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Need help with Adopted son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631888" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>As the mom of adopted kids, I always tell anyone who is adopting to adopt an infant. I made the mistake of adopting a few older kids myself and reactive attachment disorder is very hardwired into the heads of children who got no love in the early years. They do tend to do things like poop and pee in their pants, set fires, are often cruel to animals and often feel they have no reason to trust you since they never had anyone who cared for them properly as an infant as they lay cold and hungry in their bed, waiting for that nurturing. Often, too, kids from foster care or in orphanages abroad have been sexually abused. One social worker we had said in foster care the older sexual abuse rate in their children is 99%. Sometimes they do not remember it happening.</p><p></p><p>You are going to have quite a ride with your son and I'd watch him around your younger one. Rather than just taking your son to a therapist, I strongly recommend you find one who has EXTREME experience with older adoptees. And, yes, four is old. Two is old. My adopted kids who attached well were the ones who came as infants and one who came at two who had had a great foster home and never had to live with his crazed biological mother who did drugs. Two other adopted children, ages six and eleven when they came, never did attach and none was outright dangerous. medications did not help him. We had to make him leave when he sexually abused our two youngest, killed a dog and set fires. Get attachment therapy for him. Do it now before it's too late.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631888, member: 1550"] As the mom of adopted kids, I always tell anyone who is adopting to adopt an infant. I made the mistake of adopting a few older kids myself and reactive attachment disorder is very hardwired into the heads of children who got no love in the early years. They do tend to do things like poop and pee in their pants, set fires, are often cruel to animals and often feel they have no reason to trust you since they never had anyone who cared for them properly as an infant as they lay cold and hungry in their bed, waiting for that nurturing. Often, too, kids from foster care or in orphanages abroad have been sexually abused. One social worker we had said in foster care the older sexual abuse rate in their children is 99%. Sometimes they do not remember it happening. You are going to have quite a ride with your son and I'd watch him around your younger one. Rather than just taking your son to a therapist, I strongly recommend you find one who has EXTREME experience with older adoptees. And, yes, four is old. Two is old. My adopted kids who attached well were the ones who came as infants and one who came at two who had had a great foster home and never had to live with his crazed biological mother who did drugs. Two other adopted children, ages six and eleven when they came, never did attach and none was outright dangerous. medications did not help him. We had to make him leave when he sexually abused our two youngest, killed a dog and set fires. Get attachment therapy for him. Do it now before it's too late. [/QUOTE]
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