Need help! CPS took daughter for her self injury

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by allhaileris, Mar 21, 2012.

  1. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    My daughter was taken from us 6 days ago because she got stressed out one day last week after a bad day at school, and ended up hitting her face so hard it looked like she was beaten. I got it out of her over the evening that she did it to herself (and she said it "kind of" felt good, I worry about her turning into a cutter). I KNOW she did this. I took a picture that clearly defines her hand print, and some pinch marks. She's ****** at her dad all the time lately because he wants her to do her homework and clean her room. I know he's being too hard on her, and he's admitted he's been in denial, but he'd never strike her. Police claim her hand print was a pressure mark from holding her hand up, but my picture clearly shows her lily white skin on her hand with not a single mark. The police doesn't believe us in the slightest. They can't believe a child would 1. keep up a lie like that and 2. hurt herself. They don't know my daughter!

    I have found some diary type notes that indicate she's sorry for acting bad, running away, embarrassing me, etc. I found a note that said she didn't like her dad because he treated her like a "brat" and she didn't like it because it was "so boring". I found a bunch of artwork with smiling girls all over it. Basically it's our word against theirs. CPS is treating us like **** because we won't admit to something we didn't do. Us calling her a liar, without understanding ODD at all, makes us look horrible in their eyes. Her IEP even states she lies.

    This is the third time they've been called and found the other two instances unfounded (fell off a table, fell onto toys was one, the other she didn't blame us, but the teacher called to report a slight bruise). She's sensory seeking, High-Functioning Autism (HFA), ODD, a little Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I've been bugging husband to get her on medications for months now (mood stabilizer and impulse control). I have seen her hurt herself. Sometimes I hear her getting all freaked out by him, I go in her room to find him calmly standing there, but speaking firmly, and she's totally spazing.

    All of our friends say things like "I can't believe they believed her" or "she has issues", or they've seen first hand her hurting me and me just placing her in her room to tantrum it out, I'll get her when she's done. I had a serious injury last Dec and was in the hospital for a week, out of work for over a month. Then I was also co-chair for her school auction (unfortunately I volunteered in Sept) and between the two I haven't been able to spend as much time with her. She's begging for attention. She's told people that she can't stop hurting us and that she forgets times when she's all raged up. We're also in the middle of moving, and she's expressed to my brother that she didn't want to help with the move.

    Not sure what my signature says, but she's 9 right now. I have given my lawyer a copy of her notes, her art, her IEP a year ago (I need her evaluation in May that indicated her Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is worse than before), and a copy of a bunch of internet articles to educate them about self injury, ODD and Autism. And even though her communication skills are lacking, she's smart and is mad.

    Does anybody have any experience with this? I'm seriously freaking out. Going to doctor tomorrow to at least get some help for me and my nerves so I can work and not cry all the time.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow! I am so sorry. I guess I am glad my son has hit his own head etc. at school...he will punch his head really hard. I totally believe she did that. Especially if she is sensory seeking. I dont think they can feel it as true pain unless it is really hard. His hand will even hurt after. He is overly sensitive when calm but if he is agitated, upset, angry, etc...he really can't feel much.

    I sure hope your lawyer can get experts, maybe her Occupational Therapist (OT)?? (does she have one) to help explain how this can happen??? Makes me crazy that our cps, law officers, etc. do not understand Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or other disabilities. Really scary. I am sorry I am not much help but I can support you... I absolutely can see how this happened. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Hugs))) How is difficult child with this? Have you been able to see her? Does she have a psychiatrist, therapist or social worker that can back up your side? How is your son?
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would work closely with your lawyer. How did the first court hearing go?? Did your attorney object to their placement of her?

    Her true colors will come out soon in the foster home. That should help.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Work very closely with a GOOD lawyer. this kind of thing can be a mess. sadly, the CPS people probably don't have enough experience to know what is going on. Get her therapist, teachers, your family friends, anyone who has seen her hurt herself or found out about the lies to give a deposition or an affadavit (whatever the atty recommends) to establish a pattern of behavior. Also get an appointment with a psychiatrist and get her evaluated by a good one. Ask the atty which psychiatrist would be good to help. If nothing else, promise to do therapy as a family and indiv and promise to have a psychiatrist and therapist on board at all possible times. that may help.

    In time the novelty of the foster home will wear off and she will act out there. But it may take quite a while.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I mentioned in another post about a child with Asperger's who CPS recently took and they were going to charge the mom with abandonment because he had broken her arm, she has two little ones at home, is fatally ill and their family can't handle him alone without supports. They have been working with the disability law association for his educational services and county services for years and the county keeps telling them they have enough (for the record the county paid 25 dollars in services for him last year).

