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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 420601" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>NO NO NO Don't do it! - would be my advice.</p><p> </p><p>Look at your list of downsides:</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And he won't start - why would he try to get a life when he's got a free ride?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Of course he will, and it will drive you nuts to have it in your face again after having had a respite from daily exposure.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yep, and the need will arise sooner or later</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now look at your upsides: </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If he wants to start using, there's no way you can "keep him away" from it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Again, you're not going to be able to prod him into anything he doesn't want to do. It'll just create constant friction and frustration for you.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>OK - but how reliable? Can you count on him being there and willing and able to help when <strong><em>you</em></strong> need it, not just when he feels like it?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Do you really think so? In my experience, <em>everything</em> is a major scramble where a difficult child is concerned.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"When he's here" - yeah, but he's not there 24X7. It's relatively easy to be non-violent, respectful and appreciative for a short while, but can he keep it up for weeks and months on end?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Like I said before<em>,</em> you can't keep him away from anything he decides he's gonna do. You want to keep him nearby in order to manage and control him, but that is just not going to work. You'll resent him for being a layabout and he'll resent being nagged to get a life.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yes, you need to maintain detachment. If he hasn't made progress on his own, he's not going to make any progress living with Mom, either. <strong>He</strong> has to do it, you can't do it for him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Have I been honest enough? LOL</p><p> </p><p>All the best, whatever you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 420601, member: 3485"] NO NO NO Don't do it! - would be my advice. Look at your list of downsides: And he won't start - why would he try to get a life when he's got a free ride? Yep. Of course he will, and it will drive you nuts to have it in your face again after having had a respite from daily exposure. Yep, and the need will arise sooner or later Now look at your upsides: If he wants to start using, there's no way you can "keep him away" from it. Again, you're not going to be able to prod him into anything he doesn't want to do. It'll just create constant friction and frustration for you. OK - but how reliable? Can you count on him being there and willing and able to help when [B][I]you[/I][/B] need it, not just when he feels like it? Do you really think so? In my experience, [I]everything[/I] is a major scramble where a difficult child is concerned. "When he's here" - yeah, but he's not there 24X7. It's relatively easy to be non-violent, respectful and appreciative for a short while, but can he keep it up for weeks and months on end? Like I said before[I],[/I] you can't keep him away from anything he decides he's gonna do. You want to keep him nearby in order to manage and control him, but that is just not going to work. You'll resent him for being a layabout and he'll resent being nagged to get a life. Yes, you need to maintain detachment. If he hasn't made progress on his own, he's not going to make any progress living with Mom, either. [B]He[/B] has to do it, you can't do it for him. Have I been honest enough? LOL All the best, whatever you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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