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Need opinions on difficult child's using the internet
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 344995" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>klmno - I would say no, period. His friends may all have internet, but they don't have his history. (I can't help but think of my mother's standard response to this - if all my friends were jumping off bridges, would I jump off a bridge too?)</p><p></p><p>Trust is given freely the first time, but twice as hard to earn back once violated. He has a *lot* of earning to do. </p><p></p><p>Just my opinion, but internet access is a guaranteed battle if you give it to him with restrictions. Do you need the headache of monitoring him, of trying to follow his usage (especially if he gets sneaky again)? There are more important things that he needs to address right now. I know this sounds harsh, but he hasn't earned the right to be treated like an older and more responsible 15-year-old. </p><p></p><p>I would say no and put a time frame on it. Say you'll review it in X months, and clearly lay out what the expectations are in order for him to re-earn it. No theft, good grades, whatever.</p><p></p><p>klmno, it seems to me that you are bending over backwards to accommodate him. I know you want his homecoming to be successful and without question I support you in your efforts. But I think it's perfectly reasonable to set limits until he shows thru actions that he is ready for more freedoms. He threatened you because you wouldn't give him a cigarette, and somehow thought that was reasonable at the ripe old age of 14. Yes, hopefully he has matured and can make better choices, but I would be really cautious about how much trust and freedom you give him right out of the gate. As I've told my difficult child a gazillion times, "show me the money". Talk is easy, follow through is something completely different. But... that's just my opinion, hon. I'm not there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 344995, member: 8"] klmno - I would say no, period. His friends may all have internet, but they don't have his history. (I can't help but think of my mother's standard response to this - if all my friends were jumping off bridges, would I jump off a bridge too?) Trust is given freely the first time, but twice as hard to earn back once violated. He has a *lot* of earning to do. Just my opinion, but internet access is a guaranteed battle if you give it to him with restrictions. Do you need the headache of monitoring him, of trying to follow his usage (especially if he gets sneaky again)? There are more important things that he needs to address right now. I know this sounds harsh, but he hasn't earned the right to be treated like an older and more responsible 15-year-old. I would say no and put a time frame on it. Say you'll review it in X months, and clearly lay out what the expectations are in order for him to re-earn it. No theft, good grades, whatever. klmno, it seems to me that you are bending over backwards to accommodate him. I know you want his homecoming to be successful and without question I support you in your efforts. But I think it's perfectly reasonable to set limits until he shows thru actions that he is ready for more freedoms. He threatened you because you wouldn't give him a cigarette, and somehow thought that was reasonable at the ripe old age of 14. Yes, hopefully he has matured and can make better choices, but I would be really cautious about how much trust and freedom you give him right out of the gate. As I've told my difficult child a gazillion times, "show me the money". Talk is easy, follow through is something completely different. But... that's just my opinion, hon. I'm not there. [/QUOTE]
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