Need input on a sensitive subject

klmno

Active Member
You know, Mstang- there are times in my life when my head tells me all the reasons why I don;t need to make a certain decision (like try to raise this baby myself, or get these puppies when I am already trying to deal with being a single working mom- you know, those sorts of things), but in my heart, I KNOW what is the right decision for me. I'm not talking about the fly-by-night decisions that I made as a teenager or as a kid in my 20's, but the ones that I know are leading me down the only path I can see myself taking.

If this is how you and husband feel, then by all means, follow that. I just think you should think through the possibility that the kid could be a difficult child and would you still be as excited about this decision if it turned out that way? If I am struggling with a decision like this, I would either start looking into it and maybe what I learn would help me make a decision I was confident about- or, I would just wait a while, figuring that I do want this, I am just not ready or in a position to do it yet.

I think you have gotten some pretty good ideas- are you in a position to visit an orphanage? Can you and husband just take a vacation by yourselves this summer to discuss the things you both envision for your futures- all the things?

Just trying to help- you have my support with which ever decision you make! :)
 

pepperidge

New Member
Here's my take--I have two adopted kids (from infancy), both difficult children. I would not adopt again, even an infant. I think the risks of a difficult child are simply too great, and I can't imagine that adopting a non infant would be any easier. While I love my children, the toll they have taken on me, my husband and my marriage are enormous. Even if I could, I am not sure I would even have a bio child at this point. I just can't face anymore. And I suspect that my difficult children will be with me for a long time--no off to college etc at age 18.

I think if you are even asking the question, you probably know the answer. It is not a question of being selfish, but rather self-aware. I think there are people out there, no doubt some on this board, who are truly up to the myriad challenges of parenting a difficult child. I admire them no end. It is truly a gift. But I am not one of them.

Most of us will rise to the occasion of being the best parent we can be to our difficult children. But most of us did not go into parenting thinking that we were going to be parenting a difficult child.

I sympathize with the desire to have another child. I wonder what it would be like to parent a more easy child child. But I am burnt out at this point.

Sounds terrible what I have written, but that's where I am. Good luck to you in making this tough decision.

If you truly love children (not just your own children), perhaps there is a way to get some satisfaction without having to adopt one of your own.
 
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