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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 171660" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Stands, my mother in law is diagnosed with obsessive disorders. Her obsession is hoarding - useless things, and cats. husband has some obsessive tendencies as well. husband and I have worked together in therapy on his obsessions (among other things) for several years. The therapists tell us that the obsessive disorders are extremely difficult to treat because the person with the disorder knows that they obsess, but believe that it is not harming anyone other than themselves, and the obsession gives them comfort (in a twisted unhealthy way) so they see no value in stopping the obsession. Obviously, this is part of the disease.</p><p></p><p>Obsessions keep you from moving on to the happy things that are waiting for you if you will only stop and observe and take part in them. They are <em>right there</em>! But mother in law is too busy hoarding old newspapers and cats and worrying that someone will take them away, and you are too busy worrying about what you might have done to have a perfect child, to be a part of those good things.</p><p></p><p>Obsessions harm the people around you because - fill in the blank. No one wants to go to my mother in law's house, and she's not welcome in anyone else's, because she and her house are filthy, unhealthy, and they stink. She doesn't see anyone outside of her home because she can't stop talking about how worried she is that someone is going to come take her possessions or her cats, and <em>she</em> stinks. Everyone related to her and who knows her feels badly because she's alone and lonely but they can't stand the smell of her and the constant verbal diarrhea of worrying. She is not a member of society.</p><p></p><p>I feel as though it is possible that your constant worries and regrets also isolate you from society. Do you have any friends that you just go out for coffee with or to dinner or do girl stuff? Has it crossed your mind that - or has anyone ever told you that - it is difficult to be around you because you talk about your worries and regrets more than is comfortable for them? They are losing out on your friendship, and you are missing out on life. Not to mention, it doesn't do a darn thing to help your son. It's a lose/lose/lose situation.</p><p></p><p>I know this isn't pleasant to hear, but I also know how lonely and unhappy you must be. I was where you are with the constant worry about my children. It takes a conscious effort and I often have to stop myself. But it is worth the effort. I have friends, and I do things I enjoy every day. That's not to say that I don't think about my kids every day, I do. But I realize that "what if's" and "remember when s/he did this awful thing..." are unhealthy and I just tell myself that it's done and over with and nothing I can do now will change the past and it's time for everyone to move on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 171660, member: 99"] Stands, my mother in law is diagnosed with obsessive disorders. Her obsession is hoarding - useless things, and cats. husband has some obsessive tendencies as well. husband and I have worked together in therapy on his obsessions (among other things) for several years. The therapists tell us that the obsessive disorders are extremely difficult to treat because the person with the disorder knows that they obsess, but believe that it is not harming anyone other than themselves, and the obsession gives them comfort (in a twisted unhealthy way) so they see no value in stopping the obsession. Obviously, this is part of the disease. Obsessions keep you from moving on to the happy things that are waiting for you if you will only stop and observe and take part in them. They are [I]right there[/I]! But mother in law is too busy hoarding old newspapers and cats and worrying that someone will take them away, and you are too busy worrying about what you might have done to have a perfect child, to be a part of those good things. Obsessions harm the people around you because - fill in the blank. No one wants to go to my mother in law's house, and she's not welcome in anyone else's, because she and her house are filthy, unhealthy, and they stink. She doesn't see anyone outside of her home because she can't stop talking about how worried she is that someone is going to come take her possessions or her cats, and [I]she[/I] stinks. Everyone related to her and who knows her feels badly because she's alone and lonely but they can't stand the smell of her and the constant verbal diarrhea of worrying. She is not a member of society. I feel as though it is possible that your constant worries and regrets also isolate you from society. Do you have any friends that you just go out for coffee with or to dinner or do girl stuff? Has it crossed your mind that - or has anyone ever told you that - it is difficult to be around you because you talk about your worries and regrets more than is comfortable for them? They are losing out on your friendship, and you are missing out on life. Not to mention, it doesn't do a darn thing to help your son. It's a lose/lose/lose situation. I know this isn't pleasant to hear, but I also know how lonely and unhappy you must be. I was where you are with the constant worry about my children. It takes a conscious effort and I often have to stop myself. But it is worth the effort. I have friends, and I do things I enjoy every day. That's not to say that I don't think about my kids every day, I do. But I realize that "what if's" and "remember when s/he did this awful thing..." are unhealthy and I just tell myself that it's done and over with and nothing I can do now will change the past and it's time for everyone to move on. [/QUOTE]
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