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Need input on an email to husband's ex
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 192895" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>I appreciate your insight and experience.</p><p>***</p><p>I don't think this woman is a bad mom - that's why this is so freakin' stupid. I do think (know) that she is blinded by her anger with husband, and easy child is paying for it. Think what a great life easy child could have if her mother could see past her anger.</p><p>***</p><p>She did this with her first ex-husband and older daughter when she divorced him 15 years ago, and she's doing it again (we are friends with her ex husband and older daughter now, too). I've known her for 17 years or so, before she divorced the first ex, long before she became husband's ex, and long before husband became my husband. Me, my ex, husband, and several others were a group of friends and ran around together - when husband started dating her, the group, collectively, would decide if we were inviting husband along based on whether the group wanted to put up with her or not. My opinion of her has never changed. We would go to a nice restaraunt for dinner and she'd lay into husband and scream at him - and I mean scream - for the most random crap you ever heard. I tried to be her friend during that time - made a true effort - and she just plain doesn't know how. In fact, I have an email from her that says the only reason she didn't leave husband was because she didn't want to have to find someone new, and putting up with him was better than being alone. No crap, I still have that email. I've only met one person who cared for her, and that person grew up with her. She also stopped spending time with her when their daughters were 6 because she couldn't stop calling their dughters "stupid". The daughters are grown now, so that friend is back, but will be the first to tell you the world revolves around mom.</p><p>***</p><p>She lives in the middle of 80 acres, 50 yards from her mom (grandma), in a house grandma paid for. Grandma makes and keeps track of all of easy child's appointments and takes her to them. She gets easy child up in the morning and to school, and gets easy child off the bus at night. She picks up easy child's clothes off the floor and washes the clothes so easy child has clothes (according to grandma, mom does laundry once a month, if that, and easy child doesn't have enough clothes to go that long - where as mom does). Grandma buys easy child's clothes and school supplies. When easy child did swimming lessons, even tho mom was home, grandma took her. easy child was in soccer until husband became her ex. husband went to her soccer game. When he showed up for the next, there was no easy child. When husband asked her about it, easy child told him mom said the coach stopped calling. husband called another parent on the team, the coach and this other parent had been both been calling. husband bought easy child a new pair of name brand sneakers because her feet were hurting. She wore them home and he never saw them again. When he asked mom about them, she said easy child can't wear leather shoes because they make her feet stink, yet a month later, she had some fake leather ones from walmart... When mom and husband were still together, mom's ex bought a new camper. Three weeks later, grandma bought mom a new camper. When I bought a new truck, 6 weeks later, mom had a new truck. She doesn't even keep track of her oil changes - she'll go to her garage to get in her truck to go to work, and her dad's truck will be there and her dad will be gone in hers to get the oil changed at the dealership.</p><p>***</p><p>When I talked to her when easy child was in 3rd grade about easy child struggling in school then, she called easy child into the living room and yelled at her "if you don't get your head out of your <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />, you're going to stupid like your father." And I quote. She didn't get the IEP team back together after easy child's ADHD evaluation because she didn't want us involved (per grandma - who also went to school to try to get them to give easy child the tutoring without getting the iep team back together). When I talked to her this summer about getting easy child into tutoring, she screamed at me for 30 minutes in her living room, mostly about how badly husband treated her when they were together (what does that have to do with the fact that her daughter can't read?). I tried to invite her, her new hubby, and his kids to a picnic in the park - I was met with a very staunch "he!! no", apparently new hubby thinks its wrong to spend time with the ex'es and won't allow it. The school still offers tutoring 3 days a week before and after school. She wont' let easy child go because she doesn't want grandma to have to take her or pick her up. husband and I offered. No, she won't allow that either. easy child's step-siblings do not go to the same school but are there 2 nights a week and every other weekend. easy child has been invited to schoolmates' homes on weekends and her mom will not let her go. When you ask mom why, it is because the step-siblings are there - she has to stay home and play with them - they are her friends and she needs to be there. Likewise friends from school aren't allowed at mom's, either, cause the step-sibs are always there when easy child is. I could go on.