Need prayers, positive thoughts, good wishes, etc.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Difficult Child has been out of the hospital for three weeks. He remains sober and off his substance. He started new antidepressant which is an MAO inhibitor. This is a medication of last resort as he has only had no to partial responses to the fifty thousand other antidepressants he's been on.

    His ADHD symptoms are much better. He can't take stimulants because he used to abuse them. The depression remains and he says it's really really bad this time, although he manages to slog through his day, goes to work, tries to go to the gym, goes to meetings.

    We saw him tonight and were impressed as grooming much better and he wasn't stopping every 5 minutes for a cigarette, less restless. But the antidepressant part might take another month to kick in. MD saw him last week and increased it again. So we are going to try and see him more often during this challenging time and also have his sister and his uncle try and spend some time with him as they live near him. He sees therapist twice a week and caseworker weekly. He was going to intensive out patient every day but stopped because he developed insomnia and couldn't get out of bed. So your collective thoughts, prayers, that this new stuff will finally begin to lift the depression would be much appreciated.

    As for myself. I think I'm finally starting to not be as much affected by his moods anymore. I think I'm starting to become used to all this. It's like I'm becoming numb to it. Has anyone had a similar experience? Maybe I'm finally practicing Radical Acceptance?
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    IAD, there are so many positives in what you wrote. The fact that he is doing all of these things is a huge step forward. I know it isn't all "pretty and perfect" but he is making big progress. Progress not perfection.

    It sounds like you are taking it all very well and with a good equilibrium. That is a huge step for you and and for anyone as I believe that often, when things change, even for the better, we get a little more invested.

    I am praying his progress and your progress continue. Keeping your expectations close to the basement will be good for you and for him. Keep reading and studying about Radical Acceptance and working that as much as you can. It is a great prescription for all of life.

    Warm hugs today. Keep us posted. I am so glad he is doing better.
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  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Daze, I have not had this kind of experience but I know how it feels to be exasperated and tired. I pray for peace for you and yours.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes success is measured in millimeters.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding my prayers and good wishes for you and your son.

    IAD, think acceptance comes to us a little at a time.........we accept what is, and we gain peace of mind. When we rail against what is, when we argue with reality, that's when we suffer. Acceptance is a positive, good, healthy place to land, we have no power over the circumstances of our lives, but we have power over how we respond to them. That was my experience as well. Good job IAD.
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  6. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Yes. It's important to take it as it comes.

    For this moment, this is where I am. Although I still think I'm just immune now to his complaints of being depressed, etc.
  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    You've got my prayers.

    One of the hardest things to do is to find a medication that works and can be tolerated. It's a delicate, time consuming process.

    How good it is that you are seeing some positives. These small changes can lead to bigger ones.

    This sounds like acceptance to me. I know when I reached the point with my son where, like you said "I felt numb". It took some time to realize that it wasn't so much that I was numb but rather my emotions were no longer driving me, I was driving them. Acceptance is key to getting to this point.

    You are doing really well.

    Keep us posted and let us know how he's doing with the new medications.

    ((HUGS)) to you...................
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  8. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    I also see many positives in your update.

    It is good your soon has so many family members to check in on him often. That made me feel better, just reading that.

    I like progress, not perfection. That may be a helpful reminder for your son? I don't know, just wondering if that is an okay thing to remind our Difficult Child's. It must get very tiresome for him---trying to get better but the depression monster does not go away.

    What RA said about acceptance vs. railing says a lot for us parents/caregivers, no matter the particular specifics of each case.

    Stay close with us.
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  9. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the validation, Tanya. It seems like I'm jaded after years of listening to him complaining about all his issues. But maybe it is acceptance. Whatever it is, it feels better.
  10. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Prayers for your son going up, Daze.

    When I have been in times that things were overwhelming, parts of me would go numb. I would believe myself to be handling things so well, and then, when things were actually resolving, I would crash into anxiety or depression or anger. It took a long time for me to connect everything, because time would elapse between the event and my reaction. For me, the only answer was a daily ritual of self care. Something as simple as reading a page from Simple Abundance at bedtime or first thing in the morning. Just some small thing we can do to keep our attention on our own emotional state, too.

    Even when the reaction comes, if I can connect the why of it, I come through it better.

    Maya Angelou is helpful to me in this way, too. Unspeakable pain ~ I mean living through things that we cannot find words to describe ~ those emotions just sit there. It is best for us to intentionally nurture ourselves through these times. To resolve to do that for ourselves, I mean.

    Another thing I found helpful was: "Cup your hands. Grasp the vine. And drink." So, we do that in the shower, cupping our hands beneath the flow of the water and drinking some of it. A silence is created. We are safe, in the warm water.

    That practice could change everything, for me.

    I would realize the depth of my exhaustion.

    And I would come back together a little bit, and not be so numb.

    Holding you in my prayers too, Daze.

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  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks all of you.

    Saw him today. He met me at work and we went for Chinese food.

    Last week depression 10/10, this week 7/10.

    He got a haircut. Grooming 100% better. Looked handsome, even.
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  12. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Yes, I think he's making progress, though it's at a snail's pace unfortunately.
  13. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I love it that he looked handsome.


  14. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    My prayers are with you also...