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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 420810" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>I love you guys. From the bottom of my heart. And I thank you for the reality check. And I'm *really* glad I came to you before I told husband about it, 'cuz his first reaction this morning was the same as mine - bring him home. Since it was only 5:30 a.m. when I told him (about the only time we get any alone time anymore), he's going to think about it a bit and we'll hide in a closet to have further discussion sometime today.</p><p></p><p>Getting him a place of his own down here would be doable, but the problem is that thank you is incapable of living alone. I suspect it has to do with- all the years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He's already walked away from 1 place, leaving behind all the household stuff we had collected for him for years. If we got a place for him, it would be a matter of weeks before he walked out or found stray kids to bring home with- him. I don't want the responsibility for either. </p><p></p><p>Nothing good will come of him returning to the city. husband and I see the course this is going to take pretty clearly. I don't think thank you does - impaired reality testing or avoidance or XYZ, who knows. </p><p></p><p>Is he capable of getting and holding a job? We think yes, in spite of the fact he hasn't yet. We really feel it's a matter of motivation and being willing to jump thru that hoop (which he's been allergic to for years). </p><p></p><p>I think part of our worry is that thank you really does seem to have a bottomless tolerance for misery. Nine years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - not miserable enough for him to change his ways. I'm fairly certain he spent much of the summer of 2009 living on the streets (heaven knows, he went hungry, a lot) - still not enough. He is completely unwilling to ask for help from anyone - never thinks he needs it, perpetually thinks he's "got it under control."</p><p></p><p>Bringing him here would ease our minds - well, for the split second until Diva goes ballistic. Would it help thank you? Yes and no. He'd be safe, fed. We could put him back on our insurance. He'd have less reason (if that's possible) to get on with the process of getting a life. Is it in his best interest? From the standpoint of keeping him alive, yes. From the standpoint of everything else, probably not.</p><p></p><p>I spent the summer of '09 literally waiting for the call to come and identify his body. I had the logistics all worked out - I'd call husband, he'd come home to stay with- Boo and pick kids up from school, and I'd head to the city. It was the worst summer of my life - and I don't know how to let go of that fear/anticipation, and I do not want to do it again (selfish). I think that is the major driving factor in me wanting him to be here, or *anywhere* other than back in the city with- his "family". </p><p></p><p>I don't think Diva knows for sure about his drug use - she just asked me Thursday morning if thank you had ever done drugs, so I think she suspects strongly - I told her that, just as she doesn't want her sibs to know she's in therapy, she has no right to the intimate details of their lives. Which of course led to much mom-bashing over conversations she overheard (my fault she overheard, according to her) between husband and me when thank you was cutting, threatening to drink household cleaners, and doing other stupid stuff... she does have some *major* issues going on, and it's all I can do to keep from giving her the benefit of my perspective. She was 2 when he left. She doesn't have a flipping clue.</p><p></p><p>husband asked me right before he left this morning what I wanted to do... and I honestly told him. I want to be one of those mothers who just mysteriously disappear. Poof, she's gone. I want to start walking south and keep on going. Become lost and anonymous and not responsible for a single darn thing on this planet. Most days lately it feels like we have managed to totally mess up all of our kids. Not a single one of them is fully functional, and we really don't know how we could have been such epic failures at parenting. </p><p></p><p>Anyway... thank you for the honest opinions and thoughts. I'll leave the door open for husband if he wants to rent a place for thank you down here, but I will be strong and not let living at home be an option.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 420810, member: 8"] I love you guys. From the bottom of my heart. And I thank you for the reality check. And I'm *really* glad I came to you before I told husband about it, 'cuz his first reaction this morning was the same as mine - bring him home. Since it was only 5:30 a.m. when I told him (about the only time we get any alone time anymore), he's going to think about it a bit and we'll hide in a closet to have further discussion sometime today. Getting him a place of his own down here would be doable, but the problem is that thank you is incapable of living alone. I suspect it has to do with- all the years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He's already walked away from 1 place, leaving behind all the household stuff we had collected for him for years. If we got a place for him, it would be a matter of weeks before he walked out or found stray kids to bring home with- him. I don't want the responsibility for either. Nothing good will come of him returning to the city. husband and I see the course this is going to take pretty clearly. I don't think thank you does - impaired reality testing or avoidance or XYZ, who knows. Is he capable of getting and holding a job? We think yes, in spite of the fact he hasn't yet. We really feel it's a matter of motivation and being willing to jump thru that hoop (which he's been allergic to for years). I think part of our worry is that thank you really does seem to have a bottomless tolerance for misery. Nine years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - not miserable enough for him to change his ways. I'm fairly certain he spent much of the summer of 2009 living on the streets (heaven knows, he went hungry, a lot) - still not enough. He is completely unwilling to ask for help from anyone - never thinks he needs it, perpetually thinks he's "got it under control." Bringing him here would ease our minds - well, for the split second until Diva goes ballistic. Would it help thank you? Yes and no. He'd be safe, fed. We could put him back on our insurance. He'd have less reason (if that's possible) to get on with the process of getting a life. Is it in his best interest? From the standpoint of keeping him alive, yes. From the standpoint of everything else, probably not. I spent the summer of '09 literally waiting for the call to come and identify his body. I had the logistics all worked out - I'd call husband, he'd come home to stay with- Boo and pick kids up from school, and I'd head to the city. It was the worst summer of my life - and I don't know how to let go of that fear/anticipation, and I do not want to do it again (selfish). I think that is the major driving factor in me wanting him to be here, or *anywhere* other than back in the city with- his "family". I don't think Diva knows for sure about his drug use - she just asked me Thursday morning if thank you had ever done drugs, so I think she suspects strongly - I told her that, just as she doesn't want her sibs to know she's in therapy, she has no right to the intimate details of their lives. Which of course led to much mom-bashing over conversations she overheard (my fault she overheard, according to her) between husband and me when thank you was cutting, threatening to drink household cleaners, and doing other stupid stuff... she does have some *major* issues going on, and it's all I can do to keep from giving her the benefit of my perspective. She was 2 when he left. She doesn't have a flipping clue. husband asked me right before he left this morning what I wanted to do... and I honestly told him. I want to be one of those mothers who just mysteriously disappear. Poof, she's gone. I want to start walking south and keep on going. Become lost and anonymous and not responsible for a single darn thing on this planet. Most days lately it feels like we have managed to totally mess up all of our kids. Not a single one of them is fully functional, and we really don't know how we could have been such epic failures at parenting. Anyway... thank you for the honest opinions and thoughts. I'll leave the door open for husband if he wants to rent a place for thank you down here, but I will be strong and not let living at home be an option. [/QUOTE]
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