Need some advice

[JKF]

difficult child #2 is back to his "old" self. He was doing really well for a while but again lately he's been rude and disrespectful to teachers and students at school, doesn't bring home homework, doesn't complete assignments, doesn't do his daily chores at home etc. He's not a malicious child and doesn't do these things on purpose but he still does them. My husband and I find that the ONLY thing that works with him is punishing him and having him work to earn back privileges. Last week he got grounded because he didn't do an assignment that he had a MONTH to do. He waited until the very last second. His excuse was that he'd rather watch tv and play video games. So therefore television and games are gone until he shows that he's responsible with homework and earns them back. He hasn't been doing chores at home so therefore he has to go up to his room everyday after he does his homework. He can read but that's it. Yesterday I asked him several times to sort his laundry but he "forgot". Today he "forgot" to bring home his math homework for the third time in a week.

So here's my dilemma. Tonight at school is "The Showcase of Excellence". It's a display of certain pieces of work from all students in the district from kindergarten to 12th grade. He has one piece on display and really wants to go but since he didn't do his chores yesterday and forgot homework again today on top of everything from last week I don't want to bring him. We are serious about him earning privileges and feel that he won't learn if we give in and take him wherever he wants to go, even if it's a school function. I really am torn though. Should I bring him to see his work and then leave or should I hold my ground and be firm with his punishment. I don't feel like we are overly strict but the only way he "gets it" is when we are extra firm with him and leave no room for discussion. What would you do???

 

[DaisyFace]

Hmmm....

Tough one.

To me - a priviledge is something extra and "fun"....but school and academics is something that we always support. To me - this falls in the "Academics" category and not the "Priviledge" category (eg an Ice Cream Social would be a Priviledge). IF my child did NOT have something on display - we would NOT go. However, since your difficult child does have something displayed (and therefore *earned* the reward of being worthy of recognition) - I would go and support his hard work on that piece. After all - you are trying to inspire him to do better in school...

 

[JKF]

Hmmm....

Tough one.

To me - a priviledge is something extra and "fun"....but school and academics is something that we always support. To me - this falls in the "Academics" category and not the "Priviledge" category (eg an Ice Cream Social would be a Priviledge). IF my child did NOT have something on display - we would NOT go. However, since your difficult child does have something displayed (and therefore *earned* the reward of being worthy of recognition) - I would go and support his hard work on that piece. After all - you are trying to inspire him to do better in school...

That's what I'm leaning towards. We really are big on school and doing well academically. I don't want to discourage him but I also don't want him to think he can get away with his current behavior. The function is from 7 to 9 so I think I'll take him for about a half hour so we can see *his* piece of work displayed and then come back home. No socializing with friends, etc.

 

[buddy]

Our difficult child's have so few moments to shine, I think I'd go too....But I'd stick with the other conditions you have set.

 

[keista]

Hmmmmmmmmmm I'm thinking that YOU and/or husband should go and see his academic achievement. (take turns if you can't leave him home alone) It is, after all, a school honor, and you want to show difficult child 2 that you are 100% supportive of anything and everything that has to do with school HOWEVER, I see absolutely no reason for him to go. It's his piece of work. He knows what it looks like. There is no reason to give him a "reprieve from his cell" if he's done absolutely nothing to earn the privilege of leaving the house.

Now, if you can use this to get him to do some chores this afternoon, in essence earning the privilege to go, then why not?