Need help

Discussion in 'Special Ed 101' started by piolin, Jun 19, 2012.

  1. piolin

    piolin New Member

    My difficult child is 13 yrs old and in 7th grade she is high functioning autistic.... we have an IEP in place and last year when she started she was hit on the back by an 8th grader coming out of a school assembly when the 8th grade girl and her other friends began making fun of her she turned around and and hit the 8th grade girl that punched her and it turned into a fight all the kids surronded the two girls and yelled "fight fight" difficult child walked away... No school personel stopped this fight both girls were sent to the office and my difficult child was expelled for the rest of the day and the next day ....VP said it was unfortunate that there was not enough adults available to watch for these things... We agreed at IEP meeting that difficult child would be given 3min head start in between classes to avoid crowds and also for lunch lines.... I had stated that all adults that came into contact with difficult child should be made aware that difficult child shuts down and will not speak when in melt down or something like this happens... Now this year a week ago difficult child was late coming out of school so my husband called her cell phone difficult child said she was in the office to come get her my husband walked into office and the office ladies said difficult child had been sitting there for some time and did not want to talk... husband started to take difficult child home when one of the office ladies said they needed the paper difficult child was holding signed ...husband husband said he wanted to look at it and he would have difficult child bring it back the ladies said that difficult child's counslor would call my husband tomorrow to let him know what happened???/ When husband got home (2 min Drive) he asked difficult child to him the paper it was an incident report where my difficult child discribed that she was walking back from lunch and found a nickel and this one giel started heckling difficult child and telling her it was her nickel difficult child tried walking away but the girl continued to call her the B word and many other profanities then stepped infront of difficult child pulled her from the hair and once the girl had difficult child bent forward she proceeded to punch her over 20 times on the head.... again a bunch of kids saw and no adults intervened difficult child had to wiggle her way out... difficult child walked to her class she was not responding...

    husband was in a state of shock and anger when he read this he called me atwork I called the front office all I got was "No one knows what happened difficult child would not talk and all administrators and staff are in a meeting".... I drove to the school and met my husband and difficult child outside of school..

    difficult child explained that when she got to her class her teacher called her counslor (its stated on IEP counsler is the safe person for difficult child) but he was not available so another counslor was sent to get difficult child this counslor walked her to the front office and since difficult child was not responding he gave her the paper to write what happened difficult child did but he did not read it he sat her in the office and left her there... difficult child sat there until school bell rang to go home all kids left and thats when husband called her....

    We went into the office difficult child and Myself after she told me all the events that occured the office staff again said no one was available to see me and that no one knew what happened to difficult child.... The prinicpal at one point stepped out from his office to the lobby I asked if he had 2 min for me that my difficult child had just been attacked in school he responded "No I dont I have a meeting". Then he looked at his office staff and told them to get me my difficult child's counslor.... we waited
    When counsler got to me he had no clue what happened and he wanted to start by first telling me about my difficult child bringing pokemon cards to school and how they had told her before not to etc...

    Then when I gave him my difficult child's statement the one no one in school had bother to read he said he was applaeed and felt sorry my difficult child had endured that... That he had been breaking up a fight on the other side of the campus.. But that he would get to the bottom of it...

    I took difficult child to ER they found 3 knots on her head ct scan showed nothing.... Police took report... I went to the school district the next morning to report the non notification to parents and that my difficult child had sat in office for over 40 min with no medical attention and was sent home with injuries to her head... at district they were simpathetic but I havent heard from them anymore?? I took difficult child to school the next day to try and Identify the girl the VP is always so cordial and social with me but all I got this day was total silence and no cordiality at all whenI asked her how they planned to help difficult child feel secure or why they did not contact us...she said she didn't know if that was true and that this was a product of society and she could not gurantee the saftey of my difficult child she was very dismissive...

    I have IEP tomorrow I am so emotionally drained with this situation and I have a strong feeling the district and school are trying to sweep this under the rug....

    The Principal emailed me 2 days ago that they had identified the attacker and they delt with her as their policy states... but that I should know that students said that my difficult child had been seen hitting the girl on the head and that is what had started it ... but that they were not going to punish difficult child?????

    I know they will point out all of difficult child's faults in IEP meeting.... I need to know how will they provide more suitible supervison to prevent this.... difficult child has become a target and she is not going to sit and take it..... as it is she is considered the schools wierd kid:(

    I need Ideas what do you guys have in place in your IEPS that i can use to help my difficult child???

