Need some sort of routine....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Jan 26, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    The last couple of months have been a bit stressful. You know, little things like job loss, tweedle issues, family deaths, illness, etc, etc, etc.....

    While the stress is nothing new in the tweedle household, this seems to be different.

    I'm not going back to work - taking some courses in medical transcription. kt transitioning back home next month & wm testing out at an emotional level of 2 years of age have forced the situation. They need a parent who can be here full time.

    In the meantime, I cannot figure out a daily routine. Admittedly, I've been playing catch up & trying to recover from this respiratory crud, but I'm feeling really lost.

    I don't know what to do next. I keep thinking that something needs to be happening; I'm used to being so much on the go - it's not unlike when kt when into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last summer yet somehow different.

    There's a void (some of it missing mom). I can't motivate myself plus I'm kind of lost.

    Any ideas on how to get back into a routine. Maybe it's too soon to force much of a routine on myself.

    I feel so lost. :confused:
     
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Linda}} It's so hard to get back into the swing of things after so many unsettling events.

    Although I'm sure others may come up with some better ways of getting back on track - I've always relied on a list or several lists. Starting small, for instance, with simple everyday household tasks. Gradually adding a couple of things every few days, perhaps eliminating others until you find what works for you.

    A while back when I was going through a period of depression, I made a generic list for the usual daily tasks and posted them on the cabinet in the kitchen. I always tried to put down at least one positive affirmation at the bottom of the list - something inspirational, even if it was a simple, "you can do this!".

    In the bathroom, I even made a list of personal hygeine - now I know that sounds stupid, but I truly had a hard time moving from getting out of bed to brushing my teeth and it helped to force myself to wash up and put on some makeup. I found that if I felt better about my presentation, I felt better over all.

    Eventually I found my way back to normal, for me. I know it seems too simplistic, but I am a habitual list maker, they work for me. Gentle Hugs - I hope you find you way back.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    The best thing for me when I get off track is to make sure I get up and go to bed at the same time each day. In addition, I keep a schedule in my head so I don't get too out of whack. It helps a lot.
     
  4. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I have that happen a LOT......
    I use the tansition times of year to um....try to get back from whence we have strayed often. Like Um.....Jan back to school, I use it to get firm again on whatever we have gotten lax with. I use back after spriing break the same way, but YIKES now I am homeschooling!
    Yes, our lifes little crisises "derailed" us, thats what I call it. "derailed" First was marriage and adjusting , then husband got ill so soon after and then the babies and then my career change and on and on till me being bedriddden and then all the travel for days out of town for son. I am SO derailed right now it is not even funny. SO much so I do not know where to start.
    I sit here at dinnertime and go OMG I do not know WHAT we are having.
    Um..this is NOT me. Not. Even. Close.
    I could not have worked 2 full time jobs if I were this scattery and off track.

    So------I now write a menu for dinners.
    I set alarm clocks for waking and yes, to remind me to begin bedtime routine.
    I make lists.
    Altho my 2 kids no longer have to be on a set schedule, and neither do me and husband.....when you do not have to be on a schdule you tend to waste enormous amounts of time, and while Inever was a procrastinator, it is even to do so when you have time. SO- now I got rigid about setting specific days for chores-----Monday is laundry. Friday is shopping. First day of month I pay the months bills. Strip beds sunday so bedding is ready to go to laundrymat on Monda. Clean fridge on Thurs so fridge is ready for new groceries for Fri. etc etc etc.
    Then I combine things like OK gas station is next door to laundrymat, so gas up car while by laundrymat.
    I do still have one child in school so I set a regular dinnertime....in between when she gets home from school and when she leaves for work. SO now we have a set dinnertime. Then I personally decided, no chores after dinner cleanup- (I mean like going to laundrymat, which if I am off routine, I have been known to dash off to laundrymat at 10 PM just cuz) OK so...after dinner cleanup- we CA do bedtime routine. And homework. Or write personal letters or take turns checking email etc.
    That leaves homeschooling for daytime, good. good place for it.

    And then once I have rethought it all out to suit me, then I pick The Day. Usually a Monday. Often the first of a month. Very often based loosely on some other already transitional time, like New Years or right after spring break, or whatever.
    And I head to that day like it is a brand new job. I view it as a new job. I also announce it to the family. On Day x we ARE adhereing to THIS schedule and routine and these rules. I announce it often. Then as it draws nearer, I do a countdown.
    ANd when I wake up that day, I say OK the new job starts NOW.
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My therapist called me tonight to check in - that's never happened before with-o my calling him first. He reassured me that this is grief...that slowly things will level out. I'll get back into my routine. Apparently, I have one & don't even know about it.

    I also rec'd an email from one of the priests at the retreat husband & I attended a few weeks back...again, just to check in. I feel as though someone is watching over me.

    It lightened the burden.

    However, I'm keeping a copy of the hints you've shared here. I will use it when I'm feeling better physically.

    Thank you ladies. :bravo:
     
  6. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Linda,

    be gentle on yourself. maybe get a pile of books from the library. Are you a quilter or a wannabe? I find quilting to be very soothing and engrossing. Take a class. quilters tend to be very supportive. A memory quilt about your mom maybe?

    routine and energy will come back when your body has had a chance to heal.

    in the meantime, go slow. hugs.
     
  7. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member


    I think the hardest part of being a stay at home mom is the usual fact that you can put most of your chores off without any problems. My life now is so hectic I can't do that and I find I function so much better. Can you focus on a few "need to do" things in a day, like practice piano, cook ect and let the rest just flow along? It takes time to adjust to having the extra time, just like it takes time to process all that you have been through of late.
     
  8. Penta

    Penta New Member

    My life has been somewhat where you are, as well. When you are used to constant "doing", either in crisis or tragedy, once things calm down, it is hard.

    When I found myself kind of lost earlier this year with no outside schedule imposed on me, I made a different kind of routine for myself. I walk on the nature trail for a period of time in the mid morning, then read the paper, work on my quilting projects, do my errands to the store or library, spend more time outdoors in the afternoon, work on my quilting again or bake and soon it is dinner time.

    You have been through an enormous amount of change recently, plus the many years of parenting your children with their special needs. It will take you time to "find yourself" again. But, it does happen. And, having a guardian angel watching over you is a wonderful thing, indeed.

    Take good care.
     
  9. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Hi Linda,

    I am also without a schedule and feeling lost. I quit my job in early December and am having trouble finding one. Now Melissa quit college and moved home. The house is a disaster. husband is CRABBY--so unlike him.

    But enough about me. I'm just letting you know I understand about feeling lost and not having a schedule. However, I have nothing helpful to add except that I do set my alarm for the same time every morning. If I did not do that, I'd sleep away half the morning. I find it helpful to get up at the same time of day.

    I am jotting down the hints from everyone else; they will help me, too.

    Hugs,
    Sue
     
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