed this amount and were able to get them to lower it to a more manageable amount.
His facility was part of a larger program, but he stayed in a wing comprised of 12 boys. They lived together, made their meals together, cleaned up together, had meetings together, etc. It was based on the philosophy that they would hold each other accountable. They did go to school on the grounds there with other groups, but that was really their only interaction. As time went on and one of the boys would reach a certain level, they were sometimes given approval to attend the local public school (transported via van by the facility) and were able to work outside of the facility. This was a process though - they had to earn these priviledges.
My son was there a total of 10 months, until his 18th birthday, and actually we were told that since he had entered the program, he could have stayed after 18 until they felt he was ready. They did feel he was ready though, and he came home and attended outpatient therapy and group sessions for sub abusers.
I only relay our story to let you know that help is out there, but unfortunately, even in that instance he had to want the help. Many of the boys in his program were court ordered though, so they didn't have that option. Once my son signed himself in, however, he was also locked in with the agreement (by now, through the courts as the judge only agreed not to throw him in prison if he completed this program) that he only be released once the director of the facility felt he had completed their program and was ready.
Check with your state or county MHMR agencies. Contact rehab programs and find out if they have any secure (locked) programs.
My heart goes out to you. I know what a hopeless situation it is to watch your child self destructing and not being able to stop them. Substance abuse encompasses everyone around the addict.
Big hugs,
Deb
In my son's case, he had just turned 17 and had finally agreed to sign himself into an adolescent rehab. Here in Michigan, there is such a grey area, as 17 is considered an adult by the law, but it is considered a juvenille/adolescent by the medical and rehab places. He went into a short term place, where the game plan was to keep him for 21 days while we looked for a long-term placement so he could go directly to the long-term facility from the rehab place. The facility released him on day 12 and he was arrested that very night on a drug related felony.
It took a few weeks to get the long-term placement in place, but he did agree to go, as he knew he had run out of options. We were able to find an adolescent dual-diagnostic (psychiatric and sub abuse) secure (yes, locked) facility. I had made countless phone calls to hospitals, rehabs, agencies, etc. and was finally able to find this one. We went through our county's MHMR agency and they put us in contact with an agency that worked with them for placements. He was evaluated (once in their office and once in our home) and after filling out countless forms, they actually put him in through social security. It was based on his income (which was 0) and most of his residential was paid for. They did ask us to fill out financial forms, and based on our income, gave us an amount they thought we could afford. We disputed this amount and were able to get them to lower it to a more manageable amount.
His facility was part of a larger program, but he stayed in a wing comprised of 12 boys. They lived together, made their meals together, cleaned up together, had meetings together, etc. It was based on the philosophy that they would hold each other accountable. They did go to school on the grounds there with other groups, but that was really their only interaction. As time went on and one of the boys would reach a certain level, they were sometimes given approval to attend the local public school (transported via van by the facility) and were able to work outside of the facility. This was a process though - they had to earn these priviledges.
My son was there a total of 10 months, until his 18th birthday, and actually we were told that since he had entered the program, he could have stayed after 18 until they felt he was ready. They did feel he was ready though, and he came home and attended outpatient therapy and group sessions for sub abusers.
I only relay our story to let you know that help is out there, but unfortunately, even in that instance he had to want the help. Many of the boys in his program were court ordered though, so they didn't have that option. Once my son signed himself in, however, he was also locked in with the agreement (by now, through the courts as the judge only agreed not to throw him in prison if he completed this program) that he only be released once the director of the facility felt he had completed their program and was ready.
Check with your state or county MHMR agencies. Contact rehab programs and find out if they have any secure (locked) programs.
My heart goes out to you. I know what a hopeless situation it is to watch your child self destructing and not being able to stop them. Substance abuse encompasses everyone around the addict.
Big hugs,
Deb
DDD
Well-Known Member
If they don't want to go, they are not going to "work the program". That's the final line. I understand your fears and your frustrations. Our teen agreed to go because I told him he had to go. Unusual, I know, but he has never wanted to doubt my motives or to be confrontational with me. BUT although he attended three residential programs he did not embrace the concept of substance abuse avoidance. Over time (it has been ten years, sigh) he switched to alcohol as his choice.
We spent alot of money that we didn't have. We did everything that we could do. He owns his addiction. He owned it at 14 and he owns it at 24. He has many problems as a result...but...we can not control his choices.
The reason I post this is because I'm sure that you feel an urgent need to get him help. Truthfully, I felt great relief when I got him in placement. It was painful having him away from home but we "knew" it was for his own good and would improve his future. He politely went with "the flow" but in his heart he did not want help. I don't want you to think that because you can't find or afford a placement that you are not a good Mom etc. The majority of us who have been there done that had high hopes that were dashed.
Sending understanding hugs of support your way. DDD
We spent alot of money that we didn't have. We did everything that we could do. He owns his addiction. He owned it at 14 and he owns it at 24. He has many problems as a result...but...we can not control his choices.
The reason I post this is because I'm sure that you feel an urgent need to get him help. Truthfully, I felt great relief when I got him in placement. It was painful having him away from home but we "knew" it was for his own good and would improve his future. He politely went with "the flow" but in his heart he did not want help. I don't want you to think that because you can't find or afford a placement that you are not a good Mom etc. The majority of us who have been there done that had high hopes that were dashed.
Sending understanding hugs of support your way. DDD
