Need suggestions for a touchy situation

[hearts and roses]

**Edited to remove identifiable information.

I didn't want to hijack tictoc's thread about how to dump a friend gracefully but I need some more information, more on how to deal with remaining friendly with my exbff kids. Due to the details which are disclosed here, I will be deleting this post at some point.


Here is the sitch:


Ex friend has plans of taking back the gfgdd she abandoned over a year ago from the girls dad (exh), where the kid is happy, surrounded by loving grandparents, in a stable environment with a schedule that works for her. When my exf had her the poor kid was up at all hours, always throwing tantrums and completely unstable. I think gfgdd is doing well with her dad and hate to see her uprooted.


Now I know this is truly none of my business.

Would you call the exh who now has the gfgdd and give him a head's up?

Because I truly do not think he is aware of her plans and they have no legal document stating what the custody situation is. I think he should go for full custody but even with that I don't know where he stands.

I just hate to see this little peanut fall into the hands of exf and her creepy H. It is so apparent the new H doesn't like kids, or even people, especially people in her life. She has lost ties with almost all her friends and family.


So, what would you do? Just stay out of it, or call the exh? I could block my number and deny I ever spoke with him if he ever told anyone.

 

[ML]

I would tell. I don't know if that's "the right thing" or not but I think that is what I would do. I will come back later to write more but I'm running out the door for work. Good luck Jo!

 

[Lothlorien]

Would you call the exh who now has the gfgdd and give him a head's up?

Asolutely!!! If she's that much of a nutcase and the little girl is happy and stable, this little girl deserves better.
Why in the world would she want to screw that up? Why in the world would she want to fork out money on putting her in a special school, if she's fine exactly where she is?

by the way, let me know when you want the thread deleted. I will move the entire thread out. You cannot delete the thread once there have been responses, only your post. However, once it's out there, unless I move it completely out, there's still traceable parts. So, please let me get it out.

 

[hearts and roses]

Exf badmouths the exh, who I've never really clicked with and found to be a bit dull, but always thought he was a nice guy and I know he loves his daughter more than life. I never doubted that for a minute.

I have been leaning on calling - just haven't been sure. Thanks for the support~

 

[Mattsmom277]

I would absolutly call her exH. Even though you weren't a huge fan on a friend level with the man, you sound so sure of his dedication to his daughter. Stability for such special needs kids is paramount, we all know that. Sounds like she is in a good place. I would hate to see someone with such a flaky history, rushing in and disrupting this girls life. Not to mention, what environment would she be in? What would her future hold?

I would let the exH know that you have no intention of getting in exBFF's business or life, that actually you have zero desire to resurrect a long dead friendship, nor do you want to embroil yourself in his business. But that you do see how well the child is doing in his care and you have real concerns that she could be uprooted. I would tell him that you have been made aware of exbff's intention to yank the child out of his home, and that you are aware there is no custody order via a court for the child, nor his, protection. And that you thought he shoudl be aware so that he can decide to perhaps preempt this action and request an emergency temporary custody order to maintain status quo while seeking permenant full time custody. Tell him you respect what he's done to give his daughter a stable healthy environment and are only making the call because you realize how unfair to him and more so his child it would be to have her summarily removed and disrupted in which case it would be harder for him to get custody in the long term. And if he starts digging for dirt, respectfully decline to get into he said/she said stuff. Leave it at that you care about this childs interests and felt he should know so he could take action if he chooses.

What a mess huh? I hope it all ends well for this little girl

 

[flutterby]

Yep, I would call him, too.

 

[witzend]

I would offer my honest opinion when asked for it. If she calls, you can tell her what you think. You don't hate her, you just think her values are not something you choose to associate with.

Of course, I'd pump her for information about what she plans to do with the gfgdd and the 1st ex, and if I found it to be immoral (taking a child away from a happy safe home life) I'd pump for details and then if it was something that could help the exh to know, I'd tell him. With the proviso that I will not be the middle man, and to leave me out of it from then on. I'd make no bones with her that I was not in agreement with her and that I was was passing the information along.

IOW, I'd totally Linda Tripp her.

 

[hearts and roses]

Okay, thanks ladies. I'm going to go delete the original post now.