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Need Help with Defiant Teen, please....
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 543974" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>Exhausted words resonate with me. We don't have the power to control teenagers or change them , all we can do set boundaries for ourselves and offer help as information , and try and maintain a good relationship. It is pretty tough for a teenager to step out of his circle of bad friends who are his major source of influence.</p><p></p><p>I recommend finding a life coach and not a therapist for your son. A coach focuses on what the kid is thinking , his goals , his views of his possible self and worksd with his thinking to help him meet his goals. What is getting in his way ? you have described what we call ' executive function deficits ' which medication does not teach but may help him be more responsive to teaching. If he can connect with an ' older brother ' or buddy-tutor ' -great. If you can help him engage in some activity that is multi-generational so he can connect with young adults or other adults. You as a family can join a ' rock climbing , hiking club , rafting etc - something that is challenging - Teens usually connect well in these situations because they focus on the issue , what the person is saying and not whether he is an adult or not.</p><p></p><p>The problem with teens is that they get ' unconditional acceptance and support ' from their friends and not from their parents. The challenge is to foster a good relationship and at the same time keeping your boundaries.</p><p></p><p>It is more about us coping than changing the teen , it is a slow process</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 543974, member: 10"] Hi, Exhausted words resonate with me. We don't have the power to control teenagers or change them , all we can do set boundaries for ourselves and offer help as information , and try and maintain a good relationship. It is pretty tough for a teenager to step out of his circle of bad friends who are his major source of influence. I recommend finding a life coach and not a therapist for your son. A coach focuses on what the kid is thinking , his goals , his views of his possible self and worksd with his thinking to help him meet his goals. What is getting in his way ? you have described what we call ' executive function deficits ' which medication does not teach but may help him be more responsive to teaching. If he can connect with an ' older brother ' or buddy-tutor ' -great. If you can help him engage in some activity that is multi-generational so he can connect with young adults or other adults. You as a family can join a ' rock climbing , hiking club , rafting etc - something that is challenging - Teens usually connect well in these situations because they focus on the issue , what the person is saying and not whether he is an adult or not. The problem with teens is that they get ' unconditional acceptance and support ' from their friends and not from their parents. The challenge is to foster a good relationship and at the same time keeping your boundaries. It is more about us coping than changing the teen , it is a slow process [/QUOTE]
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