Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need Some Help for My Friend's Son with Aspergers ........
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 363412" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A problem with home-schooling then, will be whether the various authorities etc will accept a child's achievements. Even here, with accountability and checks, it can be difficult for a homeschooled child to have their level of education recognised.</p><p></p><p>DIL2 was home-schooled. He has a certificate stating he has equivalence to our Higher School Certificate. This certificate is supposed to open the same doors; his homeschooling was overseen by Dept of Ed to ensure it complied. But he has found that a lot of places have not accepted his qualifications.</p><p></p><p>The thing is - for some kids, it really is the only way they will ever learn anything. You can then slide them back into the education system as and when they can cope (hey, even if you have to wait until they're 40!)</p><p></p><p>MWM, don't lose heart for your child's chances. I hear you on the "good at book learning in some areas, lousy at social skills, frightened of their own shadow" hassles. We went through this with difficult child 1. Also his best friend, who is even more withdrawn and has problems with people. Thing is - you aim for the sort of career path where they won't have to deal with members of the public en masse. Forget about being used car salesmen. But for difficult child 3, for example, who is very geeky and brilliant with computers, he will make an ideal troubleshooter in the computing industry. He's lousy at drawing so he wouldn't make a very good animator, but some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids who are also good at drawing and computers can get into animation or special effects.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 originally wanted to be a zookeeper, but found it was too difficult to manage the study. He3 should have been able to do it, I was very angry that the system got in the way. But he decided to change direction and tried to get an apprenticeship. it took him another five years before he had an apprenticeship, he now is in his first year (at age 26!) of a cabinetmaking apprenticeship.</p><p></p><p>We believed we would always have our boys living with us. difficult child 1 had the occasional girlfriend, but socially he was hard work and finally the girls realised it and moved on. But daughter in law seems to 'get' him - when we met her mother, we understood why. Mind you, we have to constantly coach him on how to be a good husband, how to NOT be the child in the relationship.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is already thinking of his romantic future - last night at the Chinese restaurant, he opened up his fortune cookie. "You will soon meet someone who will be influential in your life." He looked at me and said, "So I will soon meet the right girl? Or am I being too hasty?"</p><p></p><p>We pointed out, "You're only just 16, you have plenty of time yet."</p><p></p><p>husband & I were talking about this on the drive home just now - we also worry about how difficult it is becoming for difficult child 3 to get his schoolwork done. But we went through the same struggles with difficult child 1. It took longer, but he did matriculate from high school. We just had to allow the extra time. And in the meantime, work towards the qualifications he was likely to need. </p><p></p><p>Socially - they do continue to mature and learn to overcome their fears. Using a disability employment service is great, they can help with liaison with an employer. I also have stayed involved and helped out here too. An employer who understands the needs of someone with Asperger's is also someone more likely to understand the benefits of employing an Aspie. That is what you look for.</p><p></p><p>The first jobs could be very simple, boring tasks. Almost sheltered workshop stuff. But we all have to start somewhere, the first lesson to learn is the work ethic. The Aspie employee gets the idea of what they like and what they don't like. </p><p></p><p>The biggest problem we faced, once we got our Aspie into the workforce, was their misplaced sense of loyalty. Employers can take really bad advantage of them because these kids will show loyalty other people to a greater extent than is often deserved. difficult child 1's first job - they asked him to to things he simply wasn't qualified for or capable of, then when he made mistakes, they sacked him. His next job - they didn't gibe him pay slips. And the government paperwork he had to fill in, required those pay slips. As a result, difficult child 1 began to have serious problems with government officials. Then his boss retrenched him (GFC). They had been promising him an apprenticeship, they originally were teaching him various tasks, but once they found something he was brilliant at that other people hated doing (because it's risky and boring) they left him on that job and stopped teaching him. He also refused to look for other apprenticeships, because to look around was disloyal, as he saw it.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, over time difficult child 1 has learned that you can be loyal to an employer while you're there on the job, but that is where the loyalty stops. You have yourself to be loyal to also, as well as your family. There is also legislation in place as well as various organisations, whose job it is to make sure you are not being exploited.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 1 was 20, he was still finishing high school (three years after other students). He was barely ready. Then we enrolled him in a Saturday morning college course in the city. I had to go with him (and his Aspie friend) to help them through the enrolment process and make sure that the disability staff at the college were on board helping the boys. Together they supported each other, getting to and from the college (a daunting task initially). They would finish their class then begin to explore the city, ranging further each week and gaining confidence. Together they felt stronger and more confident. I never would have thought either of them would ever manage the things they did together. And now can do alone.</p><p></p><p>It takes time, but they can find their niche. There is one, there is always a niche for a bright kid who has abilities in a particular area. It's just a matter of finding the niche and helping your child to have the confidence to give it a go, with support in place at least initially.</p><p></p><p>At difficult child 3's drama class we see other parents worrying over what will become of their children when they have to get a job. A Downs girl of almost 17 is being transitioned to work, although her mother doesn't think she is ready for it. She just had her Work Experience week cleaning tables in the food area of a local mall. She did well, but the mother knows that if things go bad, her girl will simply run. Anywhere. Not looking. Even onto a road. There are a lot of hurdles for this girl, before she can get a job. But services are there to help.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 just did his Work Experience, at the school in the computers section. It showed that it is the choice for his future. But he won't be able to run his own business. He needs to work for someone, with a boss telling him what he needs to do, and keeping him on task.