Need some good luck for Mon afternoon

[TerryJ2]

Hi,
the Catholic school read the paperwork and application I dropped off. They want to test difficult child. I said fine. We set a date and time: Mon. at 2:30.
I haven't told him yet.
Yesterday, he walked by the ph while I was listening to msgs, and heard that they had called (they just left their name and #).
He asked if we were going to place him there next yr. I said we were considering it and keeping all our options open.
He said he didn't want to go.
I told him that given his grades and the note from his teacher, he may not have a choice.
He said, "I hate you."
Sigh.

 

[Jena]

Hi

I"m sorry to hear his reaction, yet you know in your gut your doing what's best at the end of the day. Your good like that.

I hope it goes ok that day, and he doesn't fight you too much. it's such a hard thinig when you have to do something for them that you know should be done and they attack you for it.

((((hugs)))

 

[crazymama30]

Oh I can so sympathize. We have put in an application in at a charter middle school for difficult child for next year. It looks great. He hates the idea. He said that if he goes (they pick students via a lottery system) he will beat the other kids up and get kicked out, he will not make any friends (not because he cannot make them but because he won't want to) I have not gotten the "I hate you" but he has been in tears, screaming at us, scribbled all over the application, and we are mean.

I told my difficult child that parents have to make hard decisions. I really do not know what else to say to him.

Hugs, and do what you think is best. I just go to my happy place when difficult child starts up.

 

[Nomad]

Terry...
This is my thought...apply there and apply everywhere.
However, if and when you go to this school...keep your eyes open.
Trust your gut.
I worked at a Catholic School once. It was a wonderful school. The academics were sound. Most of the teachers were lovely people. However, the principal was one of the strictest I've ever seen. Any student who was consistently out of line was expelled. Period. I've heard this type of thing before. This principal simply didin't want special needs students in the school. She barely would tolerate Learning Disability (LD) or ADD. Barely. Anything beyond the most mild of concerns...out and out fast. A word of advice...it's ask around time.
Hang in there.

 

[DDD]

Like Nomad I think exploring all options is a great idea. Private schools can be terrific but I don't believe you have IEP protections etc. like you do in the public school system. You can get a bad apple in any school but in church
schools the parents often don't have any power to change teachers or their
behaviors. Fingers crossed that you get the best outcome. DDD

 

[timer lady]

Terry, wishing all the luck in the world. I have some of the same concerns as the others expressed ~ IEP rights & such.

In all reality, I've had to let academics take a back seat for the tweedles while working on the mental/emotional illnesses. I knew that once kt & wm were more stable their grades would improve. Neither of my children are heading off to college ~ just not in the picture. However, we are working toward community vocational programs that will help transition them to the working world with a vocation that should help kt & wm make a living.

Please explore all the options; make sure your difficult children educational rights are protected.

 

[Janna]

Ahh, the "I hate you" gonnamakeyoufeelbadcuzitssomethingidontwannado ploy. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh - never had *that* one HERE!

I'm sorry. been there done that. My fingers are crossed that you get him in there! He'll be ok

 

[smallworld]

Terry, I'm with the others. Have you explored your public school options? If you have your difficult child evaluated for an IEP and he qualifies, different placements that meet his needs better than a Catholic school might open up to you.

My own son was in a small progressive private school that we thought would meet his needs. And for a couple of years, he did OK. But when the academic demands increased and his mood issues intensified in 9th grade, he couldn't keep up with the work and the school wouldn't accommodate his needs. He was asked to leave last spirng at the end of 9th grade. He qualified for an IEP over the summer and was placed in a self-contained program for socially and emotionally fragile high schoolers.

 

[Fran]

Terry, it always helped if I put a positive spin on things. Let difficult child know the positives of this school and why you think it would be a good fit. Tell difficult child this gives him a chance for a fresh start if he can do well on the tests. I stay away from ever making changes look like punishment or something I'm doing to him. It should be something that you are doing with him to improve the quality of his life.

Having said that, I haven't had good luck with private schools of any sort. They have the right to kick you out. Sorry, what I meant was asked to not return. difficult child didn't get a great education from either venue but he had more options in public and they didn't kick him out. Fortunately on pure information difficult child knows more than most hs graduates because of his thirst for knowledge but the basics are lost. Math, grammar, spelling, basic sciences would have to be retaught. It's unfortunate but that's what he got from his swiss cheese learning style.

 

[ML]

You will make the right choice, Terry. Research your options and go the direction that resonates in your gut. I agree with whoever said to point out the positives, perhaps even writing them down. It's hard for our kids to make any kind of change, even good ones so despite how great it might be, there will be a period of resistance. Stay strong and remember we moms still have to subscribe to the "words can never hurt me" phrase if we want to survive.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all. I will keep this all in mind.

When I spoke with-the resource dir over the ph to express my concerns, she said "We have a LOT of kids with-ADHD, and there are more every day." She said it as though it were a growing issue, and I'm sure it is. So I suspect difficult child will not stand out as much as he would in a diff environment.

Right now he is in a private school that is highly accelerated. Very college prep. He is struggling, but amazingly, he CAN make A's when he wants to. It's just too rigorous for him. And cliquey. And it does sound like this Catholic school has a better sports program.

