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Need Some Help for My Friend's Son with Aspergers ........
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 362445" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We found that difficult child 3 didn't really begin to make good academic progress until we had him at home. At first he was home for what at the time seemed a series of physical health problems but which alter turned out to be extreme anxiety. He was actually throwing a fever with anxiety. Now he is in a correspondence school which has been marvellous for him. It is increasingly a struggle academically, but the school is doing its best for him. We are currently going in to the school once a week for face to face lessons on a one-to-one basis. The biggest argument that was fielded against us removing difficult child 3 from mainstream was, "What about socialisation? He NEEDS social contact!"</p><p></p><p></p><p>In actual fact, we realised that he does NOT need the sort of social interaction he was getting in mainstream. It is artificial - when else in a person's life is he going to have to be part of a group of children with a single adult in a position of authority? Now, we've found that with difficult child 3 learning at home, he has better access to a wider range of humanity. Just going shopping with him exposes difficult child 3 to the people we meet in the stores; the customers, the shopkeepers, children and adults of all ages, sizes, shapes and abilities. That is life; that is humanity. That is appropriate and relevant socialisation. </p><p></p><p>We found that exposing difficult child 3 to the negative stuff in the classroom was actively teaching him inappropriate social skills. He was learning bad habits, undermining anything positive we could teach him. it's all very well to have a school rule that says, "respect others; do not hit others," but when difficult child 3 actually observed that rule was not applied fairly, he interpreted it as "respect others except for difficult child 3. Feel free to beat him up verbally and physically, you will not be punished for it but instead he will be the one blamed because of course it is right to attack the weird kid."</p><p></p><p>These wrong rules can take a long time to unlearn. When difficult child 3 was attacked about three years ago, he believed he had provoked the attack by speaking to the other kids as they ran up to him excitedly saying, Let's get him."</p><p>What did difficult child 3 say that was so provocative, that he blamed himself for? He had said, "Leave me alone."</p><p></p><p>It may be possible to find the right placement. It certainly should be possible, morally. But in reality - life doesn't work that easily.</p><p></p><p>So be prepared for the likelihood that the best placement, at least for a while to help him catch up and find his own feet academically, and also to have some breathing space - is to learn at home.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 362445, member: 1991"] We found that difficult child 3 didn't really begin to make good academic progress until we had him at home. At first he was home for what at the time seemed a series of physical health problems but which alter turned out to be extreme anxiety. He was actually throwing a fever with anxiety. Now he is in a correspondence school which has been marvellous for him. It is increasingly a struggle academically, but the school is doing its best for him. We are currently going in to the school once a week for face to face lessons on a one-to-one basis. The biggest argument that was fielded against us removing difficult child 3 from mainstream was, "What about socialisation? He NEEDS social contact!" In actual fact, we realised that he does NOT need the sort of social interaction he was getting in mainstream. It is artificial - when else in a person's life is he going to have to be part of a group of children with a single adult in a position of authority? Now, we've found that with difficult child 3 learning at home, he has better access to a wider range of humanity. Just going shopping with him exposes difficult child 3 to the people we meet in the stores; the customers, the shopkeepers, children and adults of all ages, sizes, shapes and abilities. That is life; that is humanity. That is appropriate and relevant socialisation. We found that exposing difficult child 3 to the negative stuff in the classroom was actively teaching him inappropriate social skills. He was learning bad habits, undermining anything positive we could teach him. it's all very well to have a school rule that says, "respect others; do not hit others," but when difficult child 3 actually observed that rule was not applied fairly, he interpreted it as "respect others except for difficult child 3. Feel free to beat him up verbally and physically, you will not be punished for it but instead he will be the one blamed because of course it is right to attack the weird kid." These wrong rules can take a long time to unlearn. When difficult child 3 was attacked about three years ago, he believed he had provoked the attack by speaking to the other kids as they ran up to him excitedly saying, Let's get him." What did difficult child 3 say that was so provocative, that he blamed himself for? He had said, "Leave me alone." It may be possible to find the right placement. It certainly should be possible, morally. But in reality - life doesn't work that easily. So be prepared for the likelihood that the best placement, at least for a while to help him catch up and find his own feet academically, and also to have some breathing space - is to learn at home. Marg [/QUOTE]
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