need motivation!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by standswithcourage, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I need some help trying to find motivation for my 17 year old easy child son. He has a difficult child 24 year old brother in jail. However, my 17 year old needs to exercise or he is going to be fat. We watch what we eat but he likes to play video games with his friends and gets no exercise. I told him we are buying all of us bikes for Christmas - also we are members of a gym. I tried taking him - making him - go with me in the afternoon after school. It worked for a while but something came up and we lost the momentum. What else can I do? My daughter that is 21 and married came over today and told him to do something different with his hair and dress differently, etc., She is very pretty and always goes to the gym but my 17 year old is so very gentle and kind and a marvelous kid. I just dont know how to get him motivated in a physical way. His Dad tries to exercise at his lunch time. Any suggestions?
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    SWC-
    I would approach this carefully. Nobody is perfect but he's a good kid. And, at 17, he'll workout and become more active as he wishes to. It's probably not your place to motivate him except about graduating, staying out of trouble and getting into college.
    Just my .02. :wink:
     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I agree with TM.

    I am going to approach this carefully. I think you are a little too invested in your kids, and that was part of the problem with your older boy. Once you got too involved, look how hard it was to untangle yourself.

    Your easy child is almost grown. I am sure you are scared to death at the thought of being an empty nester. Am I right?

    If that is the case, Susan, you need to address that. It is really OKAY to feel that way, but trying to control what your son eats and how much he exercises is not the answer. Facing the facts IS the answer. He is going to grow up and move on.

    You have come so far in the short time that you have been here. But you have some more work to do. None of us here know who Susan is. We all know that you are "so-and-so's mom, and he is in jail".

    Find your identity, and nourish it, so that it can blossom.

    OK. Soapbox time over.
     
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member


    What you can do is provide healthy, nutritious food in your home. Plan family activities that involve activites. Do not harp on his weight or appearance. Tell you daughter not to put him down. It is wrong for anyone to to criticize another's personal appearance. All you do is alienate them.
     
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I think you are a little too invested in your kids, and that was part of the problem with your older boy... None of us here know who Susan is. We all know that you are "so-and-so's mom, and he is in jail". </div></div>

    I agree.

    Enjoy the calm. Don't transfer one problem (difficult child) into another to give yourself something to worry about.

    Enjoy the calm. Rediscover Susan.

    Enjoy the calm. Rediscover Susan.

    Enjoy the calm. Rediscover Susan.

    Suz
     
  6. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks to all. I will. I will not harp about anything else to my easy child. He is doing ok. I will ask my daughter not to be so critical and maybe say something positive to him. I think she intimidates him by suggesting all the ways he can change. I love him just the way he is - he is cute, great personality, etc. I will try and rediscover me. thanks! :rudolph:this is so cute!
     
  7. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi Susan~

    When my son hit 17/18 he quit playing hockey and really put on the weight. I had ONE conversation with him about the adverse health effects of being overweight. And then I shut my mouth. It was very difficult. When he went off to college he gained an additional freshman 15.

    We were intentional about modeling healthy lifestyles. I exercise moderately every day. We eat healthily most days.

    Late last summer (when he was 21) he announced that he was going to quit smoking cigarettes, and lose those extra 40/50 pounds. And ya know what - he has.

    He had to do it in his time frame and when he was ready. All my nagging would have done would have made him feel badly about himself. He knew he was carrying the extra weight. He knew that smoking was terrible for him. But, he had to be ready to make the lifestyle changes.

    If your son is gentle and kind and marvelous - enjoy him for who he is. In time (and when the right girl enters the picture) he may or may not choose to address the weight issues.
     
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    If you are concerned about his health because of his weight, then supply healthy foods and snacks in the house. Just don't make the junk food as accesible to him. Other then that I wouldn't say anything. You don't want this turning into an eating disorder.
     
  9. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Exactly! I always provide healthy foods. I have cut out buying pizza, etc and french fries. We eat mostly deer meat which is lower in fat. I am always walking for my health and love sweets so I dont buy them! I dont want to nag him either. It is kinda like my difficult child - the more I nagged him to stop smoking anything or stop using drugs the more he did it. No amount of nagging ever worked. I did email my daughter and asked her to be a little more positive with him. She used to smoke cigarettes - it was the same thing with her - the more I nagged the more she would be defiant - until her now husband showed up on the picture and he told her to stop did she stop! Thanks :lights:
     
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    :hypnosis: REDISCOVER SUSAN

    :hypnosis:REDISCOVER SUSAN

    :hypnosis:REDISCOVER SUSAN

    AND......a lot of the problems you are having with your children will go away.

    Many Hugs
    Star
     
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">However, my 17 year old needs to exercise or he is going to be fat.</div></div>

    I feel I have to point out that you don't actually know this to be so. He might not get fat if he doesn't exercise. I am 5'8", in my late 40's, don't exercise one little bit ever, and I weigh 135. I watch what I eat. Your son has a young metabolism on his side. It's best not to mess with it if he isn't having a weight problem.

    You know the old adage - "If you look for trouble, you'll be certain to find it."
     
  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

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