A
At_The_Brink
Guest
Can the courts or whatever terminate a parents rights without telling you or having you sign something?
Okay, I have not gotten a call back from our attorney or the worker yet(maybe she is not returning ANY of my calls because we don't have any rights anymore???). But, I'm thinking that since WE petitioned the court for CHIPS vs. the "Bureau" petitioning the courts that we relinquished our rights(I have a friend that has been through the CHIPS process and I think I recollect her saying that the child becomes a ward of the state) which sounds like we gave up our rights!?! And thats okay, Y. I just don't like the idea of "stripping" us of our rights especially when there is no reason. The way the "bat" made it sound is that the rights were "taken" away from us.So, have the parental rights been terminated? Or was she misinformed? I guess I could assume since you took him to the ER that is not the case. Phew/whew. What a roller coaster it must be to deal with so many.
How do they remove from the home and place him a block over? UGH! Do they think this is healthy for anyone??
Seems as though you are put off a little bit by me referring to this person as a bat. Well, you might feel the same way if someone said to you "if you hate your son so much, why don't you pack up his **** and I will take him and you won't have to pay for a thing" OR he steals a bike from her son(his friend) and he's not allowed over there anymore and 2 months later she gifts him the very bike that he stole from her son OR "you need to talk to me about whats going on at your house or I am calling Social Services OR she tells you that "he doesn't feel loved"(and she is going completely off of what a 15 yo kid is telling her)........................in my opinion way overstepping her bounds and enabling his manipulation. Thats fine. I can call her J then.Devil's Advocate here. (It always helps to try to think the way the 'other people' are thinking).
I know you think she's lying but "The Bat" may either not know the true situation, or be misinformed. In fact, I think it's highly likely. She's got difficult child living with her and probably he's desperately lying to her to 'explain' the various problems and situations. The damage to the school - well, accidents happen in science class sometimes, don't they? Or maybe it was some other kid, whose parents are highly placed in a corrupt political system and so they blamed it all on poor little difficult child. Or whatever he's telling them. Maybe he admits to getting up to mischief, but he's probably saying who can blame him with the abuse he's copped from his neglectful parents over the years, who have already been repeatedly investigated by the authorities, blah blah blah.
People on this site talk about the 'honeymoon' period, where a child placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or foster care seems to be a perfect angel, and the foster parents begin to view the child's parents with increasing suspicion.
So take this likelihood, add in to it that "the Bat" is not licensed or experienced (and hence has not previously been burnt enough to know when she's being fattened for the kill by a manipulative kid) and you have someone who is likely to be critical of you to the point of being judgemental and bad-mouthing. At the same time she's trying to 'make it up to' the boy by giving him privileges and TLC.
Why didn't she take him to the doctor? Maybe, with all her faults, she's quite good at working out what is wrong and how to treat him. I must admit, even though we have a good health system here in Australia which wouldn't leave us out of pocket much, if at all, if I took a kid to the doctor, if I thought it was just a bit of colic or indigestion I would adopt a 'wait and see' attitude. And someone like that is also likely to "know better" about his medications, too, and be trying their own experiments "he doesn't really need all those nasty chemicals".
"The Bat" may have been misinformed by authorities, too. It's easy to happen. Someone picks up the wrong file or recollects a different case... And even professionals make big mistakes in who they talk to and what they say. Loose talk can do a lot of damage. Add in here what I've already mentioned - the likelihood of a difficult child pouring his own "poor me" and misinformation to the mix, and it's no wonder that "The Bat" has got the wrong end of the stick.
As for "the Bat" telling you that your rights have been terminated - if this is a conscious lie, what does she hope to gain? A few hours' distress to you is not worth making you angry and getting your attorneys riled up, not when YOU know it's not true and you will soon clarify the situation. No, if she knew your rights hadn't been terminated and really wanted to stick the knife in to you, she is more likely to have said to you, "Your rights as parents are likely to be investigated, you will have to prove yourselves as fit parents before you get him back," or something not quite so closed-door or specific.
As you said, your attorney and social worker will be hearing about it. Her defence is likely to be, "I spoke the truth, as far as I knew it. I can't help if I'm given the wrong information, I can only act on the information I'm given," and nothing more will be done. No action taken.
As for how she got him placed with her, despite not being officially licensed - she either knows someone (or vice versa) or they're really desperate. Or is she someone difficult child knows and who he requested? If she is someone they know for other reasons, it could also explain the misinformation - someone talking out of turn and getting it all wrong.
I think you would be entitled to ask for an apology for the concern it's caused you as well as the distress. I doubt you'll get one, though.
Instead, I'd be focussing for now on what difficult child needs from here, and what will be happening with him.
Marg