</p><p></p><p>You find what your child is interested in, what he loves, and make sure he has access to it. You then find something related to it and lead him there as well. Keep his hobbies open, then try to find a job linked to his hobbies.</p><p></p><p>There is generally a lot more hope than you realise.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 363412, member: 1991"] A problem with home-schooling then, will be whether the various authorities etc will accept a child's achievements. Even here, with accountability and checks, it can be difficult for a homeschooled child to have their level of education recognised. DIL2 was home-schooled. He has a certificate stating he has equivalence to our Higher School Certificate. This certificate is supposed to open the same doors; his homeschooling was overseen by Dept of Ed to ensure it complied. But he has found that a lot of places have not accepted his qualifications. The thing is - for some kids, it really is the only way they will ever learn anything. You can then slide them back into the education system as and when they can cope (hey, even if you have to wait until they're 40!) MWM, don't lose heart for your child's chances. I hear you on the "good at book learning in some areas, lousy at social skills, frightened of their own shadow" hassles. We went through this with difficult child 1. Also his best friend, who is even more withdrawn and has problems with people. Thing is - you aim for the sort of career path where they won't have to deal with members of the public en masse. Forget about being used car salesmen. But for difficult child 3, for example, who is very geeky and brilliant with computers, he will make an ideal troubleshooter in the computing industry. He's lousy at drawing so he wouldn't make a very good animator, but some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids who are also good at drawing and computers can get into animation or special effects. difficult child 1 originally wanted to be a zookeeper, but found it was too difficult to manage the study. He3 should have been able to do it, I was very angry that the system got in the way. But he decided to change direction and tried to get an apprenticeship. it took him another five years before he had an apprenticeship, he now is in his first year (at age 26!) of a cabinetmaking apprenticeship. We believed we would always have our boys living with us. difficult child 1 had the occasional girlfriend, but socially he was hard work and finally the girls realised it and moved on. But daughter in law seems to 'get' him - when we met her mother, we understood why. Mind you, we have to constantly coach him on how to be a good husband, how to NOT be the child in the relationship. difficult child 3 is already thinking of his romantic future - last night at the Chinese restaurant, he opened up his fortune cookie. "You will soon meet someone who will be influential in your life." He looked at me and said, "So I will soon meet the right girl? Or am I being too hasty?" We pointed out, "You're only just 16, you have plenty of time yet." husband & I were talking about this on the drive home just now - we also worry about how difficult it is becoming for difficult child 3 to get his schoolwork done. But we went through the same struggles with difficult child 1. It took longer, but he did matriculate from high school. We just had to allow the extra time. And in the meantime, work towards the qualifications he was likely to need. Socially - they do continue to mature and learn to overcome their fears. Using a disability employment service is great, they can help with liaison with an employer. I also have stayed involved and helped out here too. An employer who understands the needs of someone with Asperger's is also someone more likely to understand the benefits of employing an Aspie. That is what you look for. The first jobs could be very simple, boring tasks. Almost sheltered workshop stuff. But we all have to start somewhere, the first lesson to learn is the work ethic. The Aspie employee gets the idea of what they like and what they don't like. The biggest problem we faced, once we got our Aspie into the workforce, was their misplaced sense of loyalty. Employers can take really bad advantage of them because these kids will show loyalty other people to a greater extent than is often deserved. difficult child 1's first job - they asked him to to things he simply wasn't qualified for or capable of, then when he made mistakes, they sacked him. His next job - they didn't gibe him pay slips. And the government paperwork he had to fill in, required those pay slips. As a result, difficult child 1 began to have serious problems with government officials. Then his boss retrenched him (GFC). They had been promising him an apprenticeship, they originally were teaching him various tasks, but once they found something he was brilliant at that other people hated doing (because it's risky and boring) they left him on that job and stopped teaching him. He also refused to look for other apprenticeships, because to look around was disloyal, as he saw it. The thing is, over time difficult child 1 has learned that you can be loyal to an employer while you're there on the job, but that is where the loyalty stops. You have yourself to be loyal to also, as well as your family. There is also legislation in place as well as various organisations, whose job it is to make sure you are not being exploited. When difficult child 1 was 20, he was still finishing high school (three years after other students). He was barely ready. Then we enrolled him in a Saturday morning college course in the city. I had to go with him (and his Aspie friend) to help them through the enrolment process and make sure that the disability staff at the college were on board helping the boys. Together they supported each other, getting to and from the college (a daunting task initially). They would finish their class then begin to explore the city, ranging further each week and gaining confidence. Together they felt stronger and more confident. I never would have thought either of them would ever manage the things they did together. And now can do alone. It takes time, but they can find their niche. There is one, there is always a niche for a bright kid who has abilities in a particular area. It's just a matter of finding the niche and helping your child to have the confidence to give it a go, with support in place at least initially. At difficult child 3's drama class we see other parents worrying over what will become of their children when they have to get a job. A Downs girl of almost 17 is being transitioned to work, although her mother doesn't think she is ready for it. She just had her Work Experience week cleaning tables in the food area of a local mall. She did well, but the mother knows that if things go bad, her girl will simply run. Anywhere. Not looking. Even onto a road. There are a lot of hurdles for this girl, before she can get a job. But services are there to help. difficult child 3 just did his Work Experience, at the school in the computers section. It showed that it is the choice for his future. But he won't be able to run his own business. He needs to work for someone, with a boss telling him what he needs to do, and keeping him on task. You find what your child is interested in, what he loves, and make sure he has access to it. You then find something related to it and lead him there as well. Keep his hobbies open, then try to find a job linked to his hobbies. There is generally a lot more hope than you realise. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need Some Help for My Friend's Son with Aspergers ........
Top