Need support

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    This seems to be a husband/so forum tonight. I've got the new checking account set up and tomorrow will be asking husband to call HR to put HIS paycheck in MY account. I feel funny about this. I have to keep reminding myself "he wants me to be a sham, I want to be a sham, our boys need me at home, difficult child 2 wouldn't be getting his interventions if I wasn't at home so much, he wants me to be a sham." I'm going to have to get mad enough to threaten divorce. I don't know if I can do that, but I've got to. Our family won't survive the way the money is set up right now and husband won't change his spending habits. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm going to do this tomorrow. And, he did agree to this, but getting it actually done... I have to be ready for a fight. I really feel sick.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Emily...I can understand how you feel. What you might want to do is suggest to him is have them divide up the check and send 80% to your account and 20% to his so that he has his spending money. Maybe that would make you and him feel less weird. He would still have his account with his money in it and you would have the household bill money. Or you could just transfer some to his as soon as you got it if they wont do the split. With banking online its quite easy to move money around.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Supportive ((((hugs)))). been there done that

    Try to think of it this way, marriage is a partnership based in compromise. Each of you have your strengths and weaknesses. You happen to be good at handling money. This happens to be husband's weakness. So you're stepping up to the plate to handle this area so that the marriage, and family continue to run smoothly.

    Not really too different from say if husband had filled the role of handy man around the house cuz if you'd try to fix something it'd only break it more. (same situation different area)

    Thinking of it this way helped make it not seem so weird to me. I was raised the man always handled the bills and the money. It made me really uncomfortable to take over that area.

    Keeping fingers crossed husband is cooperative and gives you little hassle.
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    perhaps your husband is bipolar and his spending is a part of that? I know with my ex H if I did not manage the household funds, his choice was to gamble it away.

    Hope things work out.
  5. Cass1

    Cass1 New Member

    Sending good thoughts and big hugs your way.I know thats a tough issue it took me sometime to get the paycheque thing straight with my husband but after 14 years I now have his bank card and he will aske me to take money out for him.It makes it much easier and the bills get paid.I hope this all works out for you it is so stressful.
    Take care and hugs again.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Emily}}} Hugs to you, I know how difficult this has been for you. I hope that H is agreeable to this. And I really like Janet's idea about splitting the paycheck - it may make it easier for him if he feels emasculated somehow...just a thought. I know my H would feel emasculated if I took that kind of 'power' away from him. But coming up with a compromise of sorts might make it easier for him to agree (sort of like saving face).

    Good luck today!