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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 276999" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I had a drug addict daughter who quit. My guess is your son has been doing drugs more seriously than you think for a longer period of time (that was the case with our daughter). We thought "it's only pot and drinking." WRONG! When she got sober, she told us the whole horrific story. She started at twelve. I would, if I were you, assume he started using drugs with regularity as soon as this "ODD" suddenly popped up. That attitude change is classic for drug use. I agree with dadside that it's useless to medicate him--the illegal drugs will stop the medication from being helpful, plus it's another drug in his body that may interact badly with whatever else he is snorting or gobbling down. Until he's clean, medication will not help him.</p><p>Before you spend any money, a WIlderness Program can be a good life experience, but it is unlikely to stop his drug use once he is out. In fact, at his age, there is no way for you to stop it unless he wants to. That includes moving. Moving is a good idea IF he is motivated to quit using drugs and his peers keep dogging him about it. Otherwise, he'll just find the local druggies elsewhere. It really has to come from him.</p><p>My advice is to try to get him into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He'll be off the streets and can get long term help, as opposed to the short term help of a wilderness program. Also, a military school would throw him out for misbehaving. I wouldn't go there. They don't like being a dumping ground for problem kids.</p><p>My daughter's advice to parents doing through this always "You can't stop them if they don't want to stop." It's not what we want to hear, but it's pretty much true. </p><p>Have you ever gone to a narc-anon meeting? I would go and bring your wife. You will get a lot of good, helpful advice from those who are going through the same thing. And you'll get support and help and knowledge of programs for your son in your own area. Narc-anon was a godsend to us. We learned what we had to do--let go and let God. My daughter turned her life around after we made her leave our house, after she had had three car accidents, after she saw one of her "friiends" with track marks up and down her arms and she thought, "THat will be me if I don't stop!" </p><p>If you are giving your son any money at all, I would stop. He can get a job and earn money. Even my daughter had a part-time job, even while she used drugs. We refused to fund her habit. She got minimal clothing and healthy food from us. That's it. She even had to buy her own junk car and pay for insurance and gas. If son has a cell phone, cut it off. At least if he works, he will learn a good work ethic, which he will need if he cleans up his act. My daughter is an extremely hard worker who just bought her first home in the Chicago suburbs. </p><p>If your son thinks mommy and daddy will pay his bills he will be even less motivated to clean up his life. The more cushy you make his life, the more he will feel comfortable in his habit. It's too bad wife won't call the cops. The cops can lead to funding for some good programs. Maybe at narc-anon the people there can help change her mind.</p><p>Good luck, whatever you decide to do. I know how hard this is. I think I spent four years crying. I don't think I slept that entire time either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 276999, member: 1550"] I had a drug addict daughter who quit. My guess is your son has been doing drugs more seriously than you think for a longer period of time (that was the case with our daughter). We thought "it's only pot and drinking." WRONG! When she got sober, she told us the whole horrific story. She started at twelve. I would, if I were you, assume he started using drugs with regularity as soon as this "ODD" suddenly popped up. That attitude change is classic for drug use. I agree with dadside that it's useless to medicate him--the illegal drugs will stop the medication from being helpful, plus it's another drug in his body that may interact badly with whatever else he is snorting or gobbling down. Until he's clean, medication will not help him. Before you spend any money, a WIlderness Program can be a good life experience, but it is unlikely to stop his drug use once he is out. In fact, at his age, there is no way for you to stop it unless he wants to. That includes moving. Moving is a good idea IF he is motivated to quit using drugs and his peers keep dogging him about it. Otherwise, he'll just find the local druggies elsewhere. It really has to come from him. My advice is to try to get him into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He'll be off the streets and can get long term help, as opposed to the short term help of a wilderness program. Also, a military school would throw him out for misbehaving. I wouldn't go there. They don't like being a dumping ground for problem kids. My daughter's advice to parents doing through this always "You can't stop them if they don't want to stop." It's not what we want to hear, but it's pretty much true. Have you ever gone to a narc-anon meeting? I would go and bring your wife. You will get a lot of good, helpful advice from those who are going through the same thing. And you'll get support and help and knowledge of programs for your son in your own area. Narc-anon was a godsend to us. We learned what we had to do--let go and let God. My daughter turned her life around after we made her leave our house, after she had had three car accidents, after she saw one of her "friiends" with track marks up and down her arms and she thought, "THat will be me if I don't stop!" If you are giving your son any money at all, I would stop. He can get a job and earn money. Even my daughter had a part-time job, even while she used drugs. We refused to fund her habit. She got minimal clothing and healthy food from us. That's it. She even had to buy her own junk car and pay for insurance and gas. If son has a cell phone, cut it off. At least if he works, he will learn a good work ethic, which he will need if he cleans up his act. My daughter is an extremely hard worker who just bought her first home in the Chicago suburbs. If your son thinks mommy and daddy will pay his bills he will be even less motivated to clean up his life. The more cushy you make his life, the more he will feel comfortable in his habit. It's too bad wife won't call the cops. The cops can lead to funding for some good programs. Maybe at narc-anon the people there can help change her mind. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. I know how hard this is. I think I spent four years crying. I don't think I slept that entire time either. [/QUOTE]
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