    Sorry for the long post... and Thank you
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Because she's the target of bullying and has been assaulted, insist they provide a 1:1 during ALL non-class time, even if it's to go to the bathroom. Someone where their ONLY "job" during those times is to have 100% visual on your daughter. They are giving you the cold shoulder now because you've gone outside the school and reported it to the authorities. They HAVE to watch their p's and q's very, very carefully. Personally, are you sure you want your daughter at that school. Given her history there, I would find somewhere else for her to go where she is better protected and I would even consider filing a complaint with the state Dept of Ed. If they get nasty during the IEP meeting, give them fair warning that if they "can't" or won't take measures to assure this NEVER happens again that you will have no choice but to report them. You have the police report & medication records to back it up.

    Good luck. This is soooo hard to deal with. I pulled my kids out of public school because the STAFF (principal) targeted difficult child 1. My kids' sanity and well-being were too important to me to let him continue to suffer.
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Ditto TeDo 100% What stood out to me in your post was
    What the heck kind of school is this that there are multiple fights going on at the same time? Seriously? Sounds like they have no control of the students and what little discipline they issue doesn't scare anyone so they all do whatever they want.

    Are there other placement options for her? See if you can explore those.

    ((((HUGS)))) to both you and difficult child. Middle school really is the worst place on earth.
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I agree about the aide. If you can get an advocate to go with you to this IEP it might help you to get through the meeting calmly.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ditto on the advocate.
  6. piolin

    piolin New Member

    Thank you for your quick support.... difficult child is in general population..... the school at one point had wanted toship her out to another school out of the district with kids in worst situations and it would nhave been wose for her.... I fought to keep her at this school.... I am at a loss with where to find an advocate by tomorrow??? I will definitly push for the one on one but we all know that is a far stretch:( and as far as taking it to a higher level I will do that if I have too.... The school keeps replying that they do not have the man power to have more supervision....
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    If it's in the IEP they HAVE to provide it or face federal penalties. As far as an advocate this late, I don't know. You could call the state Dept of Ed and ask for names. If you don't have enough time for that, record the meeting. Let them know you're recording it and do it. The threat of taking the issue higher up might be enough to put them in line but it might also make them push back, if they aren't already planning that already. Why did they want to ship her to another school if her only disability is High-Functioning Autism (HFA)? What kinds of behaviors were they basing that on? Definitely look into other options of YOUR choice for her to go to school. If you find one that's better suited, the school might be forced to pay for it because of the "assault".

    Good luck!
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Some of the places some of us have gone to get advocates are NAMI or the state board of education. My state also has a parenting center associated with the board of education. Sometimes if you call the district and the district sends someone the school acts different (they don't want the district to know they can't keep order). The down side of that is I've seen district personal cover for the school personal in front of parents even if they rip them apart after the meeting. If you can't find someone professional just a level headed friend would be better than no one. Also you can record the meeting or have your friend take notes. That way when you do get an advocate they can have a better idea of what the school is saying. Even if the IEP tomorrow doesn't go well you can call another one after you get an advocate. This doesn't hing on the meeting tomorrow. You can keep fighting even if they shut you out tomorrow.

    A response to not having the man power for supervision is to hire an aide.
  9. piolin

    piolin New Member

    Thank you Liahona.... I will look up NAMI....
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Of course they "don't". What school has extra staff just sitting around waiting to be assigned? No way. Schools are usually under-funded.
    But they CAN get extra staff.
    If the IEP requires it, they MUST get extra staff, if that is what it takes.

    It's harder to get it into the IEP than it is to implement.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Does the district have more than one school at her grade level? Obviously, you do not want her sent to a school with kids with behavior disorders, but what about a different regular ed school or a magnet school?

    A friend in our district had her son transferred from "north" to "east" because he was being so bullied at north. Going to east gave him a fresh start since the school was not able to get the bullying under control (and to give them credit, they did try).
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hello, I'm so sad for you and your daughter! I'm sure she has her issues, but she has a disability that requires assistance to navigate general social challenges. In addition to all of the other suggestions (and yes, I would be looking for a charter school, or just a different school that has maybe a resource autism teacher where she can go, someone who specializes in her kinds of social our district every other middle school has a program for high functioning autism, most go to gen. ed classes but come there for some level of support, if needed all day but for most just for an hour or two)....

    anyway in addition to those suggestions before me, I would consider an independent evaluation, especially if they list a bunch of "issues". Tell them you want an FBA done on each and every behavioral issue. Put the request in writing and have it delivered certified mail to the case manager and principal of the school (you can also do the sp ed coordinator if needed) but make sure it is registered mail so that you have proof they got the request. The federal mandate is that any child who is on an IEP or is suspected of having a special need, receive appropriate positive behavioral interventions/goals to help teach the skills necessary. If they want to say this is happening because of issues SHE has (rather than out and out bullying which sounds more like it) they will still then be forced to get data and come up with a plan to teach her the skills and be there to do so!

