Need help FAST!!!

[mstang67chic]

I am emailing my resume for a job listed in today's paper. I want to go in a slighty different direction with my cover letter as the job is for an events/marketing person for basically the parent company of a few local radio stations. This is what I've come up with. Please let me know what you think. (FYI, the ad reads as follows: Must believe in yourself, be creative, work hard and have an amazing attention to detail. Full time position with fluctuating hours. Marketing experience a plus, radio experience not required. )

In response to your ad placed in the Sunday, June 28 edition of the XXXXX, I am submitting my resume for review. What will this show you? For starters, it will give you a brief look into my job history, education and other groups or organizations I am or have been a member of. It will also show you a quick list of events and projects I have organized or assisted with. However, the years I spent in the XXXX Jaycees and XXXX County Safe Kids can not be summed up in a few lines on a piece of paper. Through my membership in these organizations and the projects I worked on, I gained a valuable set of skills that gave me the initiative and confidence to organize a benefit concert for my local drive in theater after the screen was blown down in a storm in 2005. While I had a great team of people assisting with the project, it was done on my own time and without the support of an established organization. I believe these skills would be an asset to XXXX and the radio stations it represents.



I am very excited about this opportunity and look forward to speaking with you further about my place in your team.



Criticism, advice....whatever you have....hit me! (And THANKS!!!)

 

[everywoman]

Looks good to me. Good luck, you would be a great asset to the company.

 

[klmno]

The only thing I can think of is to consider changing this sentence:

However, the years I spent in the XXXX Jaycees and XXXX County Safe Kidscan not be summed up in a few lines on a piece of paper.

to read "As you can see from my resume, I spent (many or several) years in the XXXX Jaycees and XXXX County Safe Kids and much of my experience gained would.....(benefit your company, or whatever)

I try to remember this- the cover letter is to entice them to look at the resume, the resume is to entice them to interview you, the interview is to entice them to offer you a job.

 

[flutterby]

Through my membership in these organizations and the projects I have worked on,

benefit concert for my local drive in theater after the screen was destroyed in a storm in 2005.

Paragraph break after the first sentence.

"However" is a contradictory term, as in....I really liked the show, however the props were bad. So, I would take out that word and start a new paragraph at with that sentence. If it is too bunched up, people tend to not read them.

and other groups or organizations I am currently or have previously been a member of.

I am very excited about this opportunity and look forward to discussing with you further how my skills and experience can be an asset to your organization.

 

[mstang67chic]

Thanks for the help and ideas! I made a few changes and sent it out.