Need ideas, please - I don't know what to do with this Kid!

[DaisyFace]

Hello all--

Well, I am frustrated and looking for some advice....

We need more income. I am trying to find a part time job...

BUT

I am having trouble trying to figure out what to do with difficult child. At age 15, she absolutely cannot be trusted at home alone - she ESPECIALLY cannot be trusted unsupervised with her little brother...not even for just an hour here and there.

I have been trying to get her to call her friends and see if she can 'hang out'...but she doesn't have that many friends in the first place...

and the few friends she does have are busy WORKING...either at regular jobs or babysitting or that type of thing.

Any suggestions?

 

[Wiped Out]

Any chance she would consider volunteering and is it something she could be good at?

 

[DaisyFace]

Any chance she would consider volunteering and is it something she could be good at?

Last summer, difficult child did do some "volunteer work" along with some other teens....and the volunteer coordinator had to cut difficult child's hours because in the afternoons the kids were just hanging around making trouble instead of actually helping.

This year, we tried to encourage difficult child to do SOMETHING. Get a job. Be a camp couselor. SOMETHING!!!

Instead, she is working on making a permanent "butt-print" on the couch and telling her little brother horrific slasher-type "scary stories". She claims she is working on a screenplay for a horror movie.

 

[klmno]

DF, I had this problem with my son and it was critical with him because he has spent all his teen years so far on probation or parole or locked up. You might be aware, it has cost me my career. If I had it to do over again, I would have sought out and pushed for him to be accepted into one of the "at-risk" programs in our community. I didn't know they existed at first, then thought this would be worse for difficult child due to the "kind of kids" he'd be around. But if your difficult child is anything like mine, expecting them to maintain stability in normal programs while I work peacefully just isn't going to happen. The only other thing I can think of is a Y program if you can get her interested in one. Volunteering is a great idea- but my son would either have to come up with the idea or there would be potential for difficult child behavior and it ending real soon.

 

[tiredmommy]

Can you work opposite of husband?

 

[Bean]

This was an issue for us, too, right about that age. I thought I was going to have to give up my job, too, during summer, because it seemed like cruel punishment to leave my sons at home with my daughter. I got so many calls at work, if it weren't for the grace of my boss I would have been out a job anyway and wouldn't have had a choice. I had to walk out of work on more than one occasion. I don't know what I'd do different if I had to do it again, though.

 

[susiestar]

I wish I had advice. Maybe find a college kid to pay to keep an eye on her? One she would think is cool?

 

[DammitJanet]

I looked up private schools in my area the other day and the one for (ok, how can I put this delicately) not so good kids was on there. Maybe do a google search.

At 15, she can go to the Y if you have one.

 

[AnnieO]

Just my $0.02 - the Y in our city will not take kids above 6th grade/age 12. When they hit 12, they age out even if they're in 6th grade...

 

[susiestar]

Many Y's have a teen camp in the summer. All of the ones in my area do, even the big city ones. It is worth asking about. Be sure to meet the leader before you commit. We had an awesome one the year Wiz went. The kids did a field trip 3 days a week and had physical activities every day. It was a really great place to have him spend the summer.

 

[JJJ]

Salvation Army runs some very low cost week long sleep away camps. I think we paid $25 for Kanga to go for the week. They are use to difficult children although the camp is not specifically targeted at them.

 

[DaisyFace]

Thanks everyone--

These are some good ideas.

As for summer camps, the Y here is for younger kids. They do offer a "counselor-in-training" program for teens who want to work at the camps, but naturally difficult child was not interested in applying to be a camp counselor.

husband's schedule is crazy. Sometimes I'd be able to work opposite his hours....but I would never be able to guarantee his availability from week to week.

Luckily, I found another solution.
I was able to contact a family friend who agreed to let difficult child stay at his house for a few hours whenever I need it.

Thank heaven!!!

Now I just need some luck finding that job!

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh....another thought....4H! They do sleepovers. And hey...if you cant get dtr away, how bout son? Next year apply very early for Seagull camp in Arapahoe NC. Best camp around. I think they have some scholarships but you have to apply early. I went to the girls part in 5th grade and have never forgotten it obviously...lol.

Seafarer friends are faithful, kind and true.
All these memories were made in Camp 2!

(we wrote that...lol)

 

[Fran]

Daisyface, getting difficult child engaged and involved is the only way to keep her from tormenting her sibling. It's cruel to the little guys.
Let easy child have a life separate and different from difficult child. Now my difficult child sees that the good things easy child did and he didn't allow him freedoms and priviledge
that he won't have.
About the screenplay.........been there done that. difficult child has been writing his story for years. He may have one paragraph actually written with my help or a counselor's help. I suggested that doing his story was great but until it's published he might want to learn a trade so he wouldn't go hungry. I reminded him, one day that Harrison Ford was a carpenter before he hit it big as Hans Solo or Indiana Jones. This way he can't blame me for crushing his creative and budding spirit. I'm just encouraging a back up. Good luck with that.

 

[DaisyFace]

Daisyface, getting difficult child engaged and involved is the only way to keep her from tormenting her sibling. It's cruel to the little guys.
Let easy child have a life separate and different from difficult child. Now my difficult child sees that the good things easy child did and he didn't allow him freedoms and priviledge
that he won't have.
About the screenplay.........been there done that. difficult child has been writing his story for years. He may have one paragraph actually written with my help or a counselor's help. I suggested that doing his story was great but until it's published he might want to learn a trade so he wouldn't go hungry. I reminded him, one day that Harrison Ford was a carpenter before he hit it big as Hans Solo or Indiana Jones. This way he can't blame me for crushing his creative and budding spirit. I'm just encouraging a back up. Good luck with that.

Fran--

I agree with you that the kids need separate lives. I just cannot believe it is so darn difficult!

As for her screenplay? It's all about how her family gets slashed to pieces...and she's really good at writing pages and pages and pages of graphic descriptions of exactly what happens to us. So I'm not encouraging that too much.