</p><p>***</p><p>I believe what you're saying happens A LOT. I don't believe that's what's happening in this case (altho she IS better than she used to be). But I could be wrong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 192895, member: 1848"] I appreciate your insight and experience. *** I don't think this woman is a bad mom - that's why this is so freakin' stupid. I do think (know) that she is blinded by her anger with husband, and easy child is paying for it. Think what a great life easy child could have if her mother could see past her anger. *** She did this with her first ex-husband and older daughter when she divorced him 15 years ago, and she's doing it again (we are friends with her ex husband and older daughter now, too). I've known her for 17 years or so, before she divorced the first ex, long before she became husband's ex, and long before husband became my husband. Me, my ex, husband, and several others were a group of friends and ran around together - when husband started dating her, the group, collectively, would decide if we were inviting husband along based on whether the group wanted to put up with her or not. My opinion of her has never changed. We would go to a nice restaraunt for dinner and she'd lay into husband and scream at him - and I mean scream - for the most random crap you ever heard. I tried to be her friend during that time - made a true effort - and she just plain doesn't know how. In fact, I have an email from her that says the only reason she didn't leave husband was because she didn't want to have to find someone new, and putting up with him was better than being alone. No crap, I still have that email. I've only met one person who cared for her, and that person grew up with her. She also stopped spending time with her when their daughters were 6 because she couldn't stop calling their dughters "stupid". The daughters are grown now, so that friend is back, but will be the first to tell you the world revolves around mom. *** She lives in the middle of 80 acres, 50 yards from her mom (grandma), in a house grandma paid for. Grandma makes and keeps track of all of easy child's appointments and takes her to them. She gets easy child up in the morning and to school, and gets easy child off the bus at night. She picks up easy child's clothes off the floor and washes the clothes so easy child has clothes (according to grandma, mom does laundry once a month, if that, and easy child doesn't have enough clothes to go that long - where as mom does). Grandma buys easy child's clothes and school supplies. When easy child did swimming lessons, even tho mom was home, grandma took her. easy child was in soccer until husband became her ex. husband went to her soccer game. When he showed up for the next, there was no easy child. When husband asked her about it, easy child told him mom said the coach stopped calling. husband called another parent on the team, the coach and this other parent had been both been calling. husband bought easy child a new pair of name brand sneakers because her feet were hurting. She wore them home and he never saw them again. When he asked mom about them, she said easy child can't wear leather shoes because they make her feet stink, yet a month later, she had some fake leather ones from walmart... When mom and husband were still together, mom's ex bought a new camper. Three weeks later, grandma bought mom a new camper. When I bought a new truck, 6 weeks later, mom had a new truck. She doesn't even keep track of her oil changes - she'll go to her garage to get in her truck to go to work, and her dad's truck will be there and her dad will be gone in hers to get the oil changed at the dealership. *** When I talked to her when easy child was in 3rd grade about easy child struggling in school then, she called easy child into the living room and yelled at her "if you don't get your head out of your :censored2:, you're going to stupid like your father." And I quote. She didn't get the IEP team back together after easy child's ADHD evaluation because she didn't want us involved (per grandma - who also went to school to try to get them to give easy child the tutoring without getting the iep team back together). When I talked to her this summer about getting easy child into tutoring, she screamed at me for 30 minutes in her living room, mostly about how badly husband treated her when they were together (what does that have to do with the fact that her daughter can't read?). I tried to invite her, her new hubby, and his kids to a picnic in the park - I was met with a very staunch "he!! no", apparently new hubby thinks its wrong to spend time with the ex'es and won't allow it. The school still offers tutoring 3 days a week before and after school. She wont' let easy child go because she doesn't want grandma to have to take her or pick her up. husband and I offered. No, she won't allow that either. easy child's step-siblings do not go to the same school but are there 2 nights a week and every other weekend. easy child has been invited to schoolmates' homes on weekends and her mom will not let her go. When you ask mom why, it is because the step-siblings are there - she has to stay home and play with them - they are her friends and she needs to be there. Likewise friends from school aren't allowed at mom's, either, cause the step-sibs are always there when easy child is. I could go on. *** I believe what you're saying happens A LOT. I don't believe that's what's happening in this case (altho she IS better than she used to be). But I could be wrong. [/QUOTE]
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