    They just went to court and they dropped the charges and said the kid could leave the residential treatment center he was in while waiting this out. Turns out his public defender and GAL knew NOTHING about his disability. The lawyer told the dis. law advocate that he knew when he got the file it was not the typical parental neglect and nothing added up but he didn't know enough about it. Scary right? To his credit he then called her frequently and asked for information to see what they needed to petition the court for. IF the judge didn't order the county to provide supports then this was going to just get worse because they were insisting there were no waivers etc. (our state opens 65 CADI waivers per month and there is a wait list yes but there is also a priority system and emergency cases can get them first, so they out and out lied to this mom for years) That is where the disability law center comes in. They do not represent in legal issues in court, they (among other things directly with the family) can provide technical assistance to any lawyer who is working with someone with a disability. The advocate went to court in this case and the judge actually asked her to address the court to give a mini lesson. After court the public defender asked if she did trainings and of course that is a huge part of what they do in cities at police stations, working with law offices etc. She again stressed that this being dismissed only meant that this kid will be back here and God forbid, it will be a worse situation. They MUST get him on a county program with more intensive supports or this family will be harmed. CPS already said the family had to take him, that he is not garbage to throw away BUT if they don't control him they would take BOTH of the other kids. It is all so sick.

    Anyway, the point is... I dont know your lawyer situation but even if a private "good" lawyer.... it may be worth seeing if you can get the free technical help from the disability law center in your state. they are under the Office of Civil Rights in every state I believe. (may be wrong, but I think the main office is in Chicago).....
  7. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    I'm having a hard time using my brain in the past few days (obvously) so I'm going to have to read everybody's responses a few times and come back with more questions, so just keep adding them and I'll get back with some more questions or answers.

    First, she has no therapist, psychiatrist. I haven't even taken her to the regular doctor for a while because she's really healthy. I know I should have. I have been bugging my husband, who is a SAHD, to take her for many months and he's refused. We've had one car so it's been impossible for me to just make her an appointment and get her from school or something without him knowing (not that I even want to do that, I want her care to be a mutual decision). She got a full Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) evaluation from her school last May, which indicated she was worse than the regional center evaluation 2 years earlier (because they used too much of my responses, even though I'm too much like her, have no kids to compare her to, etc). I can't find it right now and asked the school to provide it (which they haven't so far, but I assume they're asking their lawyer what they can do).

    I need to change my signature, but my daughter is 9, 10 in July. I have not seen her. I get my first visit on Friday, and supposedly she'll be allowed to call me starting tonight.

    We can't afford a lawyer at all. We have no means in the slightest. We've been assigned lawyers from the court. Everybody, CPS, the cops, the lawyers, all admit they don't know enough about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or ODD.

    I will definitely find the disability law office. We're in NorCal if that matters at all.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The disability law center is part of legal aid. Look them up for your state and get them involved.

    You have a RIGHT to a copy of the evaluation from school, even if you already got one. Call the school and tell them you need a copy and will pick it up tomorrow. It should not be a problem. If the lawyer requests it there might be some paperwork, and you may have to sign a form saying they gave you a copy, but it is there. You can also go and read her file while you are there. That way you will know what is in it that might help or what might hurt. Then you can ask what the procedure it to get a copy fo the entire file. not sure about where you are, but it is often easier to provide copies to the atty, even if you have to go and get them from varous places, than to wait for the atty to get them.

    Also go find a book that explains Aspergers and is pretty easy to understand. I don't know what is out there now, but I am sure you will find something. Google for an autism center in your state or one of the national autism groups. Go to their website and see if you can find nfo that explains the disorder clearly and contact them to see f they have any resources that mght help you or other ideas/avenues for help. You also might consider contacting NAMI even though Aspergers isn't really a mental helath issue. ODD is, and they might be able to provide substantial info and other help.

    I hope some of this helps. Ignore what doesn't work, but don't just assume these groups won't help you. You won't know until you ask them.
  9. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    We were told we can't go to the school. I really don't want to get the cops called on me, it'll make us look worse. There has been no "stay away" order, but I'm not going to push it. Today is the last day of school before spring break as well, so they'll give it to me today, or the week after next.
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    If there is no order telling you that you cannot go to the school, then go. Who told you that you cannot? CPS? The school? They have no right to do so. There MUST BE A COURT ORDER, unless you were escorted off the property by the police. They are trying to railroad you. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ALL EDUCATION RELATED PAPERWORK UNLESS A COURT HAS DETERMINED THAT YOU DO NOT - and 6 days ain't enough. (husband went through this when bio took off with the kids.)

    If your lawyers don't know anything, call the state Board of Education and request a special education advocate. If she has the evaluation done, then you shouldn't have any problems.

    Also - those friends that are all incredulous? Give contact info to the lawyer. If he's worth snot he will bring them in as character witnesses.

    CPS treated us like monsters (mostly husband) for years. Then one of the kids cracked and CPS figured out that they'd been told never to say anything bad about their mom. They still would not investigate her - but they backed off us. And then... Then, they finally started to help us get services.

    I'm disgusted on your behalf, and will pretzel and rattle beads... It's awful, I know.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I believe you. :)

    And I agree with-Step, if there is no court order, then visit her.

    You CAN get an atty in your state, through the state or city. Check online or the phone book.

