Need some courage

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mtdenise, Feb 17, 2016.

  1. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    I haven't posted in a long time. Things are NOT going well. I don't want to get into it all now but I think I need to go to an Al-Anon meeting but am scared and uncertain. I'm not a very outgoing, talkative person and pretty much keep to myself. I need some courage to get my butt out the door and to that meeting. Help!
  2. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Well? What are you waiting for??? Get your butt out the door and get to that meeting!!
  3. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Oh, wait!!! Get dressed first! LOL!

    Seriously, I hope you get yourself under control. We all understand how hard it can be at times to maintain distance and perspective from the drama our Difficult Child's try to draw us into.
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  4. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    OK, LOL! Thanks for the smile. Meeting is at noon and I'm really trying to get there. I need support to get me through what my son has been doing to our lives.
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  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I think you will love it. You won't need to talk but it is nice being in company that understands what we go through...go - you won't regret it. And if you find that group is not your cup of tea, there are many more out there to try! :)
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Al anon does not require that you speak. Listening is powerful. It cant hurt to try.
  7. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    I cant speak for AlAnon personally but I do know that there is something powerful in just listening to others talking about similar issues. And who knows, you might find the courage to lift up your proverbial skirt and then tell your own story.

    Sorry, the lifting your skirt thing was from a Pirate Mom post from quite a while ago. Don't remember exactly which one.
  8. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh I had forgotten that thread. Hilarious!

    Mtdenise - Big hugs and encouragement to go to Alanon. I also can't speak to them but I do know that in most groups, there's no need to speak up. Jabber's right; just listening to others can be so helpful and even cathartic. I hope you made it!
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  10. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I totally agree with SWOT!

    One of the best things about these meetings is there is no pressure for you to share. Just sit and listen. If you are asked to share it's perfectly okay to say "I'm just not ready"

    ((HUGS)) to you...............
  11. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Lioness of Brittany


    This is you MtDenise, getting ready for your Alanon meeting. Your sword, is the sword of truth and that truth is that you have great value and you matter. You are a lioness, championing for yourself and the right to live, go batten the hatches, and set out on your black ship with the crimson sails, because you have a bright future, beyond this stormy sea......

    Busting out my sword with you
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  12. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Make sure you pull up your big girl panties before lifting the skirt!!

  13. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for getting me to smile! :)

    I sat in the parking lot for a good 10 minutes deciding if I wanted to go in. I finally decided I had to do it. I'm not a religious person at all so some of the God stuff and higher power stuff was strange to me, but the people's stories were helpful. I surprised myself and actually spoke about some of the problems I was having and a couple women came up to me at the end and said they were in my shoes for a few months and another for many, many years. I felt an instant bond with these woman and I do plan on going back to see if it helps. One of them gave me a handout on detachment. I've been working on that for over a year now, and just when I think I have it mastered my son manages to break that down.

    As a little update, my son violated his probation by moving to another state without telling his PO. He still had come back to check in every month but when it was found out he was living elsewhere he had a warrant out for his arrest. He did come back and turn himself in and was put in jail. Here's where I may have made a big mistake. I bailed him out. I felt that his crime (not telling them where he was living) didn't fit the punishment (jail until his hearing) as he was still checking in. Anyway, I actually took him back home. Needless to say, I could tell he was taking something again. Well, last Wednesday he calls from the ER saying he passed out in the bathroom at work. We get to the hospital and it was obvious he was on something although he insisted he didn't eat or drink anything all day long and that is why he passed out. I actually recorded his behavior. Slurred speech, bobbing head trying to stay awake, red eyes, itching, etc.

    The ER docs couldn't tell us anything as my son is an adult. I feel the medical profession here must drop the ball all the time because of stupid privacy laws. They basically sobered him up and sent him on his way.

    When he got home, we told my son we wanted to see his lab results to which he consented.

    We finally got the toxicology results from the ER yesterday. They showed 3 things in his system...basically uppers, downers, and pain medications. Last night I showed him the results and the video. He seemed disturbed by the video and swore he wanted to get help and go to meetings. Today he wakes up in a mood and heads to work without saying much, so I'm not sure if he's serious about changing. That's why I decided to find a meeting.

    His court date is March 18. I figured I'd let him live here until then to make sure he goes to court, but after that I'm not sure what to do. I feel like all the progress I made in detaching over the last year has gone out the window and I'm back at square one. I just feel defeated and hopeless.
  14. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    First of all Lioness MtDenise, congrats for getting to the meeting and finding fellow warriors there.
    There is no damn book on all of this.
    Square one?
    Uh uh.
    You are doing human right now, we are only human.
    Who knows what will click with our kids?
    We are all just trying to do this, the best we can, just like when we raised our kids.
    It is not you, sister.
    It is not your fault, any of this.
    We are all learning, and there is a curve, a really, really big one.
    There is always, always, always hope.
    I will tell you this, the beautiful thing about life is that every second, every minute, every day, we get to rethink things, learn, grow, fall, get up.
    You have value and you matter.
    Every breathe you take is meant to be.
    Stop judging yourself so harshly, for having everlasting love and hope for your child.
    We are all trying our best in the craziest,
    most difficult,
    heart wrenching,
    mind boggling circumstances ever.
    Each step you take, has a reason.

    Carry on Lioness, you will be okay, not defeated, not hopeless, but okay.
    The past, a lesson, the present a gift, the future unknown.
    Tomorrow is another day,

  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I am really glad you made it to an alanon meeting. I have been going to a great alanon meeting for the last 5 years and it has been a huge huge help to me. As far as the God stuff..... It states a higher power however you understand it and I think there is a huge variety of what people see as their higher power. For me it is the community I find there.... Not a personal God. I really think the idea is that this is all out of our control
  16. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    Yes, I think I need to keep reminding myself about this. Thank you again everyone for your input. I think I'll go back to the Saturday meeting.

    On a positive note, my son came to me yesterday and asked me to drive him to an NA meeting. He actually looked up the info himself. Teeny tiny baby step, but I'll take it.
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  17. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I think that's excellent! Perhaps actually seeing himself on that video opened his eyes to what he's doing to himself and everyone else.
  18. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    I hope so. I'm sure like all other people the "It won't happen to me" mentality was there. I asked him when I was driving him to the meeting if he knew what my greatest fear was. He said, "For me to die." Bingo! He was also very moved by the fact that I sought out a meeting. I think that hit home with him how this is all affecting me. I know he has a long way to go but I'm hoping this is the beginning of a real change. Time will tell.