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Need help with an autistic teen
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<blockquote data-quote="MistyDW" data-source="post: 319453" data-attributes="member: 8434"><p>Thanks Marg, that's an incredibly helpful post. I do need to anticipate problems and how I will react to them and I have been sharing these with my husband. One the way home tonight in the car, Adam kept interrupting. I kept calmly reminding him that it wasn't nice to interrupt others while they are speaking and gave him the chance to speak as soon as it was appropriate; however, he did forget what he wanted to say. </p><p></p><p>You are absolutely right about getting fixated. You can be trying to teach him something and he will focus in on a few words and totally negate the entire purpose of the conversation. I keep correcting him by telling him to listen carefully to what's being said. Eventually he gets it, but it may take me heading him off and repeating myself several times.</p><p></p><p>The thing that frustrates me is his "expectation" that I am here to take care of him. He went upstairs to bed earlier, I suspected he had wet the bed previously and didn't bring down his sheets (very common problem we have). So I stopped what I was doing, went upstairs to check on him, and started to grab another set of sheets when I realized he had taken the last set and never told anyone. I did have a clean protector and one other sheet so I intended to make due. While I was making the bed, I made a comment to him learning to make his own bet (just idle chat), and he basically eluded that I was there to do his dirty work. Of course, this angered me and I immediately stopped what I was doing and informed him that he would have to do his own dirty work and I left the room. He started calling me lazy and followed me downstairs with his dirty laundry insisting that I was going to do the wash for him because it was my job. I was fuming but calmly managed to inform him that I would not be doing his wash with that attitude and he was to finish making his bed and get to sleep.</p><p></p><p>This is my frustration. Due to the whole grandparent thing, he has this sense of entitlement to not only tell others what they will and will not do, but that I am here to serve him. I've told him many times that I chose to be here with him and that I do things because I want to do them for him, not because "it's my job". What can I do?</p><p></p><p>Also, I've asked him all week to put his clothes away that I washed and folded for him. They are sprawled out all over the couch now (there was another big argument). I told him once again tonight that he needed to take his clothes upstairs before bed and put them away neatly in his drawers. I got the usual "why", and I said "we don't leave our clothes in the living room, please take them upstairs and put them away neatly in your drawers". Well, he's in bed, and they are still sprawled on the couch...I read in another post to go ahead and put them away for him and then next time he asks for something, tell him I don't have time because I was too busy putting his clothes away the day before..I don't know if that's the right way to go...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MistyDW, post: 319453, member: 8434"] Thanks Marg, that's an incredibly helpful post. I do need to anticipate problems and how I will react to them and I have been sharing these with my husband. One the way home tonight in the car, Adam kept interrupting. I kept calmly reminding him that it wasn't nice to interrupt others while they are speaking and gave him the chance to speak as soon as it was appropriate; however, he did forget what he wanted to say. You are absolutely right about getting fixated. You can be trying to teach him something and he will focus in on a few words and totally negate the entire purpose of the conversation. I keep correcting him by telling him to listen carefully to what's being said. Eventually he gets it, but it may take me heading him off and repeating myself several times. The thing that frustrates me is his "expectation" that I am here to take care of him. He went upstairs to bed earlier, I suspected he had wet the bed previously and didn't bring down his sheets (very common problem we have). So I stopped what I was doing, went upstairs to check on him, and started to grab another set of sheets when I realized he had taken the last set and never told anyone. I did have a clean protector and one other sheet so I intended to make due. While I was making the bed, I made a comment to him learning to make his own bet (just idle chat), and he basically eluded that I was there to do his dirty work. Of course, this angered me and I immediately stopped what I was doing and informed him that he would have to do his own dirty work and I left the room. He started calling me lazy and followed me downstairs with his dirty laundry insisting that I was going to do the wash for him because it was my job. I was fuming but calmly managed to inform him that I would not be doing his wash with that attitude and he was to finish making his bed and get to sleep. This is my frustration. Due to the whole grandparent thing, he has this sense of entitlement to not only tell others what they will and will not do, but that I am here to serve him. I've told him many times that I chose to be here with him and that I do things because I want to do them for him, not because "it's my job". What can I do? Also, I've asked him all week to put his clothes away that I washed and folded for him. They are sprawled out all over the couch now (there was another big argument). I told him once again tonight that he needed to take his clothes upstairs before bed and put them away neatly in his drawers. I got the usual "why", and I said "we don't leave our clothes in the living room, please take them upstairs and put them away neatly in your drawers". Well, he's in bed, and they are still sprawled on the couch...I read in another post to go ahead and put them away for him and then next time he asks for something, tell him I don't have time because I was too busy putting his clothes away the day before..I don't know if that's the right way to go... [/QUOTE]
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