    BEST of LUCK!!! I feel for you!
  12. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Principal emailed me back stating they'll get the report to me and asked me how to deliver it. I told him to email it because I didn't want to make things worse when we didn't do anything to begin with. I also asked him for an explanation of what happened that day at school when she got stressed out, if the bullying she's been talking to has been addressed, told him I found 5 weeks of homework in her room and that we had an agreement that they had to help her finish if she didn't finish by Thursday (which they stopped doing). I told him that I told him the truth when I called about her injury last week, and I needed to find out what happened at school because we didn't do this. It's in her IEP that she lies. I asked him if anybody else has witnessed her injuring herself. I have no idea how much he'll answer, but any details at all will be helpful.

    Went and saw my doctor today. She prescribed me xanax for my hysteria, and is filling out the forms for my MMJ card (she actually would rather me smoke pot and take valerian root than take the xanax!). And yeah, she told CPS we smoke, husband is stopping, I have a real need for it (PTSD, burn scars that still hurt, chronic pain, migraines, can't sleep, can't eat). It's locked in a closet, in a locked garage.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you're on the right track. One thing about email--you can keep a record of it. :)

    I don't know what your MMJ card is ... but I would rather take Xanax simply because pot doesn't always work, it isn't always grown the same way and is not always "clean," and it smells. Plus, it's illegal. You don't want a single mark against you because the govn't is already involved. Also, it's none of their biz if you are taking prescribed medications, so please, don't offer any info.
    I don't think Valerian root is enough for what you've got going on. You'd have to take so much, you'd get diarrhea, and you'd get sleepy.

    Sending hugs!!!!
  14. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    MMJ = medical marijuana. I'm in NorCal, pot is really different here. There are dispensaries all around, super clean, very legit stuff, doctor told me about a home delivery service in town she's heard great things about. They go through a questionnaire to find out what your issue is and match it up with what you need. It always works for me, it allows me to block the pain enough to do things like cook dinner and clean the house. Being in CA, it's only kinda sorta illegal. Having under an ounce without a MMJ card (which is more than enough) is the same as a traffic ticket. I can get it through the dispensaries in edible form or I can use a vaporizer so there is no smoke (as encouraged by my allergist). My lawyer said it would be better to quit, but that she has seen moms be fine when they really can show nothing else works. I have a decade of proof of that.

    And valerian root is to help me sleep. doctor doesn't want me taking more medications than I have to because of my weak stomach. It's supposed to make you sleepy, and I've never heard of anybody having bowel issues with it, I guess if you take a lot.

    Took the xanax last night and I guess it worked. Took half of .25 and I couldn't "feel" much, but wasn't crying, took the second half and watched a movie and was able to fall asleep. This morning woke up feeling the same as before I took the xanax.
  15. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    I did talk to her last night too. She's in a home with a family that has one son and there are no other kids there, which is good because she needs her own space at times. She has her own room. The lady bought her a few clothes (because the social worker wouldn't return my call for days when I wanted to provide clothing). She's bored because she doesn't have her drawing stuff, so I get to bring that to her today, she specifically asked for her Monster High fashion designer sketch pad and some fresh earrings. I knew I couldn't say anything to her about coming home, but she volunteered that she knew it would only be a short time, that they're just trying to make it better for her, and for us not to worry. She asked about her dad, said she missed us both. They did buy her "heels" she says, which I've never allowed because of her body control. They took her to church :(. husband got really mad at that (I'm Druid, husband is Wiccan, daughter seems to believe in fairies). I told him she needed to learn about it so she could be better educated in the weirdness that is Christianity.

    And she lied to me. I asked about her project that I knew was due yesterday and she flat out said it wasn't due. I told her I was pretty sure it was and that she should work on it over spring break. I doubt it'll get done at all. She didn't want me to email her teacher what she had done at home at all. She has a habit of hiding all homework from her teacher, whether it's done or not.
  16. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    So this is what daughter's Principal said, it really helped to take that boot out of my heart for the afternoon. Also, husband said the teacher said daughter walked out of the classroom without permission:

    I can give you a brief overview of what I heard about (daughter) behavior on Tuesday, March 13, although I wasn't aware of any issues myself. Apparently in Resource, (daughter) was trying to take/steal a granola bar from the snack area and (aide) asked her to return it. When she went to Read 180, she was refusing to work, was arguing with the Instructional assistant, and was eventually sent back to her class. When entering her classroom, her teacher observed her taking a pencil from another student and she refused to give it back. She went to work with a partner but called her a name which caused her partner to cry (she evidently called her weird and an idiot). She then took her partner's pencil eraser.

    At the end of the day, Mrs. D mentioned to (husband) that she had had a rough day, particularly with respecting other student's personal space, and that she had had a disagreement with the IA in Read 180. (husband) told Mrs. D that she was having difficulty at home as well, and that she wasn't listening to her parents either and wasn't helping to pack for you move.

    When the CPS arrived to question (daughter) on Thursday, we made it clear that (daughter) is frequently untruthful and that we couldn't determine how she was injured as she often does not tell the truth. I informed them about your phone conversation with me and that you had reported that she had injured herself. It is always up to CPS to make a determination as to whether or not Eris is being truthful. We are duty bound to report any incident when a student tells us that they have been injured by an adult.