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Need some advice on continued coping with enablers.
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<blockquote data-quote="Bean" data-source="post: 376899" data-attributes="member: 8620"><p>Thank you guys for taking the time to respond to my post, and for chewing on it and giving me your feedback. I do appreciate it.</p><p></p><p>Susiestar, yeah. I know. Sigh. I really do. Thank you. I don't really know how to articulate, but yeah. My intent started out very well months ago, doing well to be a good wall and shelter for the other kids. Somehow I've let that wall down, hoping for a happy medium. But there really isn't one. Not today. And I have to put the wall back up, and move on. It isn't easy, but I see that. I think I feel a lot of guilt, sentimental and maybe some fear right now. As much as things change, they still remain the same with my daughter. But maybe me dropping the saftey net from underneath her bum is one of the things she needs to get better - or whatever. Heck, maybe it is what<strong> I </strong>need to get better.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing a counselor regularly now, for the first time. It is helping. Especially to let me know <strong>that this is NOT normal</strong>, that we've done a LOT to be supportive of her in healthy ways, and that I need to reconcile that with myself. Quit beating myself up about it. We can extend a hand, but it is up to her to take it. I'm really working on it. Accepting the things I can not change. The more I work to break the codependency, the harder it tugs at me. </p><p></p><p>Star, I'm sorry hon. Maybe my wording made the whole bucket-o-poo thing sound different than it was. My mom was saying that it was what my dad does, and I was telling <em>her</em> that it seemed like she was doing the same thing.</p><p></p><p>Coincidentally, my mom decided they really need a break from my daughter. And they held strong today when she called them for a ride. I was proud of them. And I see that they are wearing thin, too, and are learning on their own. All of us have put more time and thought into Daughter Bean lately than we should be, allowing it to all but consume us.</p><p></p><p>Today I threw my daughter's desk out. It is full of graffiti... gang names and such. We put it on the curb. I still love her, deeply. Always will. But putting the desk on the curb was a step, albeit a small one, in the direction that I need to start walking.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and blessings to you all. Thanks again for your words.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bean, post: 376899, member: 8620"] Thank you guys for taking the time to respond to my post, and for chewing on it and giving me your feedback. I do appreciate it. Susiestar, yeah. I know. Sigh. I really do. Thank you. I don't really know how to articulate, but yeah. My intent started out very well months ago, doing well to be a good wall and shelter for the other kids. Somehow I've let that wall down, hoping for a happy medium. But there really isn't one. Not today. And I have to put the wall back up, and move on. It isn't easy, but I see that. I think I feel a lot of guilt, sentimental and maybe some fear right now. As much as things change, they still remain the same with my daughter. But maybe me dropping the saftey net from underneath her bum is one of the things she needs to get better - or whatever. Heck, maybe it is what[B] I [/B]need to get better. I am seeing a counselor regularly now, for the first time. It is helping. Especially to let me know [B]that this is NOT normal[/B], that we've done a LOT to be supportive of her in healthy ways, and that I need to reconcile that with myself. Quit beating myself up about it. We can extend a hand, but it is up to her to take it. I'm really working on it. Accepting the things I can not change. The more I work to break the codependency, the harder it tugs at me. Star, I'm sorry hon. Maybe my wording made the whole bucket-o-poo thing sound different than it was. My mom was saying that it was what my dad does, and I was telling [I]her[/I] that it seemed like she was doing the same thing. Coincidentally, my mom decided they really need a break from my daughter. And they held strong today when she called them for a ride. I was proud of them. And I see that they are wearing thin, too, and are learning on their own. All of us have put more time and thought into Daughter Bean lately than we should be, allowing it to all but consume us. Today I threw my daughter's desk out. It is full of graffiti... gang names and such. We put it on the curb. I still love her, deeply. Always will. But putting the desk on the curb was a step, albeit a small one, in the direction that I need to start walking. Hugs and blessings to you all. Thanks again for your words. [/QUOTE]
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Need some advice on continued coping with enablers.
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