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Need input on an email to husband's ex
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 192850" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Shari, I am saying this for all moms out there that have an ex that is remarried and therefore their children have a stepmom.</p><p> </p><p>My difficult children stepmom has such the wrong impression of me. I made such efforts to welcome her and make sure difficult child knew it was OK to love her stepmom. I was friendly to a fault.</p><p>I did get child support. I had a pretty good job, I struggled but did OK. I could take difficult child to a movie a couple times a month. </p><p>I never submitted one doctor bill to her father. That includes all the psychiatrist, rx, dentist, etc. They never paid for cheerleading (which some know is extremely costly) or soccer, Tball, etc. I knew they struggled, too. They expressed often how tough they had it and both worked a couple jobs (no kids). Several years go like this. I had asked difficult children dad to please notify the court of his new income as it had been 3 years since it was adjusted. He never did, so I filed with child support for a review. Shortly after that I found out they were trying to adopt child. </p><p>When it came time for court, they had a lawyer there. I was surprised they would spend the money on that. </p><p>When the judge ordered him to pay more money, I asked them to not make it effective until 2 months after I knew they were going to get their baby. I figured that would help out a bit for her to not have to go back to work so quick.</p><p> </p><p>Here is the kicker. A couple years after that I asked (in a heated moment) why stepmom do you still not see how helpful I have been and giving? Why did she think I never submitted a receipt from a doctor? </p><p> </p><p>Do you know what she said? </p><p> </p><p>"I just thought you were too unorganized to make a copy of the bill and send it to us." </p><p> </p><p>ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????? Unorganized? Where on earth did she get that idea? My house was always organized, difficult child always went with the nicest clothes, etc. </p><p>No, I did it to be nice and keep the peace for my daughter!</p><p> </p><p>Then I asked her why they bothered to get a lawyer. She said they thought I was taking them to court to say they had not paid me. WHAT??? Why would I do that? So they spent money to get a copy of every check they ever wrote to me. </p><p> </p><p>We do have civil relationship for difficult child. We work together as much as possible. </p><p> </p><p>But, I will never be a good mom in their eyes. It does not matter what I do or say. There is NO reason she should have made the conclusions she did about me. </p><p> </p><p>And by the way, I could totally see difficult child making it sound like I would not let her go anywhere even though it is her that did not want to go places. And you can believe me when I say - she is COMPLETELY different with them than me. Her babysitter once told me she could not believe what a different difficult child she saw when dad picked her up. </p><p> </p><p>I do not recall any details about this mom. She could be a bad mom for all I know. But, I also know that many times split families assume to much bad about the other side. I don't know why. </p><p>I always tell them if you thought of it, I thought of it to. Why would we be so different to have not tried the same techniques? I told them if difficult child tells you something that sounds bizzare - it is and it is probably not true. </p><p> </p><p>I know I am a bad mom in their eyes and I have to tell you...I am a great freaking mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 192850, member: 391"] Shari, I am saying this for all moms out there that have an ex that is remarried and therefore their children have a stepmom. My difficult children stepmom has such the wrong impression of me. I made such efforts to welcome her and make sure difficult child knew it was OK to love her stepmom. I was friendly to a fault. I did get child support. I had a pretty good job, I struggled but did OK. I could take difficult child to a movie a couple times a month. I never submitted one doctor bill to her father. That includes all the psychiatrist, rx, dentist, etc. They never paid for cheerleading (which some know is extremely costly) or soccer, Tball, etc. I knew they struggled, too. They expressed often how tough they had it and both worked a couple jobs (no kids). Several years go like this. I had asked difficult children dad to please notify the court of his new income as it had been 3 years since it was adjusted. He never did, so I filed with child support for a review. Shortly after that I found out they were trying to adopt child. When it came time for court, they had a lawyer there. I was surprised they would spend the money on that. When the judge ordered him to pay more money, I asked them to not make it effective until 2 months after I knew they were going to get their baby. I figured that would help out a bit for her to not have to go back to work so quick. Here is the kicker. A couple years after that I asked (in a heated moment) why stepmom do you still not see how helpful I have been and giving? Why did she think I never submitted a receipt from a doctor? Do you know what she said? "I just thought you were too unorganized to make a copy of the bill and send it to us." ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????? Unorganized? Where on earth did she get that idea? My house was always organized, difficult child always went with the nicest clothes, etc. No, I did it to be nice and keep the peace for my daughter! Then I asked her why they bothered to get a lawyer. She said they thought I was taking them to court to say they had not paid me. WHAT??? Why would I do that? So they spent money to get a copy of every check they ever wrote to me. We do have civil relationship for difficult child. We work together as much as possible. But, I will never be a good mom in their eyes. It does not matter what I do or say. There is NO reason she should have made the conclusions she did about me. And by the way, I could totally see difficult child making it sound like I would not let her go anywhere even though it is her that did not want to go places. And you can believe me when I say - she is COMPLETELY different with them than me. Her babysitter once told me she could not believe what a different difficult child she saw when dad picked her up. I do not recall any details about this mom. She could be a bad mom for all I know. But, I also know that many times split families assume to much bad about the other side. I don't know why. I always tell them if you thought of it, I thought of it to. Why would we be so different to have not tried the same techniques? I told them if difficult child tells you something that sounds bizzare - it is and it is probably not true. I know I am a bad mom in their eyes and I have to tell you...I am a great freaking mom. [/QUOTE]
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