I wrote a note on the application that said the teachers at his current school are not aware that we are applying, so please do not call yet.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, and in regard to an IEP, he does not have one now and doesn't need one.(So far, IOW, we've been pleased with-the teacher accommodations.) The teachers are very good about working with-kids 1-on-1, especially since they all have a parent aide in ea class, and all the parents are very involved with-the kids. We are a great team. Now, if the after-school issues had gotten out of control, and that one teacher I had written about had not gotten excited about Asperger's (to the point where she actually went to a local conference!) I could have had a serious problem.

I think part of it is luck, part of it is training and qualifications, part is the role the parent plays, part of it is how much effort the child is willing to put forth and getting him motivated, and part is the teamwork.

I will have to be very involved no matter where he goes.

Also, in short, our public schools are crummy. We may have to make it work some day, but we are putting it off as long as we can. There's one I like, right next to difficult child's current school, but we're not zoned for it.

 

[totoro]

Well I wish you luck on Monday!
I understand about the IEP.
K has not had one yet. She is academically great, so far. We just set up a 504 for next year, I guess it starts this month.
We are all for this because she her issues are really starting to show up in School.
I love our public school so far.
I would not hesitate though to find another or go private if we could afford it at this point.

One thing at a time... somedays I feel so overwhelmed and I just have to fix everything! I then remember I have time...
The IEP or 504 can wait. Homework can wait for us... I try to just enjoy K at times.

It seems to be so far and few some days. You know?
Always something.
Good luck

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you.

One of the reasons I like this school is because it is a feeder school for its companion HS, and I don't want to keep changing schools. I'm looking for something where difficult child can go straight through.

I should have mentioned that earlier.

 

[bran155]

Good luck. If you feel a poke in your back on Monday, it's just me sending you some luck!

Let us know how it goes.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you!

Well, you all, I did an online search and found another private school nearby. It goes from K-12, which is what I was looking for. I've driven by millions of times and it never crossed my mind to check into it. I printed out the info and will talk to husband and easy child about it tomorrow.
(They come home tonight. Yay!)

 

[Nomad]

By far the best educational experience our difficult child got was complicated and NOT likely a good choice for you or for most here.
I had her in a great public school PT. She went to school PT and I homeschooled her in the afternoon. She was in advanced classes in the morning and I picked her up around 10:30. I did classes with- her that I liked and was good at. I hired a tutor to help her with- her morning classes. She learned so much, it was scarey. Honest to G-d, it was like I had accidentally solved the difficult child dilemma...if you get my drift. She got the socialization part in the morning, good academics and continued learning in the afternoon. However, I was EXHAUSTED. I was getting sicker and sicker. My life was on hold. It was really awful.

I tried putting her back in public school full time after two years...NOPE....didn't work out.

We tried a private Christian School...it didn't work out.

Then, we ended up with a small Special Education school. That worked out fairly well. However, difficult child did not get NEARLY the quality education she should have gotten. Surely it affected her self esteem at times. However, there was less stress overall on her and our family and she walked away with a high school diploma.

I think the right public school would be okay. The right private school..perhaps better. I certainly wouldn't have mind saving the money though. Each area is probably unique. It requires much exploration. NOT an easy task. I don't envy you!

If I had to do it again...I think I would re think that partial (PT) public school and homeschooling with a TON of help. OR I would do the private school/Special Education from the beginning and then I would hire tutors at home on our own to teach difficult child math and reading intensively. It wouldn't be easy...but I would do my best to keep her motivated. I think if she were doing this from the beginning...it would seem natural. And I would make it the tutors responsibility to have her keep up to grade level (or as close as possible).

by the way, during HS I tried to hire her a tutor to help her catch up. Her HS learning at the Special Education school was almost a joke. She needed to do extra work on her own...but wouldn't do it. Unfortunately, she was an older teen by then and developed an attitude. She didn't want to do any extra work. She just coasted.

She went to community college...couldn't keep up..dropped out. difficult child wasn't open to remedial classes. We've tried various things since then with variable/little success...all frustrating.

The only little bright light is that she has a high school diploma. Many of her friends with- difficult child tendencies were not able to do this successfully.

It's been a long ride. Sigh.

 

[TerryJ2]

Exhausting. You deserve an award.
That split-day effort was surely worth it for her education, but not in regard to your health. It would not work for us. My difficult child is very defiant toward me in general. Something about outside figures that works with-him ...

 

[Wiped Out]

Terry,
Wishing you luck on Monday. My difficult child didn't like the idea that he wouldn't be going to the same middle school as his other school friends. We chose his this year due to lots of reasons, one being it is the smallest of the middle schools in our district. He couldn't be happier now. We just kept telling positives about this school, how we hoped he would really like it. After the first day he was sold! It has been, by far, the best decision we have made about his schooling.

I'll be rooting for you on Monday. Sorry you are dealing with the old, "I hate you" response.

 

[TerryJ2]

That's wonderful, Sharon!

I've got my fingers crossed for tomorrow. difficult child has been staying up late and sleeping late and it's my fault. Tomorrow is going to be hard. I am not looking forward to it.