The classroom environment is something you can't control, predict or even be sure of unless you can personally observe it. There are just too many variables.
We would get reports like this about difficult child 3, but when I talked to him and also to a easy child kid who befriended him (and who could tell me what HE saw going on) I got a very different picture, one which the teacher would never accept.
What do you think would happen if you observed him in the classroom? Would it be too much of a distraction having you there, or would it give you a chance to get your own perspective? Would the teacher accept your presence?
I was not permitted to observe difficult child 3 in the classroom at the local school but when we moved him to the highway school, the teacher actually invited parents to come in and help, so I grabbed the chance. I also got his speech therapist to observe - she had been able to observe him at the local school also, which was good. Soon after, she and all other therapists were banned at the local school.
What I observed worried me. difficult child 3 was not on topic, he couldn't settle to his work, he was extremely distracted by the cramped environment and all the other movements and noises of the other students; a classroom is a noisy, distracting place. I felt my presence was causing too much distraction for him so I told the teacher that I felt I should stop coming in. The teacher's response was, "Oh, don't let that bother you. He's no different with you here."
That was when I realised that his days at school were a waste of his time for sure, and also of all the effort and resources being poured in. He just was too distracted for any learning to be happening.
Having you there just sitting and observing is likely to be more distracting, than having you there helping students or handing out papers, pencils etc. when I was observing difficult child 3 I also tried to keep myself out of his line of sight and was fairly successful with it. But it still showed me that a mainstream classroom was too great a problem.
Home is an environment much more under his control; kids like ours are generally much more calm at home, they're more natural, less anxious. Often their behaviour can be worse in terms of shouting at you, because the DO feel safe enough to express their feelings. I would have difficult child 3 come home after a really bad day at school and the shouting would begin as soon as he walked in the door, especially if I mentioned, "homework". He'd had a day of it at school not working well and he really needed a school-free zone at home, not more of it.
If you can't observe him in the classroom, what about in the playground? If you take him to school, can you hang around for a while? Maybe 'talking' to other parents at the school gate, where you can still see how he's interacting with others?
Also, there can be other community people who regularly go onto school premises for various classes; in Australia we have optional scripture classes, taught by volunteers from local churches. I had the scripture teacher from our church come to me and express her concerns of what she observed, in terms of bullying not being dealt with. If you have such people, go to them and ask them to give you feedback on what they perceive - not in any sense of spying on the school, more in terms of independent pairs of eyes helping you build an impartial picture of your son's behaviour. Make it clear you don't want them to be generous to him or to whitewash anything; you want to get a recount of what they observe of his behaviour as well as anything happening with the other kids or other staff which could be aggravating him as well as calming him.
Something else you could try - sounds like you've got the ground work for it - is a Communication Book. This is simply a plastic-covered exercise book which travels in difficult child's schoolbag to and from school. It should NEVER be difficult child's responsibility to deliver this book to anyone or to put it in or take it out of his bag. This is too important, the teacher or the parent should do this.
The book is to be used to write anything observed, such as the teacher's very good report that she gave you. You could write back in what you told us - "funny - he's not like this at home. I wonder what the difference is?" or anything else you feel is relevant, including, "We had a very exciting weekend, he could be more tired than usual, or maybe more excited than usual."
The book removes the need for the regular classroom steps conference; it's not good if you rely on this to get the information. It might be OK for a easy child but for a difficult child you need something more structured and predictable. A teacher who observes something and thinks to herself, "I must remember to tell that child's mother if I see her tis afternoon at bell time," can be distracted then or may not see the parent that day. Or the next. Or have forgotten by then. The book makes it more reliable, because chances are, what the teacher remembers about a difficult child is important and the parent needs that info sooner rather than later (or not at all).
There are a number of possible diagnoses for your son, it will take an expert to assess - and even then you need to keep an open mind. Different medications work - either well, or badly. even for the same disorder, or for kids in the same family. We went down the risperdal route and eventually stopped it because the benefit was too minimal, for us, and the cost was too high to justify it. difficult child 1 was badly sedated and doubled his weight in six months. difficult child 3, on the other hand, seemed no different. Maybe slightly calmer; but not predictably.
difficult child 3 was older by the time we pulled him out of mainstream. The problems really began badly in Year 3, aged 8, although they had been set in place earlier. The problems were a combination of factors but unsupervised bullying was a major issue which was making difficult child 3 physically ill by late Year 4 and Year 5. If I'd had the choice, I would have pulled him out of mainstream in Year 3. But that's my son; yours is different, your son's school is different, there are many variables here.
It's early days for your risperdal; what the teacher observed may not have been due to risperdal.
See how it goes and give feedback to the doctor. If the teacher will continue to give you this level of feedback, that is helpful.
Marg
