Need help really quick - 3rd grader suspended

LittleDudesMom

Well-Known Member
I am still of the opinion that he is not happy (for whatever reason) in that classroom and a change needs to be made. I understand from Mrs. X that the majority of the class is boys and I also know there are some strong personalities in that class that don’t mix well with his. I hope you will reconsider switching his class. This is not a good way to start the school year.

Jules, one more thing to add. Please don't take this the wrong way.

You have just approached the principal of the school and told them your son is not happy. Happiness has nothing to do with it, really. The ultimate goal for the teacher, the other students, your son, and yourself is for that classroom to be a safe place where children are able to learn. Period. If there are constant disruptions, because of behavior (or any other reason), it is taking valuable time away from the learning environment.

Rather than saying "in my opinion" which he can take or leave say something like "I am formally requesting that my son be transferred into another classroom as soon as possible. The dynamics in the room are not conducive to an ideal learning environment for any of the students given recent events. In conversations with his teacher, I understand that the mostly-boy numbers in the class may be contributing to the issues my son is experiencing. Please advise as to his new assignment or email me with your thoughts on this matter. I am available to meet with you, or any of your exceptional ed staff in regards to this matter. I look forward to hearing from you."

Do not address any other matters in the email.

Does your school have someone who is the chair of the IEP team other than the principal? Is there a director of special education at the school? Perhaps that is the person you should be in touch with...

Sharon
 

TiredSoul

Warrior Mom since 2007
Sharon,
Thanks for this - and no offense taken. I welcome all suggestions. Yes, I feel your verbiage is much more effective. Usually I write that way, but maybe my hesitation is coming thru on this. I don't know whether to push for a class change or not. I am afraid my difficult child won't be happy (do well) in the other class either and then what? They'll think 'I told you so' and I will feel bad for 'causing problems' for them.

I originally communicated with the lady who works with him at his school - she is the one who manages his IEP. She said I would need to contact the principal to change classrooms. And, no - his teacher is not supportive of him changing classes. This is her response to me making that suggestion:

Actually, I think that switching (difficult child) to Mrs. X's class is NOT a good idea. We both have the exact same numbers and pretty much the same kinds of personalities of kiddos. We will be working closely with planning and doing similar work this year. She also said he is doing a wonderful job with his class work and trying his best to do what is expected. So is this just a form of manipulation by my difficult child?
 

klmno

Active Member
Maybe you could hold off on the class change and see if he'll adjust or continue to have difficulties. In the meantime, a proper FBA by a qualified person (not just a vice principal or regular school staff) and the other suggestions by LDM might be a real good idea. You do need the paper trail. My posts were meant to help in not getting caught up in their over-dramatizing and over-reacting to things, so you can remain calm and not end up over-punishing your child. But that paper trail is really important. And another thing- don't let them pull just anyone in to do the FBA. It is supposed to be someone who understands the disability- not a disciplinarian. I made that BIG mistake and caught it in enough time to prevent the worst but that's all- my son still ended up scr**ed over it. (Sorry- I just can't think of another term right now to describe it.) I waited way too long to stop assuming the sd was always right and start advocating for my son's rights, while still holding him accountable in a reasonable way.

Getting back to your immediate concerns- one approach that did seem to help resolve things in IEP meetings was when one party- either the sd or myself- felt very strongly about a method that might help my son but the other party wasn't convinced, we would agree to try that method for 1-2 weeks and see if difficult child continued to have problems. If he did, we didn't continue with it and would try the other person's idea. This might be a way to help you in an IEP meeting- you can request one and say since they aren't comfortable changing his class right now, you are willing to try this 1-2 more weeks if they will agree that after the end of that period he is still exhibiting difficulties and disrupting others' learning and the teacher's ability to teach, then they will agree to change him to a different class. They can hardly accuse you of being unreasonable that way and unless they have a better option for making sure everyone gets educated, they don't have much choice.
 

TiredSoul

Warrior Mom since 2007
klmno,
Thanks - that is an excellent idea putting a timeline on sticking it out. Re: the FBA, at one time the school psychologist was going to do one for him, but I guess we never needed it - I don't quite remember now why we didn't do it, unless he just didn't follow thru and I didn't catch it.
 

LittleDudesMom

Well-Known Member
Jules,

guess I misinterpreted the teacher's position. I wouldn't worry about whether something works or not in the future or what the school thinks of me. This is your child here. Follow your gut with this one. It's clear now that the teacher's have actually spoken about this. That's a good thing actually. It appears they have their own concerns. Again, follow your gut. If you truly feel your son would do better in the other room, make the request again.

"the FBA, at one time the school psychologist was going to do one for him..." Here's how it should work. You request it done, you get a copy of the FBA form, you fill one out, his teacher fills one out, his "specials" teachers fill one out, the psychologist or school counselor will observe him on several different occasions and they will fill one out. Then you ALL meet together with the results. Based on the results of the FBA, the team writes a BIP (you are a partner in this process as well). This is not something just one person at the school does. Everyone, including the parent, needs to have some input.

Sharon

Sharon
 

TiredSoul

Warrior Mom since 2007
Thanks Sharon,
I guess they don't get the 'team' concept or something.

My morning started out with difficult child calling me every swear name in the book, slamming doors, and demanding things. I really don't like this!
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
Sorry I missed this, Jules. My Wee, also in 3rd grade, has already been suspended this year, too. Difference being he's been suspended repeatedly previous years, too.

Sharon's giving you some great advice. Its a long row to hoe, but may as well get it started. IT does sound like your son needs the FBA and BIP...that's your first step to gettinig things done for him.

Sending knowing hugs.
 
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