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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 171640" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I think this is the first time you have mentioned this. Are you being actively treated (not just taking medications) for this? Because this diagnosis makes a lot of sense as to why you are so out of control. This is much much more than a chat board can help you with.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>With all due respect, would you try getting over it? You are exactly where you were last year on this stuff. How many times can we tell you to "forgive yourself", "it's not your fault", "let him go", "we'll pray for you". </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That he would say it and mean it sounds like a fantasy to me. That he would say it to distract you while he was stealing money from your purse sounds about right.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You sound right on here. His letter was BS, and he wanted something. Why let him take you to the "When he was five years old I did..." place?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, what does your sponsor say? Before you wrote this, did you call your sponsor? </p><p></p><p>In the past, we have advised you to print out whole threads and show them to your therapist and/or sponsor. In hindsight, since we are all saying the same things over and over to you, I don't think that your therapist or sponsor needs to see what we wrote. But you should print what you have written out and give it to them. You don't see how irrational your postings are, and many people here are just plain too nice to say "this problem is in your head". Mind you, that your son is a junkie who lies to you and steals from his family is <em>his</em> problem. That you are obsessive and depressed and question every parenting step you made since he was born on a daily basis is <em>your</em> problem. It's not normal, and it's ruining your life.</p><p></p><p>We all want you to be happy. It's time to put those thoughts aside. You have told us since February that you were going to make an appointment with your therapist. You told us that you would do it when school is out. It's July. Have you made an appointment yet? Are you calling your sponsor when you have these thoughts? Are you attending Al-Anon meetings each day that you have unhappy thoughts about your son?</p><p></p><p>Are you aware that there is a support group called "Codependants Anonymous"? What you are doing is more about your being codependent on your son's addiction than it is about your son. </p><p></p><p>Finally, you need to understand that your recovery, whether with a therapist, Al-Anon, or CODA isn't going to be fun or easy. Moreover you have to admit that you are the one with the problem. When you realize that it is going to be hard work with the reward of a happy fulfilling life, you can do it. Just like when your son realizes that stopping drugs would be hard work with the reward of a happy fulfilling life is when he will do it.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Green"><span style="font-size: 12px">YOU ARE NOT HIM, AND HE IS NOT YOU. YOU MAKE YOUR RECOVERY. HE MAKES HIS RECOVERY. NEITHER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER EXCEPT THAT YOU STOP EACH OTHER FROM RECOVERING.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: Green"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Green"><span style="font-size: 12px">P.S. After all of the advice and props we have given you, and the things he has done to your family because <strong>he chose drugs over family,</strong>the thought that you would even consider apologizing to him makes me physically ill. I think it makes you physically ill, too.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: Green"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 171640, member: 99"] I think this is the first time you have mentioned this. Are you being actively treated (not just taking medications) for this? Because this diagnosis makes a lot of sense as to why you are so out of control. This is much much more than a chat board can help you with. With all due respect, would you try getting over it? You are exactly where you were last year on this stuff. How many times can we tell you to "forgive yourself", "it's not your fault", "let him go", "we'll pray for you". That he would say it and mean it sounds like a fantasy to me. That he would say it to distract you while he was stealing money from your purse sounds about right. You sound right on here. His letter was BS, and he wanted something. Why let him take you to the "When he was five years old I did..." place? Again, what does your sponsor say? Before you wrote this, did you call your sponsor? In the past, we have advised you to print out whole threads and show them to your therapist and/or sponsor. In hindsight, since we are all saying the same things over and over to you, I don't think that your therapist or sponsor needs to see what we wrote. But you should print what you have written out and give it to them. You don't see how irrational your postings are, and many people here are just plain too nice to say "this problem is in your head". Mind you, that your son is a junkie who lies to you and steals from his family is [I]his[/I] problem. That you are obsessive and depressed and question every parenting step you made since he was born on a daily basis is [I]your[/I] problem. It's not normal, and it's ruining your life. We all want you to be happy. It's time to put those thoughts aside. You have told us since February that you were going to make an appointment with your therapist. You told us that you would do it when school is out. It's July. Have you made an appointment yet? Are you calling your sponsor when you have these thoughts? Are you attending Al-Anon meetings each day that you have unhappy thoughts about your son? Are you aware that there is a support group called "Codependants Anonymous"? What you are doing is more about your being codependent on your son's addiction than it is about your son. Finally, you need to understand that your recovery, whether with a therapist, Al-Anon, or CODA isn't going to be fun or easy. Moreover you have to admit that you are the one with the problem. When you realize that it is going to be hard work with the reward of a happy fulfilling life, you can do it. Just like when your son realizes that stopping drugs would be hard work with the reward of a happy fulfilling life is when he will do it. [COLOR=Green][SIZE=3]YOU ARE NOT HIM, AND HE IS NOT YOU. YOU MAKE YOUR RECOVERY. HE MAKES HIS RECOVERY. NEITHER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER EXCEPT THAT YOU STOP EACH OTHER FROM RECOVERING. P.S. After all of the advice and props we have given you, and the things he has done to your family because [B]he chose drugs over family,[/B]the thought that you would even consider apologizing to him makes me physically ill. I think it makes you physically ill, too. [/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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