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General Parenting
Need help with ADHD stepson and my son (ages 7 and 6)
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 475629" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi, I do not have any experience blending families nor do I even have more than one child. I do have a child with serious behavior problems and I can tell you that even iwth TONS of support (good school, good home services, I think I am pretty good but I devote my WHOLE life to him-even quit my job) he is only getting bigger and when he loses control he really can hurt me. He is in the hospital right now in fact due to his behavior and medical issues. </p><p></p><p>your boyfriend's son has likey experienced permanent (though brains continue to develop till well into twenties) damage from teh drug exposure. Most commonly to the frontal lobe which helps with executive functions like behavior reguation. He is likely impulsive and not really able to think ahead for what will happen and even if he gets punished, he likely wont predict that when he just wants to do what he wants to do. With his adoptive background (mine is adopted too) he also likely has some attachment challenges....you may want to suggest further assessment for this. If you look up Reactive Attachment Disorder online you will get some information. Most sites I will warn do talk about the extreme of an UNattached child and it is a spectrum in reality, but looking can give you an idea on whether you are dealing with anything like that, maybe???</p><p></p><p>He probably needs a highly structured and highly supervised lifestyle. I am only saying that NOT because it is impossible or undoable, but to help you realize the committment you and your son will have to live with. It is not fair to yourselves, nor is it to this child to have someone join his family and not be fully prepared for what is likely a life long disability. You might be just that person! I am NOT trying to tell you not to do it. I actually LOVE my life with my son (not some of the challenges, but I would do it all over again...never would change my mind). I just want you to realize what kind of a decision this is. </p><p></p><p>There are community supports and you can hire specialists to help. All is not lost. As for the relationship part...I can't advise because I am not in your shoes. An obvious concept though is that you both have to be on the same page and be very clear about expectations for safety, limits, discipline, therapy, etc. </p><p></p><p>I admire that you are seeking advice and that says alot about you. Keep checking in, there are many who have walked your road here. Lots of very experienced folks as well as some newbies who have posted lately in very similar situations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 475629, member: 12886"] Hi, I do not have any experience blending families nor do I even have more than one child. I do have a child with serious behavior problems and I can tell you that even iwth TONS of support (good school, good home services, I think I am pretty good but I devote my WHOLE life to him-even quit my job) he is only getting bigger and when he loses control he really can hurt me. He is in the hospital right now in fact due to his behavior and medical issues. your boyfriend's son has likey experienced permanent (though brains continue to develop till well into twenties) damage from teh drug exposure. Most commonly to the frontal lobe which helps with executive functions like behavior reguation. He is likely impulsive and not really able to think ahead for what will happen and even if he gets punished, he likely wont predict that when he just wants to do what he wants to do. With his adoptive background (mine is adopted too) he also likely has some attachment challenges....you may want to suggest further assessment for this. If you look up Reactive Attachment Disorder online you will get some information. Most sites I will warn do talk about the extreme of an UNattached child and it is a spectrum in reality, but looking can give you an idea on whether you are dealing with anything like that, maybe??? He probably needs a highly structured and highly supervised lifestyle. I am only saying that NOT because it is impossible or undoable, but to help you realize the committment you and your son will have to live with. It is not fair to yourselves, nor is it to this child to have someone join his family and not be fully prepared for what is likely a life long disability. You might be just that person! I am NOT trying to tell you not to do it. I actually LOVE my life with my son (not some of the challenges, but I would do it all over again...never would change my mind). I just want you to realize what kind of a decision this is. There are community supports and you can hire specialists to help. All is not lost. As for the relationship part...I can't advise because I am not in your shoes. An obvious concept though is that you both have to be on the same page and be very clear about expectations for safety, limits, discipline, therapy, etc. I admire that you are seeking advice and that says alot about you. Keep checking in, there are many who have walked your road here. Lots of very experienced folks as well as some newbies who have posted lately in very similar situations. [/QUOTE]
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Need help with ADHD stepson and my son (ages 7 and 6)
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