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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 166128" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Detachment does not mean you dont love them - I understand that so much - but it does mean you cannot live your life through them anymore - you cant change them only yourself and when you are powerless over changing something the only person you can change is yourself. Right now I am at that point again! I am powerless over everything to do with my difficult child - I am powerless over worrying about him -</p><p></p><p>Stands,</p><p>if I am reading this right it sounds like you think detaching is something you do for awhile while things are bad and then you don't have to do it anymore. Detaching is something you need to do forever--it is a healthy way to live, not just a one time thing. Also, it doesn't seem like you get that you are not powerless over everything to do with your difficult child. You are powerless over his actions but not your own! You certainly do have power over worrying about him--that is the essence of detachment! You come to the point where you realize you are powerless to change him and what he does and with that comes a sense of relief--you don't have to try to control him and make him do the right thing. You are relieved of that responsibility. And that relief brings with it less worry. Sure, you still worry at times but mostly you get on with your own life instead of trying to live theirs.</p><p></p><p>I think you are able to talk the talk Stands but I think you don't really "get it" yet. You haven't had that "aha" moment. I hope it will come for you soon!</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 166128, member: 3208"] Detachment does not mean you dont love them - I understand that so much - but it does mean you cannot live your life through them anymore - you cant change them only yourself and when you are powerless over changing something the only person you can change is yourself. Right now I am at that point again! I am powerless over everything to do with my difficult child - I am powerless over worrying about him - Stands, if I am reading this right it sounds like you think detaching is something you do for awhile while things are bad and then you don't have to do it anymore. Detaching is something you need to do forever--it is a healthy way to live, not just a one time thing. Also, it doesn't seem like you get that you are not powerless over everything to do with your difficult child. You are powerless over his actions but not your own! You certainly do have power over worrying about him--that is the essence of detachment! You come to the point where you realize you are powerless to change him and what he does and with that comes a sense of relief--you don't have to try to control him and make him do the right thing. You are relieved of that responsibility. And that relief brings with it less worry. Sure, you still worry at times but mostly you get on with your own life instead of trying to live theirs. I think you are able to talk the talk Stands but I think you don't really "get it" yet. You haven't had that "aha" moment. I hope it will come for you soon! Hugs, Jane [/QUOTE]
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