I spoke with husband this evening twice. He's in a great deal of pain, and I doubt he is faking it. They finally put him on 3 different things to cope with the pain and his nurse was trying to convince the doctor to increase the doses but for some reason doctor is not really open to the idea, and no he didn't bother to explain why to the nurse. I dunno why the pain is not subsiding as actually it should have by now.....or at least decreased in intensity.
Spoke to his nurse so I could sleep tonight. He's still stable. But currently they're just watching to see how he does on the medications. He'll be getting atavan tonight so hopefully he'll be able to sleep. I'm sure that's not helping matters.
He's still in the cardiac intensive care which sort of suprises me as easy child acted as if she thought he'd be moved to a room in the cardiac care unit this afternoon. Nurse says they're still watching him though.
He's grumpy and complaining and weak. I can barely hear him on the phone. That nagging feeling is still there.......but nothing I'm getting from him or the staff is like giving me a reason for it. So maybe it's my own fears. Who knows.
I'm exhausted and brain is in stress shut down mode which is not helping me a bit. Means I can't remember squat. They did get him signed up for medicaid which is good. They did that this morning.
I'll know more when we go up in the morning, as I plan to drill staff with questions. Before he comes home I want to be certain what I'm dealing with, prognosis for recover, ect ect.
Going to bed soon. Called my mom and gave her the news, and she seemed to think talking to me for two hours would make me feel better. lol I do have to say though, there are things I can talk to her openly about that I just can't with my girls, not because they wouldn't try to understand......but because they are just in very different places in their lives. Stuff mom gets because of her own experience. So I did get to talk some on that stuff which was nice. She was so lost when my step dad died......
That nagging feeling tells me I could still lose him. (like I said could be my own fear and not based in reality) And I can't help but think what on earth would I do if that happens? There are no life insurance policies. While we basically have no income.....his SS and unemployment (if they ever chose to send it again) is currently the ONLY income in this household. So income would drop to zero immediately. I have no clue what to do when a family member passes. I've never handled that part. From setting up a funeral to ......well crud the whole thing.....not a clue. The only thing I wouldn't have to worry about is the house. I made certain we had included in the insurance policy that if one of us died the house would be paid off. And had no problem paying extra for it either. But since we haven't been paid in 2 wks I don't know if husband is behind on the house payment, which includes the insurance payment, or not.......and I don't know it that would affect it. But I think we're actually paying the policy a year ahead, so it shouldn't.
Too many things to think about and none of them I want to think about. But those are things I actually
do have to think about.
Then there are the ridiculous thoughts that crop in. When a family member passes, everyone tends to gather at that person's house. Well, I'd be humiliated now if they did. And while I know husband can be a major class A PITA, and trust me living with him has never been easy, and while that gooshy mooshy blind in love with him thing died a long time back and there has been zero romance in this relationship for years...........husband is still my best friend. He's my other half. He's my back up. I'm not ready to lose him yet. I can't imagine hm not here. I put on a brave front for the girls......joking that I wouldn't have to put up with his grumpiness.....but truth is, if I lose him I'm going to fall apart.
I meant this as an update.....instead I unloaded on you all. I'm worried. And I can't stop the thoughts going a million miles an hour through my brain. Hopefully once I am there tomorrow and talk to staff in person and him again it will make me feel better.