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Need help with an autistic teen
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<blockquote data-quote="MistyDW" data-source="post: 319303" data-attributes="member: 8434"><p>Adam does VERY well in school. We have him in a special needs school at the moment, but he has been doing so well they are talking about moving him to a regular school (special classes of course). So we are very proud of him in that regard. </p><p></p><p>The problem is when he comes home, he's a totally different kid. </p><p></p><p>A lot of what you've described sounds very much like Adam. He's very fond of repeating things he hears and I often find myself talking to him about interrupting conversations, etc. He does have a great deal of common sense issues. And through reading other posts, I know now that I need to be as clear as possible when providing him direction.</p><p></p><p>The issue with the grandparents is that they favor Adam over all of their other grandchildren. So much so that at Christmas, he will get an $800 gift while the others get $100 gifts (to spite my husband and I discouraging them from behaving this way). They believe that he can do no wrong and that his Autism excuses every bad behavior. Many times, my husband has attempted to correct Adam in their home and they verbally attack him in front of Adam. This has led Adam to believe that his GPs have authority over his dad & I. The GPs were also guilty of punishing Adam's sister every time Adam did something wrong. If Adam and his sister were at their Aunt's home and Adam misbehaved and was sent home, they would insist that his sister be sent home as well. Fortunately, my husband and I no longer live in the same neighborhood as his parents, but we are dealing with the residual effects of years of Adam being put on a pedestal. He believes that he can curse at us and we have no right to tell him what to do. That it's our job to walk behind him and clean up after him, do everything he expects of us, when he expects it. </p><p></p><p>I did not WANT to deprive him of the visit to the grandparents. I knew that was cruel, but his behavior tends to get much worse after visits with them and after the issues we've had with him recently, I questioned not only rewarding bad behavior by allowing him to visit them, but the repercussions.</p><p></p><p>Finally, I am keenly aware that I am a stepmom, however, my husband doesn't work and I have willingly supported him and his children for many months. I think of them as my own. Their mother is a problem case and the children often complain about not wanting to be with her. I've tried to fill the void for them. I do know that when Adam was originally diagnosed as a small child, he did go through a lot of therapy. I'm just trying to catch up so that I know how to handle him. What we're doing now isn't working.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MistyDW, post: 319303, member: 8434"] Adam does VERY well in school. We have him in a special needs school at the moment, but he has been doing so well they are talking about moving him to a regular school (special classes of course). So we are very proud of him in that regard. The problem is when he comes home, he's a totally different kid. A lot of what you've described sounds very much like Adam. He's very fond of repeating things he hears and I often find myself talking to him about interrupting conversations, etc. He does have a great deal of common sense issues. And through reading other posts, I know now that I need to be as clear as possible when providing him direction. The issue with the grandparents is that they favor Adam over all of their other grandchildren. So much so that at Christmas, he will get an $800 gift while the others get $100 gifts (to spite my husband and I discouraging them from behaving this way). They believe that he can do no wrong and that his Autism excuses every bad behavior. Many times, my husband has attempted to correct Adam in their home and they verbally attack him in front of Adam. This has led Adam to believe that his GPs have authority over his dad & I. The GPs were also guilty of punishing Adam's sister every time Adam did something wrong. If Adam and his sister were at their Aunt's home and Adam misbehaved and was sent home, they would insist that his sister be sent home as well. Fortunately, my husband and I no longer live in the same neighborhood as his parents, but we are dealing with the residual effects of years of Adam being put on a pedestal. He believes that he can curse at us and we have no right to tell him what to do. That it's our job to walk behind him and clean up after him, do everything he expects of us, when he expects it. I did not WANT to deprive him of the visit to the grandparents. I knew that was cruel, but his behavior tends to get much worse after visits with them and after the issues we've had with him recently, I questioned not only rewarding bad behavior by allowing him to visit them, but the repercussions. Finally, I am keenly aware that I am a stepmom, however, my husband doesn't work and I have willingly supported him and his children for many months. I think of them as my own. Their mother is a problem case and the children often complain about not wanting to be with her. I've tried to fill the void for them. I do know that when Adam was originally diagnosed as a small child, he did go through a lot of therapy. I'm just trying to catch up so that I know how to handle him. What we're doing now isn't working. [/QUOTE]
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