H's mom called me. I figured it was to go over the plans the boys made for a sleepover tonight. Start out at our house, overnight at H's, than tommorrow morning to T's. We discussed the meal thing and she is fine with me cooking on Monday and the other days sending the boys home to eat. She talked about how H liked getting pop and chips over here. I told her that they do get pop (what 14 yr old is not allowed that?) but if that was a problem I can quit that as an option. They may get chips as a side to their meal but not to be snacking on the entire time. (actually, they all love the pudding and apple sauce) I told her that I was willing to work with her but I did want to be able to serve one meal. She is o.k. with this. Problem solved! Then, she said that I have to get difficult child to stop harrassing her son - making his life miserable at school - telling him that T can not go to the sleep over because T's mom will not let him play Black Ops (neither will H's mom let H play - no idea why H thought his mom would bring it out and hand it to the boys during the party but figured he could manipulate her if others were there) - suggesting that she leave her house when difficult child is there - disrespecting both H's and T's mom to H and T! She pretty much hit the roof when I told her that I do not use grounding and taking items away to punish/discipline when she told me that was the way to handle it. Just because I do not handle things the way she would, she thinks I am down playing the importance of this and that I am o.k. with difficult child doing this. I told her that I am not o.k. with difficult child behaving like this and that I will deal with it in my own way. I told her that difficult child does not need to go to the sleep over if he is in fact doing this and can stay away from H and T. Oh, no, they want to play with difficult child - they think difficult child is cool/fun but they don't know how to be his friend. (Why would she want her son to hang with difficult child if he is controlling and mean?) I talked to difficult child last night about the disrespecting and swearing and HE hit the roof. So ANGRY - says "Mom, they are the ones that swear!" "They are lying" "Now I will make their lives misearble for lying to H's mom" difficult child wanted to call H's mom up and put her straight. I told him that he was too angry to talk to anyone outside our home. I seriously think H is using difficult child to manipulate his mom. If he can get his mom's frustration focused on difficult child instead of on whatever he is pushing his mom for, then he has won. He doesn't want his mom confronting me about this (because he knows it is a lie) - his intention is not to get his mom to end it (because it is not going on) but to see him as a helpless victim that needs comforting and be given things to feel better. He can pretty much get his mom to give him anything if he says difficult child owns it. And if difficult child is allowed something than H's mom feels real pressure to allow H the same. I kept difficult child home from school today - he was so mad and did not feel he would be able to control his anger when he saw H today. I called and talked to the school counselor who agreed this would be o.k. to do. There is no school tomorrow or Tuesday. The counselor said it is usually best for parents not to get involved to which I replied that H needs to complain to someone other than his mom about difficult child because it is a he said/he said situation and I will back difficult child up unless shown proof otherwise - so will H's mom for him. I have heard H too often bullying and manipulating his mom to get her to let him have his way that I do not trust him. He has also admitted to lying to get his way. The counselor was going to check with the teachers to get more info on what they are seeing and get back to me. Hmm, he didn't call me back today - hopefully that is a good thing. (difficult child said he will find that all the teachers will agree that none of the boys use bad language. I know he will find that all these boys are great kids!). The counselor also agreed that lunch time is not supervised enough and that is were many problems arise (same with before school - too many kids in a large room and not enough supervision). However, on Tuesday, the supervision before school and at lunch time will be focused on this table to watch for stressful relations which I don't think they will find because the boys are enjoying themselves and don't get angry with each other. Apparently H is part of the give and take but using the take as blackmail to fit his needs. husband is angry that I didn't force difficult child to go to school but he was not home to help support that decision. I told the counselor that at this point it is a good thing for difficult child to recognize that backing away is a good option if he can only see backing away or punching someone in the face as his two options. He can then regroup and figure out how to address it when he is not so angry. I know difficult child will be ready on Tuesday to face these kids without violence in his mind. He so very seldom get upset these days. He is/has learned to handle his anger but this was a hard knock out of the blue. It threw him for a loop and he can not figure out why H is doing this. One guess is that H is upset that E and difficult child are such good friends and sometimes feels left out? The sleep over is still going on less difficult child. Interesting!!! A consolation to H from his mom for having to be harrassed by difficult child all day long at school? Hmmm H gets E to himself now (well T will be there but that isn't a battle). I am just glad that difficult child is peaceful tonight. He has decided to stay away from H. That if he doesn't see/talk with H then H can not make up lies about him. I was so expecting an evening of anger, bitterness, revengeful thinking - it is not there!!! I see that as a huge plus in difficult child learning how to deal with this. We will play board games in a little bit and perhaps discuss some more how to handle Tuesday!