    I have worked with students who prefer to eat lunch in a small social group in a little conference room (a lunch bunch, often with volunteer "nice" kids who really do have good hearts and a few other kids with social challenges). There are many accommodations for kids who are vulnerable to bullying and by definition, your daughter WILL likely have social challenges.

    I too am worried that there is so much fighting in this school. I have worked and volunteered at all levels of school....pre through high school....and have not ONCE heard of two fights at a time, and in fact have only had a couple of fights happen while I was working and staff was there in a flash. Our district does have zero tolerance and both parties who fight are suspended, and I personally think that goes too far when kids are bullied and attacked. I believe no kid should have to lie down and take it. But IF she can walk away or go into the first available classroom with a teacher that could maybe be safer than saying she has to make it all the way to a counselors room. The counselor then could be called to escort her to her office safely.

    Often the state dept of ed will say they can do nothing, but it is still worth the report because they add up. I used the state disability law center for an advocate for my son this past year. They carry a lot of weight and go across our whole state so even if their office number is far from you, give them a call.

    Let us know how the IEP went....very interested to hear. HUGS to you and your difficult child!
  13. piolin

    piolin New Member

    In 2nd grade the school wanted tosend her to a Special Education class in another school outside of our district... I told them I wanted to first visit the school and I did... the class held children that couldn't speak and needed help with going to the bathroom and feeding.... My difficult child was not talking much due to her speech impediment and at the time she was only diagnosed ODD so the school had placed the "Emotionally disturbed" title on her.... I did not know what it meant... difficult child was refusing to do any written work and constantly got in trouble during recess and free time... I requested the 1 on 1 at this time and their response was sending her to this other school... which of course I refused and she remained in mainstream classes she has made significant leaps with speech and grades but not where she could be if she applied herself more.... I have been telling the IEp team since difficult child started middle school that difficult child was still behind socially and what could we do as parents and school to help difficult child have a good middle school experience... we set a plan in IEP and had an FBA and I have many times described what her hot buttons are and the signs she exhibits before melting down... her meltdowns consist of her shutting down not doing work or anything she is asked to do too much attention to her when melting down will cause her to go into full blown oppositional defiancy... We had agreed that her counslor be called in for support then the school psychologist and of course any of them could call me because difficult child responds great when I talk to her and calm her down.... I many times have been told by the school and psychologist that removing difficult child and taking her to a new school could be worse because she may feel it is punishment and starting all over again with getting the teachers to know her and the office staff and not to mention the student body could have a very negative effect on difficult child...
  14. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I'm glad they are "concerned" about her being moved to a different school and what it could do TO her (said with MUCH saarcasm). However, they need to know that her SAFETY is your number one concern right now and if they can't guarantee that, then she DESERVES to be somewhere that she is SAFE!!

    {{{{HUGS}}}} to you both. The school staff sound something like my mother who is very dysfunctional and at times toxic.
  15. piolin

    piolin New Member

    I just got a call from the detective in charge of the assault investigation..... I am stunned and confused... he said he finished his investigation and that he found that the girl that assaulted my difficult child is also 13yrs old and in an IEP program also??? and that after talking to 2 students they reported seeing my difficult child stepping on the nickel and refusing to give it to the other girl... then that my difficult child called the girl names and slapped the girl and thats when the other girl repeatedly hit difficult child on the head!!!! again difficult child has no friends and many times has been accused of starting something and because she is non respondent after... no one hears her side... the detective said the school did suspend the other girl.. and that I might want to consider moving my difficult child to another school.... I thanked him for his time.... I know that this will be thrown at us during the IEP today:(
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    YOU can throw that at THEM... even the detective doesn't think this school is a safe environment for your difficult child, so... THEY have to come up with a plan that changes that picture, or THEY will be funding her going to the school of YOUR choice...

    (JMO, but...)
  17. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Double Ditto!! IC is right, this reflects more on them than difficult child. THEY recommend moving difficult child to a different school.