Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need some advice. 3YO non verbal son...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390722" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You're probably not going to be very successful at preventing him doing things. You do better by rewarding him for NOT doing things. And he is young, it will take time for him to get the connection. As far as possible, keep instructions positive and not negative. This isn't just to keep things in a positive mood; it's because it is also far easier for him to understand. So if he is hitting or kicking, remove either him, or what he is hitting or kicking. Don't waste your energy punishing him; the message is actually removing what he is kicking. </p><p>Example on the instruction - instead of saying, "Stop kicking Johnny," try "put Johnny down and come here." </p><p>If you have something he likes doing, having it available as an immediate reward is good. Also, you can use tokens to build up rewards (and never remove tokens once earned; if he behaves badly, he simply doesn't earn tokens). Useful tokens are those little plastic roulette chips or similar, posted in a jar with slot cut in the lid. Often there is no need to exchange tokens for a reward, because for autistic kids, the tokens ARE the reward. </p><p>difficult child 3 loves things that roll along a rollercoaster kind of race; he loves coin-sorting money boxes (I can give you the plans to make a cheap and easy one if you like); his SpEd used to give him a reward of a plastic 'crystal', the sort of stuff you buy in bulk bags to decorate the bottom of the fish tank. Around our house we have jars of roulette tokens; of plastic crystals; of cut glass crystals; we have a lava lamp; a plasma ball; a sand sculpture paperweight; lots of what difficult child 3 calls "bubble spirals" (oil and water in different colours, droplets falling through liquid). If we ever find a really well-made snow globe, difficult child 3 will be in hog heaven. He used to love blowing bubbles and when he was too young to blow bubbles himself, we bought a large bubble wand that just needs to be waved through the air (from a bucket of mostly water with a squirt of detergent in it). We also collected, from various family weddings, bottles of bubble mix that get handed out instead of confetti these days. We just refill them with detergent. We used to send one to school in difficult child 3's pocket; having bubbles to blow meant he wasn't throwing stones (because he liked to watch stones fall, but teachers didn't like any kid on the playground throwing stones).</p><p></p><p>Where we can, we allowed the boys to indulge their Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behaviours. As long as it harms nobody else. I don't consider it indulgence, I consider this a necessity. It actually helped reduce anxiety and increased our chances of getting something useful out of them. I used the word 'indulge' because other people observing your parenting, will be critical. We had to learn to have faith in our own parenting and to be strong enough to say, "I know it looks weird to you, but this is working for us and that is what matters here."</p><p></p><p>Your son is young. That can make a huge difference, if you get on board now and support him. You don't have to do it all - your child is himself doing his utmost to help himself, but he is only a little kid and is not very good at it. As you show him, and as he realises that you are primarily trying to help him learn how to adapt, he will increasingly follow your lead. We work hard to help our kids, but the ones who work the hardest in this, are often the kids themselves.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390722, member: 1991"] You're probably not going to be very successful at preventing him doing things. You do better by rewarding him for NOT doing things. And he is young, it will take time for him to get the connection. As far as possible, keep instructions positive and not negative. This isn't just to keep things in a positive mood; it's because it is also far easier for him to understand. So if he is hitting or kicking, remove either him, or what he is hitting or kicking. Don't waste your energy punishing him; the message is actually removing what he is kicking. Example on the instruction - instead of saying, "Stop kicking Johnny," try "put Johnny down and come here." If you have something he likes doing, having it available as an immediate reward is good. Also, you can use tokens to build up rewards (and never remove tokens once earned; if he behaves badly, he simply doesn't earn tokens). Useful tokens are those little plastic roulette chips or similar, posted in a jar with slot cut in the lid. Often there is no need to exchange tokens for a reward, because for autistic kids, the tokens ARE the reward. difficult child 3 loves things that roll along a rollercoaster kind of race; he loves coin-sorting money boxes (I can give you the plans to make a cheap and easy one if you like); his SpEd used to give him a reward of a plastic 'crystal', the sort of stuff you buy in bulk bags to decorate the bottom of the fish tank. Around our house we have jars of roulette tokens; of plastic crystals; of cut glass crystals; we have a lava lamp; a plasma ball; a sand sculpture paperweight; lots of what difficult child 3 calls "bubble spirals" (oil and water in different colours, droplets falling through liquid). If we ever find a really well-made snow globe, difficult child 3 will be in hog heaven. He used to love blowing bubbles and when he was too young to blow bubbles himself, we bought a large bubble wand that just needs to be waved through the air (from a bucket of mostly water with a squirt of detergent in it). We also collected, from various family weddings, bottles of bubble mix that get handed out instead of confetti these days. We just refill them with detergent. We used to send one to school in difficult child 3's pocket; having bubbles to blow meant he wasn't throwing stones (because he liked to watch stones fall, but teachers didn't like any kid on the playground throwing stones). Where we can, we allowed the boys to indulge their Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behaviours. As long as it harms nobody else. I don't consider it indulgence, I consider this a necessity. It actually helped reduce anxiety and increased our chances of getting something useful out of them. I used the word 'indulge' because other people observing your parenting, will be critical. We had to learn to have faith in our own parenting and to be strong enough to say, "I know it looks weird to you, but this is working for us and that is what matters here." Your son is young. That can make a huge difference, if you get on board now and support him. You don't have to do it all - your child is himself doing his utmost to help himself, but he is only a little kid and is not very good at it. As you show him, and as he realises that you are primarily trying to help him learn how to adapt, he will increasingly follow your lead. We work hard to help our kids, but the ones who work the hardest in this, are often the kids themselves. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need some advice. 3YO non verbal son...
Top